Zamkati
- 8 zikusonyeza kuti amuna anu akukunyalanyazani
- Zifukwa zomwe mwamuna amanyalanyaza mkazi wake
- Kuimba mlandu mnzanu kungasokoneze banja lanu
- Zinthu 5 zoti muchite pamene amuna anu akukunyalanyazani
- 1. Onetsetsani kuti muli ndi chidwi chonse ndi mnzanu
- 2. Pepani ndipo mufunse funso loyankha
- 3. Siyani mlanduwu
- 4.Ngati mnzanu akuwoneka akusefukira, chokani koma osati mokwiya kapena chifukwa
- 5. Konzani zokambirana tsiku lililonse "zochepetsa nkhawa"
- Pamapeto pake
Madandaulo omwe anthu omwe amakumana nawo kudzandipatsa uphungu ndi akuti "Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza" kapena akuti akulekana chifukwa chibwenzi chimodzi chadzipatula kapena kutalikirana ndipo wina akumva kuti akumunyalanyaza.
Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti ngati izi nthawi zambiri zimayambitsa njira zosaka-zomwe zitha kuwononga ubale.
Nthawi yaposachedwa yolangiza maanja, a Claire, 38, adadandaula kuti Rick, wazaka 44, akhala akumunyalanyaza kwanthawi yayitali ndipo akumva kuti watalikirana naye. Ankagonanabe pabedi limodzi koma nthawi zambiri sanagonepo, ndipo Claire ananena kuti watopa ndi kuyesa kumuganizira.
Claire ananena motere: “Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza. Ndimakonda Rick, koma sindimukonda. Maganizo anga ndi malingaliro anga awonda chifukwa ndili ndi nkhawa zambiri, ndipo samandimvera. Ndikakhala ndi kanthu kena kofunika kuti ndinene, nthawi zambiri amakonda foni yake, kapena amamvetsera nyimbo ndi kundilankhulitsa. ”
8 zikusonyeza kuti amuna anu akukunyalanyazani
Kodi nthawi zambiri mumamva kuti "Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza. Kodi ndikuchita chilichonse cholakwika? Ndingathetse bwanji izi? ”
Ngati mukuchita ndi mwamuna wanga-samandinyalanyaza koma simukudziwa ngati zili m'mutu mwanu kapena zikuchitikadi, onani izi kuti mukhale otsimikiza:
- Amasiya kuyambitsa zokambirana nanu.
- Amayamba kuwononga nthawi yambiri pafoni yake.
- Amangokhala chete kapena amachoka - amathera nthawi yochuluka kutali nanu.
- Akuwoneka kuti ali "kudziko lakwawo" ndipo amasiya kugawana nanu zinthu.
- Amakuwonetsani kuchepa kapena kusayamika konse ndi mawu kapena zochita zake.
- Mnzanu akamalankhula zinthu zopweteka.
- Amuna anu akuwoneka kuti ali patali.
- Mumamva kuti, “Mwamuna wanga sasamala zanga.”
Zifukwa zomwe mwamuna amanyalanyaza mkazi wake
Akazi nthawi zambiri amadandaula kuti, “Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza.”
Kodi nkwachibadwa kuti mwamuna anyalanyaze mkazi wake? Nchifukwa chiyani ubalewu ndiwofala kwambiri?
Dr. John Gottman akufotokoza kuti chizolowezi choti munthu m'modzi azitsata ndipo winayo kuti akhale patali ndizolumikizana ndi thupi lathu ndikuti abambo amakonda kusiya ndipo akazi amakonda kuchita akakhala pachibwenzi.
- M'mawu ake apakalembedwe ka "Love Lab", a Gottman adazindikira kuti njira yakulekerera ndikutsata, yomwe imapangitsa kuti amayi azimva kuti anyalanyazidwa ndi amuna awo, ndi yomwe imathandizira kwambiri pamaukwati.
Amachenjezanso kuti ngati sichisinthidwa, ndichomwe chimayambitsa chisudzulo chifukwa azimayi amatopa ndikudikirira anzawo kuti azilumikizana, ndipo amuna nthawi zambiri amathawira kwawo osazindikira mavuto omwe akukwatira banja lawo.
- Kuphatikiza apo, chimodzi mwazolepheretsa kulumikizana kwabwino komwe kumatha kupangitsa mwamuna kunyalanyaza mkazi wake ndikuti zomwe amamva zitha kukhala zosiyana kwambiri ndi zomwe mnzake akufuna kuyankhulana.
Mu Kulimbana Ndi Ukwati Wanu, katswiri wamaganizidwe a Howard J. Markman akufotokoza kuti tonsefe tili ndi zosefera (kapena zida zosakhala zathupi muubongo wathu) zomwe zimasintha tanthauzo la chidziwitso chomwe timamva. Izi zikuphatikiza zododometsa, malingaliro am'malingaliro, zikhulupiriro ndi ziyembekezo, kusiyanasiyana kwamachitidwe, ndi kudziteteza (kapena kusafuna kudzipanga tokha pachiwopsezo).
Mwachitsanzo, ngati a Claire alowa pakhomo ndikuti, "Ndili ndi kanthu kofunika kukuwuzani," Rick angayembekezere kuti angadandaule (ndipo mwina angamunyalanyaze), pomwe akhoza kungonena kuti china chake chachikulu chachitika kuofesi yake. .
Momwemonso, ngati Rick asokonezedwa ndikuwonera TV, sangayankhe kwa Claire. Izi ndi zina mwazizindikiro zisanu zoti mwina amuna anu akukunyalanyazani.
Vidiyo ili pansipa ili ndi zifukwa zomwe mwamuna anganyalanyaze mkazi wake:
Kuimba mlandu mnzanu kungasokoneze banja lanu
Chowonadi chikananenedwa, mutha kudzipezera nokha mlandu mnzanu pomwe zosowa zanu sizikukwaniritsidwa. Muthanso kuzindikira kuti mukumenya nkhondo zomwezi mobwerezabwereza.
Pakapita kanthawi, mwina simukuyankha vutoli, ndipo mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, ndi mkwiyo zimayamba ndipo sizingathetsedwe.
A Claire akukumbukira kuti, "Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza, kenako, mikangano yathu imatha kuyipa, ndipo timakonda kunena zinthu zomvetsa chisoni ndikudzudzulana chifukwa cha zolakwa zomwe sizinachitikepo m'mbuyomu. Ndikungofuna kuti izi ziyime, koma zimandipweteka kwambiri Rick akanyalanyaza zopempha zanga.
Ndikudziwa kuti ndimayambitsa nawo mavuto athu, koma tonse sitinathe. ”
Malinga ndi mlangizi wa maubwenzi Kyle Benson, chizolowezi cha omwe amakhala nawo pachibwenzi chovuta kuti azisamalirana chimasokoneza maubale.
Akuti anthu ambiri amakhala ndi zinthu monga mauthenga, zolemba, ndi makanema, zomwe zimawasokoneza kutchera khutu. Zotsatira zake, izi zimalepheretsa kuthekera kwawo kuthana ndi anzawo.
Kaya maanja azipeza akusokonezedwa, atopa, kapenanso amangotanganidwa kapena ngati mnyamatayo akukunyalanyazani mukamakangana, ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti kulumikizana ndi njira ziwiri.
Ndibwino kuti mukumva kuti amuna anu akukunyalanyazani kuti muwunike momwe mumakhalira ndikuyesera kusintha njira yanu kuti mumve.
Ngati mukumva kuti, "Mwamuna wanga amandinyalanyaza," nazi njira zina zowonetsetsa kuti muli ndi chidwi ndi mnzanuyo ndikupewa zomwe zimakusangalatsani.
Zinthu 5 zoti muchite pamene amuna anu akukunyalanyazani
Zinthu sizili mmanja. Ngati mukumva kuti "Amuna anga amandinyalanyaza zogonana kapena zakukhosi" koma simukudziwa momwe mungakonzekere, pali njira zina zomwe zingakuthandizeni. Onani iwo:
1. Onetsetsani kuti muli ndi chidwi chonse ndi mnzanu
Izi zikutanthauza kuti musaganize kuti akumvetsera chifukwa choti mukuyankhula. M'malo mwake, lembetsani: "Ino ndi nthawi yabwino yolankhulana?" Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati nzeru, koma amuna ambiri amadandaula kwa ine kuti akazi awo amayamba kucheza akamasokonezedwa kapena sangathe kuwamvetsera.
2. Pepani ndipo mufunse funso loyankha
Zoyenera kuchita mwamuna wako akakunyalanyaza?
Funsani za momwe mnzanu akumvera ndikulimbana ndi zovuta zake.Kungokhala pansi ndi mnzanu kapu ya khofi kungathandize kwambiri kuti mukhale omvetsetsa, omvera chisoni komanso kuti muzitha kuyankhulana bwino m'banja.
M'malo mongofunsa kuti, "Kodi mwakhala ndi tsiku labwino," lomwe lingakupangitseni kuyankha inde kapena ayi, yesani kufunsa funso longa "Ndikufuna kumva momwe tsiku lanu lidayendera."
3. Siyani mlanduwu
Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani amuna anu akamanena zinthu zopweteka?
Ganizirani zabwino za mnzanu.
Ngati mutha kuvomereza lingaliro ili, inu ndi mnzanu mudzakhala omasuka nthawi yomweyo. Ngati musiya kulozana chala wina ndi mzake ndikuyang'ana kwambiri kumvetsetsa malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake ndikuwonetsa chikondi kudzera m'zochita zanu, banja lanu likhala bwino.
4.Ngati mnzanu akuwoneka akusefukira, chokani koma osati mokwiya kapena chifukwa
Mwamuna wanu akakunyalanyazani, siyani njira yoti mubwezeretse bata, osati kuti mulange mnzanu. Pumulani pazokambirana kwa mphindi zosachepera 10-15.
Mwachitsanzo, kuwerenga magazini ndikosokoneza chifukwa mutha kuwerenga masamba mosaganizira. Yesetsani kuyambiranso zokambirana mukamatsitsimulidwa ndikutha kuyankhula modekha komanso mwanzeru.
5. Konzani zokambirana tsiku lililonse "zochepetsa nkhawa"
“Amuna anga amandipewa. Mwamuna wanga amandipweteka ndipo samandisamala. ”
Ngati amuna anu akukunyalanyazani, pezani mwayi woti muzimasula, kulankhulana, ndikumverana mukamakambirana zovuta zamasiku onse pamoyo wanu.
Kukambirana uku sikuyenera kukhala nthawi yofufuzira za maubwenzi koma kuti tithandizane kapena kuchezerana.
Zowonadi, kulingalira ndi cholinga chomwe chimalowa muma check-ins a tsiku ndi tsiku atha kubweretsedwanso kuchitapo kanthu mwadzidzidzi.
Ngakhale kuthekera kwathu koti tichite zosangalatsa sikungolephereke chifukwa chokhala otanganidwa, okwatirana amathabe kutenga tsikulo ndikukonzekera zokumana nazo zatsopano, zosangalatsa, komanso zosangalatsa.
Kusokoneza chizolowezi cha moyo watsiku ndi tsiku ndi zochitika monga kuyenda tsiku ndi tsiku kapena kulembetsa nawo kalasi yolawa vinyo kumatha kuyandikira inu ndi amuna anu.
Pamapeto pake
Ganizirani njira zatsopano zosonyezera chikondi, monga kusiyira mwamuna wanu mawu achikondi (kufotokoza zabwino) kapena kumuphikira chakudya chokoma.
Zinthu izi zitha kuthandiza kubwezeretsa ubale wapakati pa inu ndi mnzanu ndikuthandizani kuti mukhale pafupi. Ngati mumacheza nthawi yayitali tsiku lililonse ndikulankhula za chikondi, kukonda, komanso kusilira mwamuna wanu, zimalimbikitsa kulumikizana kwakukulu ndikulimbitsa ubale wanu.