Zamkati
- Kodi pamafunika chiyani kuti tikulitse chikondi chosatha?
- Cheke chenicheni cha chikondi
- Munda ndiye fanizo langwiro
- Kodi ichi chimagwira ntchito bwanji?
- Malire olimba amathandizira kukulitsa kuyandikira
Mkazi wanga Helen ndi ine tonse tinadziwa kuti sitinali "kukondana" titakwatirana. Tinkakondana ndipo tinalidi mu chilakolako. Koma sitinali pamutu pawo mopitilira muyeso chikondi chachisangalalo chomwe nthawi zambiri chimakhala chofunsidwa m'mawailesi. Tsopano zaka 34 pambuyo pake ndimakonda kumuthokoza chifukwa chokhala m'moyo wanga. Ndimachita izi kangapo pamlungu. Akamalowa mchipinda, ndimayatsa mkati. Amanditcha kuti "soul mate" wake ndikulumbira kuti ayese kunditsata kuti ndikakhale ndi ine ngati kuli moyo wina pambuyo pake. Ndiye zidachitika bwanji? Zomwe zidachitika ndikuti tonse tinali anzeru - anzeru zokwanira kuti timvetsetse zenizeni za chikondi chokhazikika komanso zomwe zimafunikira kuti tikule. Tidazindikira kuti tikufunika kugwiritsa ntchito luso ndi luso kuti tikulitse chikondi chathu pakapita nthawi. Palibe chowunikira poto kwa ife!
Kodi pamafunika chiyani kuti tikulitse chikondi chosatha?
Kafukufuku wosangalatsa adachitika ku India mu 1982. Gupta ndi Singh adasanthula magulu awiri a anthu omwe angokwatirana kumene zaka zopitilira 10 ndikuwayerekeza pa Rubin Love Scale. Gulu limodzi linakwatirana mwachikondi ndipo linalo chifukwa lidakonzedwa. Mutha kulingalira zomwe zinachitika. Anali fulu ndi kalulu njira yonse.
Gulu lomwe linayamba mwachikondi linayamba mwachikondi kwambiri ndipo gulu lokonzedwa lidayamba motsika kwambiri. Mu zaka 5 anali ofanana. M'zaka 10 gulu lomwe lidakonzedwa lidalemba zaka za m'ma 60 pa Rubin Love Scale komanso gulu lachikondi mchimbudzi cha m'ma 40. Kodi nchifukwa ninji zinali choncho?
Kuphatikizika sikungatsimikizire kuti kukuchitika koma ndimatha kutanthauzira kuti maanja achikondi adayamba ndi mfundo yabodza: Chiyambi chachikondi chisangalalo chimasokeretsa anthu kuganiza kuti chikondi chamtsogolo chimabwera mosavuta. Sadzafunika kugwira ntchito molimbika kuti ateteze ndi kuteteza izi. Pomwe kugawana mphamvu kuyambika ndipo maanja osalangizidwa amayamba kuvulazana wina ndi mnzake, ndiye kuti malingaliro olakwikawo amasonkhana. Kuimba mlandu ndi kuchititsa manyazi zimawononga ubalewo.
Mverani momwe malembedwe athu achingerezi amatanthauzira kusasamala. "Timakondana". Ndi kunja kwa ife. Mwina Mulungu "amafuna kuti zichitike." Mawu akuti syntax amatanthauza kuti sitili ndiudindo wawo. Ngati Elvis achoka mnyumbayi ndiye kuti tili ndi mwayi.
Cheke chenicheni cha chikondi
Kumadzulo pafupifupi theka la maukwati atha ndi chisudzulo. Izi sizitanthauza kuti theka lina lili ndi chisangalalo. Mabanja ambiri amakhala limodzi kuchitira ana. Ena amaganiza kuti sangakwanitse kukhala chifukwa choti sangakwanitse kupatukana. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ndi ochepa okha omwe ali ndi mabanja omwe amasunga chilakolako chamoyo pazaka zambiri. Ndi chowonadi chomvetsa chisoni.
Ngati "wabwinobwino" amatanthauza kuti pamapeto pake mumatha kukhala pachibwenzi chosakhutiritsa, ndiye kuti muyenera kukhala anzeru kuposa masiku onse
Musaganize kuti mutha kukhalabe achikondi mpaka kalekale. Ganizirani kuti zingakhale bwino kupitiriza kukulitsa malingaliro achikondi.
Ndipo malingaliro ndi chiyani? Chowonadi cholondola koma chosakopeka kwambiri ndikuti ndimaganizo am'maganizo. Chikondi chachikondi chimaphatikizapo kutulutsa oxytocin, vasopressin ndi dopamine neurohormones. Akatswiri a sayansi ya zakuthambo alemba kuti ndi mbali ziti za ubongo zomwe zimakhudzidwa. Chifukwa chopezera izi ndikuti zimatipatsa mtundu wazomwe tiyenera kuchita.
Munda ndiye fanizo langwiro
Ganizirani izi motere. Muli ndi munda pansi mwakomoka kwanu. Zambiri zomwe mumakonda zimakula kuchokera kumunda uno. Wokondedwa wanu ali ndi chimodzi. Ngati mukufuna mbeu yochuluka ya oxytocin muyenera kuyamwa ndi kuthirira minda yonse iwiri. Muyenera kuyidyetsa zokumana nazo zomwe zimadzetsa kuyandikira komanso kutentha kwa anthu. Zochitika izi zitha kuphatikizira kukhudzana mwakuthupi kapena kwakugonana koma achikulire ambiri amafunikira kukhudzidwa kwamaganizidwe. Chidwi chanu chofuna kudziwa tanthauzo ndi chikhumbo m'malingaliro a mnzanu ndiye chakudya cholemera kwambiri m'munda wa mnzanu. Chidwi mwina ndichofunika kwambiri muubwenzi.
Koma ngati muli ndi dimba sikokwanira kungothirira ndi kuthira manyowa. Muyeneranso kuteteza. Namsongole ndi tizirombo tifunika kutetezedwa. M'mabwenzi athu apamtima pali mphamvu yosazindikira monga udzu womwe ungasokoneze chikondi. Imakula ngati ivy kapena kudzu ngati sitichepetsa. Sizodziwika bwino ndi olemba maubwenzi koma mwina zimabweretsa maukwati olephera kuposa china chilichonse. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amati “kupondereza zinthu zina.”
Kodi ichi chimagwira ntchito bwanji?
Ngati timaopa kukanidwa kotero kuti mopepuka timalola mnzathu kutipatsa malamulo m'malo mopempha, atipatse malamulo m'malo mokambirana nafe, kutiuza zomwe timaganiza kapena kumva m'malo mongotifunsa, kusokoneza ziganizo zathu kapena kutipangitsa kuchita pa nthawi yawo m'malo mwathu ....... kenako tidzalamulidwa ndi kuyembekezera kwathu zomwe mnzathu akuyembekeza m'malo mwa zomwe tikufuna. Izi zikachitika timayamba kulamulidwa ndi chitetezo chathu kufunafuna chikomokere. Njira yathu yodzitchinjiriza imalanda.
Timakhala loboti yachizolowezi yotetezeka komanso timafooka. Ndi anthu angati amene mudamvapo akuti "Sindikudziwanso kuti ndine ndani!" ? "Sindikudziwa zomwe ndikufuna." Ndimamva ngati ndikuphwanyidwa! ” “Ndikumva ngati ndikumira!” Zonsezi ndizizindikiro zomaliza za zomwe ndimazitcha "kusintha kwa maubwenzi."
Chopinga chokhazikika chaphimba mundawo. Zinthu zikuyenera kuyamba isanafike nthawi ino chifukwa zimawoneka ngati mpweya ndi moyo ukubwerera mwa munthu.
Ndiudindo wanu kutsutsana ndi mnzanu mwanzeru akalowerera malire anu. Abwenzi omwe amachita izi amakhala ndi ubale wabwino. Ndasanthula izi ndi kafukufuku yemwe ndapereka kwa maanja mazana angapo. Ndifunsa mnzanga aliyense kuti aganizire zopanga ziganizo zopatsa mnzake kukana (mwachitsanzo "Ndikukana kutsatira zomwe mwachita" kapena "sindigwirizana nazo"). Nditangoganiza zokana chonchi ndimawafunsa kuti akweze nkhawa zawo.
Chitsanzocho chikuwonekera.
Abwenzi omwe sakhala ndi nkhawa pang'ono pokana wokondedwa wawo ndi omwe amakhala ndi zibwenzi zoyandikana kwambiri. Amalankhulana bwino kwambiri. Abwenzi omwe ali ndi nkhawa chifukwa chokana si "zabwino" ndi omwe samalankhulana. Ndizododometsa.
Malire olimba amathandizira kukulitsa kuyandikira
Amasunga zopinga zopanda pake.
Koma dikirani. Pali china chake choyenera kukumbukira. Pali minda iwiri, osati umodzi. Inde muyenera kuchotsa namsongole patokha. Komabe, simungapondereze mbande m'munda wa mnzanu.
Mukakumana ndi mnzanu pomulamulira ndikumunyoza ndiye kuti mukuwononga. Mukakhala aulemu komanso osamala ndiye kuti ubale umatetezedwa. Ndaphunzitsa mabanja ambiri kuchita zomwe ndimatcha kuti mgwirizano wamgwirizano. Mikangano yamtunduwu imakhudzana ndi m'modzi wopempha mnzake kuti aphunzire kukonza malire ake. Mabanja omwe amachita izi nthawi zambiri amakondana kwambiri. Ndawona mabanja opatukana akuyambiranso kukondana ndikubwerera limodzi poyeserera kumvana pamikangano yoseketsa.
Kotero ndi inu pamenepo. Muli ndi chisankho. Mutha kukhulupirira kuti mumachita zamatsenga kapena mutha kukhulupirira kuti mutha kupanga china chake. Ngati mudayamba kukondana pachibwenzi, ndiye kuti zili bwino. Ndi gawo losangalatsa komanso nthawi zambiri. Ndikungonena kuti ngati chilakolako chanu chatha ndiye musadalire kubwereranso mchikondi. Muyenera kukhala odzipereka komanso opanga.
Sindigwiritsa ntchito liwu loti "kulenga" osati potengera kulamulira mwachangu koma potanthauza, kuteteza ndikulimbikitsa chikondi. Yotsirizira amatenga khama kwambiri ndi kudziletsa. Koma imabala zokolola zochuluka chaka ndi chaka, zaka khumi ndi khumi. Ndi zomwe Helen ndi ine tikusangalala nazo tsopano. Tikukhulupirira kuti inunso mungathe kutero.