Zamkati
- 1. Ndikuchitira nsanje “aliyense kapena china chilichonse kupatula ine”
- 2. "Sindinagonanepo ndi mkazi ameneyo"
- 3. Alpha-wamwamuna wosaletseka
- 4. Kusakhulupirika pakati pamavuto apakatikati pa moyo
- 5. Wokonda chiwerewere
- 6. Nkhani zonse
- Wolakwayo ayenera kusiya
- Wolakwayo ayenera kuthana ndi mkwiyo
- Wolakwayo ayenera kumva kulapa koona
- Wokhumudwitsidwayo ayeneranso kudaliranso
- Wokhumudwitsayo akuyenera kuzindikira kuti ubalewo ndiwokwaniritsa
Monga psychotherapist, ndakhala ndikugwira ntchito kwazaka zopitilira makumi atatu ndi mabanja. Mosalephera, chinthu chimodzi chomwe chingabweretsere banja (kapena wina wa banja) kuchipatala ndi kusakhulupirika. Ndikufuna kugawana nanu malingaliro ndi malingaliro ochepa okhudzana ndi kusakhulupirika kutengera zomwe ndakumana nazo ngati wothandizira maukwati komanso katswiri wazakugonana.
Kusakhulupirika kumatanthauziridwa "ndi wowonera (wokhumudwitsidwa)." Mkazi m'modzi, yemwe ndimagwira naye ntchito wotchedwa loya wachisudzulo m'mawa womwe adagwira mwamuna wake akuwona zolaula. Kumbali inayi, ndimagwira ntchito ndi banja lina lomwe linali ndi "ukwati wapoyera," ndipo nthawi yokhayo panali vuto linali pomwe mkazi adayamba kuwona m'modzi mwa amunawo kuti amwe khofi.
Nayi mitundu ingapo ya zinthu zomwe zingakhale zosakhulupirika ngati "kusakhulupirika" ndi omwe akukhumudwitsani (chonde dziwani: mutha kukhala ndi zovuta za izi):
1. Ndikuchitira nsanje “aliyense kapena china chilichonse kupatula ine”
Umu ndi momwe zimakhalira ndi mkazi yemwe adagwira mwamuna wake akuyang'ana zolaula kapena mwamuna yemwe "amapenga" ndi nsanje pomwe mkazi wake amasewera ndi woperekera zakudya.
2. "Sindinagonanepo ndi mkazi ameneyo"
Amadziwikanso kuti zochitika zam'maganizo. Poterepa, palibe kugonana kapena kugonana koma pali chikondi chokhazikika komanso chokhazikika pa munthu wina.
3. Alpha-wamwamuna wosaletseka
Awa ndi (makamaka koma nthawi zonse) amuna omwe ali ndi "chosowa" cha akazi. Chifukwa chodzipangira mphamvu zawo, kutchuka, ndi kuyenera, ali ndi akazi ambiri omwe amakhala "kumbali". Nthawi zambiri awa samakhala nkhani zachikondi koma, m'malo mwake, amapereka zokhutiritsa chilakolako chake chogonana komanso chosowa chake chofuna kukhumbidwa. Amunawa pafupifupi nthawi zonse amakhala ndi vuto laukatswiri.
4. Kusakhulupirika pakati pamavuto apakatikati pa moyo
Ndagwirapo ntchito ndi anthu angapo (kapena okwatirana) omwe adakwatirana mwachangu ndipo sanakhale nawo mwayi woti "azisewera" kapena "kubzala zipatso zawo zakutchire" omwe, akafika pakatikati pa moyo wawo, amafuna kubwerera kukayambiranso moyo wawo zaka makumi awiri moyambanso. Vuto lokhalo ndiloti ali ndi wokwatirana naye komanso ana atatu kwawo.
5. Wokonda chiwerewere
Awa ndi anthu omwe amagonana ndimakonda ngati mankhwala. Amagwiritsa ntchito zachiwerewere (zolaula, mahule, kutikita zolaula, makalabu ovala, zosankha) kuti zisinthe. Ubongo umadalira mpumulo womwe umabweretsa (pazomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhala zomvetsa chisoni kapena zopsinjika) ndipo amakhala "osokoneza bongo" pamakhalidwewo.
6. Nkhani zonse
Apa ndipamene anthu awiriwa akumana ndi wina ndipo "amakondana" ndi munthu ameneyo. Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kusakhulupirika.
Chofunikira kwambiri chomwe ndinganene (kufuula kuchokera pamwamba paphiri ngati zingatheke) ndi ichi: Maanja sangopulumuka, atha kuchita bwino, ngakhale atakhala osakhulupirika. Komabe, pali zinthu zingapo zofunika kuti izi zichitike.
Wolakwayo ayenera kusiya
Mamembala a banjali akuyenera kudzipereka pantchito yayitali, yowona mtima komanso yowonekera. Wokhumudwitsayo nthawi zambiri amakhala wokonzeka "kupitiliza" atangolapa. Sazindikira kuti kwa iwo amene akhumudwitsidwa zitha kutenga miyezi, zaka, kapenanso zaka makumi kuti athane ndi zowawa komanso kusowa chitetezo cha kusakhulupirika ndi chinyengo. Njira zina zakusakhulupirika zidzakhala nawo pamoyo wawo wonse.
Wolakwayo ayenera kuthana ndi mkwiyo
Wokhumudwitsayo ayenera kuphunzira kutenga nkhonya zake kudana ndi kuvulazidwa kwa wolakwiridwayo popanda kudzitchinjiriza.
Wolakwayo ayenera kumva kulapa koona
Wokhumudwitsayo ayenera kupeza ndiyeno kulankhulana (nthawi zambiri) ndikulapa kwakukulu komanso koona. Izi zikupitilira "Pepani kuti zakupweteketsani" ndikumvera chisoni momwe izi zakhudzira okondedwa wawo.
Wokhumudwitsidwayo ayeneranso kudaliranso
Wokhumudwitsidwayo ayenera, nthawi ina, kusiya mantha, chidani, ndi kusakhulupilira kuti ayambenso kudalira ndikutsegulanso.
Wokhumudwitsayo akuyenera kuzindikira kuti ubalewo ndiwokwaniritsa
Okhumudwitsidwayo nthawi ina amakhala omasuka kutengapo gawo paubwenzowu - osati kusakhulupirika komweko - koma ku zomwe zikuchitika kuti akhale ndi banja labwino kuposa kale. Zimatengera munthu wopanda ungwiro kuti achite chibwenzi; zimatengera anthu awiri odzichepetsa opanda ungwiro kuti akhale pachibwenzi.
Ngati banja lidali pachibwenzi choyambirira, awiriwo atha — ngati angasankhe kuchita ntchitoyi — angayambitsenso ubale wabwino. M'buku langa loyamba, ndikulongosola izi, monganso a Dorothy mu Mfiti wa Oz, moyo nthawi zina umabweretsa mphepo yamkuntho (monga kusakhulupirika) m'miyoyo yathu. Koma ngati tingakhalebe mumsewu wa Yellow Brick, titha kupeza Kansas yabwinoko - pankhani iyi, banja lolimba - mbali inayo.