Zamkati
- Mgwirizano wosayembekezeka
- Mawu otsatirawa akuwonetsa lingaliro lazipangidwe zanga zatsopano zachikondi:
- Kudzikonda ndiko mankhwala a kudalira
- Kuperewera kwachikondi ndiko kudalira
- SLDD Vutoli / SLD Munthuyo
- Chithandizo chodalira kudziletsa ndichodzikonda
Sindinadziwe kuti chikhumbo changa chofuna kutchula dzina loti "codependency" chitha kunditengera ku New York City komwe, pa Juni 2, 2015, ndidachita nawo zokambirana pagulu ndi mamembala angapo odziwika bwino amisala.
Harville Hendrix, katswiri wapadziko lonse lapansi wothandizana ndi ma psychotherapy (komanso ovomereza mabuku anga achingerezi) ndi ngwazi yanga ndipo ndikuthokoza kwambiri kuti ndili ndi mwayi wophunzira kwa iye pamwambowu.
Mwa mamembala asanu ndi mmodziwo, ndidalumikizana ndi a Tracy B. Richards, aku psychotherapist aku Canada, ojambula, komanso opanga maukwati. Pomwe gawo langa la zokambiranazi limakhala ndi malingaliro odalirana, narcissism, ndi malingaliro a Human Magnet Syndrome, Tracy amayang'ana kwambiri mphamvu yakuchiritsa yodzisamalira, kudzivomereza, ndipo koposa zonse, kudzikonda.
Mgwirizano wosayembekezeka
Tidalumikizana nthawi yomweyo ndikugawana chisangalalo, chizolowezi chofananira komanso kutonthozana. Zinkawonekeranso ngati "ana" athu - Human Magnet Syndrome ndi "Kudzikonda Ndiko Yankho" - adagwa mchikondi poyang'ana koyamba.
Nditabwereranso kuntchito, sindinathe kusiya kuganizira ndi kulozera malingaliro a Tracy pa kudzikonda.
Popita nthawi, malingaliro ake osavuta, koma okongola, adayamba kugulitsa malo ogulitsa. Sizinali zodabwitsa pomwe malingaliro ake adayamba kukhazikika pazomwe ndimayesetsa kuthana ndi zovuta zaku banja langa komanso ntchito yanga yothandizirana ndi psychotherapy.
Posakhalitsa, malingaliro ake adayamba kulowa munkhani zanga zophunzitsira ndi makanema, komanso pamisonkhano yanga yambiri.
Mawu otsatirawa akuwonetsa lingaliro lazipangidwe zanga zatsopano zachikondi:
- Kudzidalira sikungatheke ndi Kudzikonda Kwako Kwambiri (SLA).
- Odalira ma codod ali ndi vuto lalikulu pakudzikonda.
- Zovuta zakuphatikizidwa ndiubwana ndizo zimayambitsa Kuperewera Kwachikondi (SLD).
- Zofooka Zodzikondera zimakhazikika mu kusungulumwa kwanthawi yayitali, manyazi, komanso zovuta zomwe sizinathetsere ubwana.
- Kuopa kukumana ndi manyazi oponderezedwa kapena kuponderezedwa komanso kusungulumwa kwamatenda kumatsimikizira omwe amadalira kukhalabe m'mayanjano owopsa.
- Kuthetsa Kuperewera Kwa Chikondi Chanu ndi kukulitsa Kudzikonda
- Kuchuluka ndiye cholinga choyambirira cha chithandizo chodalira ena.
Kuti ndikhalebe wokhutira ndi chikhulupiriro changa chofuna kupuma pantchito "modalira", ndidafunikira kaye kupeza m'malo woyenera.
Kudzikonda ndiko mankhwala a kudalira
Sindingayimitse kusaka kwanga mpaka nditapeza mawu omwe angafotokozere momwe zinthu zilili, pomwe sizimapangitsa munthu kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwika.
Mwayi wanga unasintha pakati pa Ogasiti 2015, ndikulemba nkhani yokhudza kudalira. Mmenemo, ndidalemba mawu oti, "Kudzikonda Ndiko Njira Yothetsera Kudzidalira." Pozindikira kuphweka kwake komanso mphamvu zake, ndidapanga meme, yomwe ndidatumiza pamawebusayiti angapo.
Sindikadaneneratu momwe zingakhalire zabwino kwambiri pamalingaliro anga ndi tanthauzo lake, popeza zidapangitsa kuti pakhale zokambirana zazikulu komanso zowunikira za momwe kupanda chifukwa chodzikondera kunalumikizirana kwambiri ndi kudalira.
Apa ndipamene ndimadziwa kuti ndinali pa china chachikulu!
Monga kutulukiridwa kwina kokhudzana ndi kukhulupilira, imatha kulowa m'malingaliro mwanga isanaphunzitse chinthu chofunikira kwambiri - epiphany yotsatira.
Nthawi yanga yodzikonda ya eureka idandidzera pafupifupi miyezi iwiri pambuyo pake.
Kuperewera kwachikondi ndiko kudalira
Ndikupanga zofunikira pamsonkhano wanga watsopano wa Codependency Cure, ndidapanga gawo lotchedwa "Kudziyesa Kudzikonda Kokha ndi Kudalira Munthu Mmodzi!"
Itasindikizidwa, ndidatengeka ndi kusefukira kwachisangalalo ndi chiyembekezo. Apa ndipamene ndidamva ndekha ndikunena, Kudziyesa pawekha-Kukonda Kusokonekera ndi Kudalira! Sindikukokomeza ndikamanena kuti ndidatsala pang'ono kugwa pampando wanga ndi chisangalalo.
Pomwepo ndikuzindikira kufunikira kwa mawu osavutawa, nthawi yomweyo ndidayamba kuwalemba, ma blogs, makanema a YouTube, maphunziro, ndi makasitomala anga a psychotherapy. Ndinadabwitsidwadi ndi kuchuluka kwa anthu odalirana, akuchira kapena ayi, omwe amadziwika bwino nawo.
Ndidauzidwa mosiyanasiyana momwe zimathandizira anthu kumvetsetsa vuto lawo, osawapangitsa kudzimva kuti ndiwopunduka kapena "oyipa."
Pafupifupi nthawi imeneyo, ndidapanga chisankho chotsimikiza "kudzidalira" ndikudzikonda.
Ngakhale ndili ndimasilabi ambiri komanso limandimangiriza nthawi zambiri, ndinali wofunitsitsa kukwaniritsa malingaliro anga opuma pantchito. Posachedwa chaka chimodzi pambuyo pake: anthu masauzande ambiri, kapena kupitilira apo, alandila Kudzikondana Kokha monga dzina latsopano pamkhalidwe wawo.
Mgwirizano wakhala woti kudzikonda kwakusowa kwachisokonezo si dzina loyenerera la vutoli, koma lalimbikitsanso anthu kuti athetse vutoli.
SLDD Vutoli / SLD Munthuyo
Patangotha milungu ingapo, ndidaganiza zoyamba kampeni yapadziko lonse yopuma "njira yodziyimira pawokha," nthawi yomweyo ndikupanga kuzindikira ndi kuvomereza kuti ilowe m'malo mwake. Ndidakwaniritsa pulani yanga kudzera m'mavidiyo a YouTube, zolemba, mabulogu, zoyankhulana pawailesi ndi TV, maphunziro aukadaulo ndi semina yamaphunziro.
Ndikadakhala kuti pali bungwe lovomerezeka lokhazikika, ndikadakhala ndikuwazinga ndi zopempha kuti andilole kuti ndilowe m'malo mwa dzina loyenera, Kudzikonda Kwachinyengo (SLDD), munthuyo kukhala Wodzikonda Wokha (SLD). Ndine wonyada kunena kuti SLDD ndi SLD zikuwoneka kuti zikugwira ntchito pang'onopang'ono.
Chithandizo chodalira kudziletsa ndichodzikonda
Zomwe sindimavomereza kugwiritsa ntchito mawu oyipa omwe amapezeka pamawonekedwe amisala, ndikukhulupirira motsimikiza kuti "Choperewera" mu Kudzikondana Kwachinyengo ndikofunikira, chifukwa imafotokozera vuto lomwe chithandizo chimafunikira.
Mosiyana ndi matenda ena, SLDD ikachiritsidwa bwino, imachiritsidwa — osafunikira chithandizo chotsatira kapena nkhawa iliyonse yobwereranso kapena kuyambiranso.
Ndikuthana ndi vuto lililonse, ndikukhulupirira kuti matenda omwe munthu amapatsidwa ayenera kuchotsedwa kapena kusinthidwa ndi ena omwe akuwonetsa kuti ali ndi thanzi labwino.
Lingaliro ili lidalimbikitsidwa ndi ntchito yanga yokhudzana ndi Matenda a Kukhumudwa Kwakukulu, komwe sikukuwonetsa zizindikiritso zikapatsidwa mankhwala oyenera. Lingaliro lomweli likugwiranso ntchito ku SLDD: bwanji gwiritsitsani matendawa? Maganizo awa adandilimbikitsa kuti ndipange mawu oyimira chisankho chokhazikika cha SLDD - Codependency Cure.
Gawo lotsatira linali kupanga dzina la chithandizo cha SLDD.Mu February 2017, ndidayamba kunena za chithandizo chonga Kudzikonda-Kukonda Kubwezeretsa (SLR), chifukwa chinali kuwonjezera kwachilengedwe kwa mawu anga atsopano okondana.