Zamkati
Kodi mudayang'anapo okwatirana achikulire osangalala ndikudabwa kuti chinsinsi chawo ndi chiyani? Ngakhale palibe maukwati awiri ofanana, kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti maukwati onse achimwemwe, okhalitsa amakhala ndimikhalidwe isanu: kulumikizana, kudzipereka, kukoma mtima, kuvomereza, ndi chikondi.
1. Kulankhulana
Kafukufuku wofalitsidwa ndi University of Cornell adapeza kuti kulumikizana ndi chikhalidwe choyamba cha maukwati chomwe chimakhalapo. Ofufuzawo anafufuza pafupifupi 400 aku America azaka 65 kapena kupitilira omwe anali okwatirana kapena okondana kwazaka zosachepera 30. Ambiri mwa omwe akutenga nawo mbali adati akukhulupirira kuti mavuto ambiri m'banja angathetsedwe poyankhulana momasuka. Momwemonso, ambiri mwa omwe maukwati awo adatha adati kusowa kwa kulumikizana ndi kusokonekera kwaubwenzi. Kulankhulana kwabwino pakati pa okwatirana kumathandiza kuti akhalebe ogwirizana komanso okondana.
Anthu okwatirana omwe ali ndi maukwati okhalitsa amalankhulana popanda kunama, kunenezana, kunyozana, kunyalanyaza, kapena kunyozana. Samapangirana miyala, kukhala ankhanza, kapena kutchulana mayina. Mabanja omwe ali achimwemwe kwambiri sindiwo omwe akuda nkhawa kuti ndani ali ndi vuto, chifukwa amadziona ngati amodzi; zomwe zimakhudza theka la banjali zimakhudza winayo, ndipo chomwe chili chofunikira kwambiri kwa maanjawa ndikuti ubalewo ndiwokhazikika.
2. Kudzipereka
Pakafukufuku omwewo wofalitsidwa ndi University of Cornell, ofufuza adapeza kuti kudzipereka ndikofunikira kwambiri m'maukwati okhalitsa. Pakati pa akulu omwe adawafufuza, ofufuza adawona kuti m'malo moganiza zokwatirana ngati mgwirizano, achikulire adawona ukwati ngati chilango - chinthu choyenera kulemekezedwa, ngakhale nthawi yachisangalalo itatha. Akuluakuluwo, ofufuzawo adazindikira, adawona kuti ukwati ndi "wokwiyira," ngakhale zitakhala kuti amafunika kusiya zosangalatsa zakanthawi kochepa kuti apindule nawo mtsogolo.
Kudzipereka ndiko kumata banja lanu. M'mabanja abwino, mulibe ziweruzo, maulendo olakwa, kapena kuwopseza kusudzulana. Mabanja athanzi amatenga malumbiro awo aukwati mozama ndikudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake popanda chilichonse. Kudzipereka kosasunthika kumene kumakhazikitsa maziko okhazikika pomwe maukwati abwino amamangidwapo. Kudzipereka kumakhala ngati kukhazikika, kukhalapo kwamphamvu kuti ubalewo ukhale wolimba.
3. Kukoma mtima
Pankhani yosunga banja labwino, mwambi wakale umakhala woona: "Kukoma mtima pang'ono kumathandiza." M'malo mwake, ofufuza ku Yunivesite ya Washington adapanga chilinganizo choneneratu kutalika kwaukwati, ndikulondola kwa 94%. Zofunikira zomwe zimakhudza kutalika kwaubwenzi? Kukoma mtima ndi kuwolowa manja.
Ngakhale zingawoneke ngati zazing'ono kwambiri, tangoganizirani: kodi kukoma mtima ndi kuwolowa manja nthawi zambiri ndimakhalidwe oyamba omwe amalimbikitsidwa paubwana komanso amalimbikitsidwa m'moyo wamunthu? Kugwiritsa ntchito kukoma mtima ndi kuwolowa manja kwa maukwati komanso maubale okhalitsa kwanthawi yayitali kumatha kukhala kovuta kwambiri, koma "golide lamulo" liyenera kugwiritsidwabe ntchito. Ganizirani momwe mumacheza ndi mnzanu. Kodi mulidi otomerana pamene akulankhulani za ntchito kapena zinthu zina zomwe mwina simukuzisangalala nazo? M'malo momulankhula, yesetsani kumvera mnzanuyo ngakhale mutakhala kuti mumakonda kukambirana. Yesetsani kugwiritsa ntchito kukoma mtima pazonse zomwe mumachita ndi mnzanu.
4. Kulandila
Anthu omwe ali pabanja losangalala amavomereza zolakwa zawo komanso za anzawo. Amadziwa kuti palibe amene ali wangwiro, chifukwa chake amatenga mnzake momwe alili. Anthu omwe ali m'mabanja osasangalala, mbali inayo, amangowona zolakwika pakati pa anzawo - ndipo nthawi zina, amapanganso zolakwika kwa anzawo. Iyi ndi njira yopewera kukana zolakwa zawo pomwe akulekerera kwambiri zomwe anzawo akuchita.
Chinsinsi chovomerezera wokondedwa wanu momwe alili, ndikuti mudzilandire nokha momwe mulili. Kaya mumalilira mokweza kwambiri, mumalankhula kwambiri, kudya mopitirira muyeso, kapena kukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana ndi mnzanu, dziwani kuti izi si zolakwa; Mnzanu wakusankhani, ngakhale mukumva zofooka zanu, ndipo akuyenera kuvomerezedwa chimodzimodzi kuchokera kwa inu.
5. Chikondi
Ziyenera kupita popanda kunena kuti banja lokondana ndi banja losangalala. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti aliyense ayenera "kukondana" ndi mnzake. Kugwa "mchikondi" sikutanthauza kutengeka chabe kuposa kukhala paubwenzi wathanzi, okhwima. Ndi nkhambakamwa chabe, mtundu wachikondi womwe sukhalitsa. Chikondi chathanzi, chokhwima ndichinthu chomwe chimafuna nthawi kuti chikule, pamodzi ndi zikhalidwe zomwe zatchulidwa pamwambapa: kulumikizana, kudzipereka, kukoma mtima, ndi kuvomereza. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ukwati wachikondi sungakhale wokonda; M'malo mwake, chidwi ndicho chomwe chimalimbikitsa ubalewo. Banja likakhala lokondana, amalankhulana moona mtima, amathetsa kusamvana mosavuta, ndipo amadzipereka kuti banja lawo likhale lolimba komanso lamoyo.