"Ukakhala wosasangalala, sindimakhala wosangalala."
Kodi mawuwa akumveka bwino? Tsoka ilo, maanja ambiri omwe ali pabanja lodalirana amafanana chifukwa cha kulingalira kapena lonjezo.
Kodi muli muukwati kapena chibwenzi chodalira?
M'banja lodziyimira pawokha sizachilendo kukhala ndi machitidwe osavomerezeka, osasokoneza omwe amapezeka muubwenzi.
Kodi ili ndi vuto?
Kodi kukhala ndi chimwemwe mwa wina ndi mnzake ndi kuzunzika pamodzi si maziko a chikondi chenicheni?
Mwachiwonekere, anthu ambiri amakhulupirira kuti ali. Chifukwa chake, njira yawo yosonyezera chikondi ndi
kutenga malingaliro a wokondedwa wawo, makamaka malingaliro oyipa a mnzakeyo. Nthawi zambiri, malingaliro awa amakhala munthawi yamavuto, nkhawa komanso kukhumudwa.
Masamu a izi ndiwonekeratu: ngati onse atenga mbali ndi wokondedwa wawo, onse amakhala osasangalala nthawi zambiri, kapena nthawi yochulukirapo kuposa momwe angakhalire pawokha.
Chifukwa chake, ngati pali zikhalidwe za kudalira paubwenzi wanu, khalani nafe, pamene tikupereka zidziwitso zakumvetsetsa ubale wosadalirika, wosasamala komanso upangiri wothandiza pakugonjera kudalira paukwati kapena ubale wodalilika.
Malinga ndi Wikipedia, Codependency ndimakhalidwe muubwenzi pomwe Munthu m'modzi amathandizira kuzolowera wina, kudwala kwamisala, kusakhwima, kusasamala, kapena kuchita bwino.
Zina mwazizindikiro zazikulu zakudalira ndi kudalira kwambiri anthu ena kuti avomerezedwe ndikudzizindikira.
Mawu oti Codependency mwina amagwiritsidwa ntchito mopitilira muyeso, ndipo nthawi zambiri amatulutsa manyazi kuposa momwe amathandizira kuthetsa chilichonse.
Onaninso:
Ndikufuna kunena kuti kutenga kusasangalala kwa wokondedwa, kumawathandiza kukana malingaliro awo ndikukhala osasangalala nthawi yayitali, monga momwe mawu a Wikipedia amafotokozera.
Chimodzi mwazinthuzo ndi chifundo
M'buku lake lakuti True Love, Thick Nhat Hahn akulongosola zinthu zinayi zofunika zenizeni
chikondi. Kapenanso m'mawu ake, kuthekera koti anene monga: "Wokondedwa, ndikuwona kuti ukuvutika ndipo ndili nanu." Izi ndizothandiza komanso zochiritsa, koma sizitanthauza kuti gulu lachifundo limatenga omwe akuvutika.
M'malo mwake, ali okonzeka kukhala ndi okondedwa awo omwe akuvutika, kuti asasowe m'masautso a wokondedwa wawo ndi kuthedwa nzeru ndi izi.
Tanthauzo lenileni la 'chifundo' ndikuvutika limodzi. Koma monga Hahn akuwonetsera, wina safunika kuvutika kuti athandize wina.
M'malo mwake, gawo lina lankhondo liyenera kuti likhalepo pa zowawa za wina.
Kwa okwatirana omwe ali m'banja lodalira, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa kuti ngati wina akufuna kuyesetsa kuthetsa zowawa za mnzake, ayenera kukhala kunja kwake.
Yesetsani kufanana muubwenzi kuti mubwezeretse bata
Mbali zina ziwiri zofunika za chikondi zotchulidwa m'bukuli ndi Chimwemwe: Chikondi Chenicheni chiyenera kukhala chosangalatsa komanso chosangalatsa, nthawi zambiri.
Ndipo Equanimity, yomwe Hahn amafotokoza ngati kutha kuwona wokondedwayo kukhala wosiyana. Wina yemwe amatha kuyandikira ndikutali.
Wina yemwe amagawana naye kwambiri nthawi zina, ndipo nthawi ina amakhala kutali. Izi ndizotsutsana kotheratu ndi kudalira kokhazikika, pomwe maubale akuyenera kukhala oyandikana nthawi zonse.
Ana amaphunzira maluso oyendetsera nthawi yopatukana komanso kukhala limodzi azaka pafupifupi zitatu.
Mwanayo agwiritsitsa amayi, kenako amapita kukasewera okha kwa kanthawi, kenako amabwerera kwa amayi kwa mphindi zochepa ndi zina zotero.
Pang'ono ndi pang'ono mtunda pakati pa mayi ndi mwana umakula ndikulekana nthawi kumatalikirana. Pochita izi, mwanayo amaphunzira luso lolumikizana ndi wina kuchokera pamalingaliro ena payekha. Potanthauzira zamaganizidwe awa amatchedwa "Object mosakhazikika."
Mwanayo amaphunzira kudalira kuti amayi alipo ndipo amapezeka kuti angalumikizidwe, ngakhale atakhala kuti sanayandikire kapena sakuwoneka.
Anthu ambiri analibe ubwana wangwiro komwe amatha kuphunzira chidaliro chotere. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ndi a Milton Erickson omwe adati: "Sikuchedwa kukhala ndiubwana wabwino," koma sindinapeze umboni wokwanira.
Muukwati wodalirana, kudalirana ndi chikhulupiriro zimachepa. Komabe, muubwenzi wabwino kuphunzira kudalira mnzanu mozama kwambiri kumatha kulimbikitsa mgwirizano uliwonse.
Kudalira kumangomangidwa pang'onopang'ono
Ndi kupanga malonjezo ang'onoang'ono ndikukwaniritsa. Malonjezo awa ndi ochepa monga "Ndidzakhala kunyumba kukadya chakudya chamadzulo pa seveni" kapena "Ndikasamba ndikufuna kukhala nanu ndikumva za tsiku lanu."
Onse awiri akuyenera kupanga malonjezo ndikuyika pachiwopsezo chodalira malonjezo a mnzake.
Ngati mnzanu sakwaniritsa lonjezo lake, monga momwe zimachitikira nthawi zina, ndikofunikira kuti akambirane. Kulankhula za izi kumaphatikizaponso kupepesa chifukwa chakulephera mbali imodzi, ndikufunitsitsa kukhulupirira kuti kulephera sikunachitike mwankhanza.
Ndiko kuphunzira kukhululuka. Izi ndizosavuta ndipo zimachitika.
Ngati zokambirana zotere sizichitika, maakaunti amasonkhanitsidwa ndipo pamapeto pake amadzetsa kuzizira, kusokonekera komanso kusokonekera kwaubwenzi, zomwe zimapangitsa zinthu kukhala zovuta m'banja lodalira.
Mukawona mnzanu ali wokhumudwa, gawo loyamba ndikutenga kamphindi kuti muzindikire ndipo mwina mungaganize chomwe chayambitsa kapena chomwe chayambitsa.
- Kodi iwo sali bwino?
- Kodi pali china chomwe chinawakhumudwitsa?
- Kodi ali ndi nkhawa ndi zomwe zidzachitike mtsogolo?
Chilichonse chomwe chingakhale, yesetsani kuti musadzitengere nokha monga momwe zimakhalira muukwati wodalirana, mnzanu nthawi zambiri amatembenuka-kuwona masomphenya.
Maganizo awo si vuto lanu, kapena udindo wanu
Kungakhale kothandiza kuvomereza wekha kuti simuli mumkhalidwe woipa. Tsopano mutha kuthandiza.
Uzani mnzanu kuti mwazindikira kuti sali bwino. Funsani ngati akufuna kapu ya tiyi kapena msana wam'mbuyo kapena kuti ayankhule nanu. Mutha kungoganizira zomwe zimawasokoneza: "Kodi mukudwala mutu?" “Kodi ukukhudzidwa ndi izi?”
Yesetsani kuwonekeratu kuti awa ndi mafunso owona osati zonena, chifukwa zikuwonekeratu kuti simukudziwa chomwe chimayambitsa malingaliro awo. Thandizo lililonse lomwe mungapereke, yesetsani kuchita izi momasuka komanso mofunitsitsa, kuti pasadzakhale mkwiyo pambuyo pake.
Khalani okonzeka kumva onse inde ndi ayi
Chimodzi mwazizindikiro zosafunikira zakugwirizana ndi kuganiza kuti muyenera kusamalira, ndikuteteza mnzanu 24/7.
Kuti apulumuke kundende yaukwati wodalirana, ndibwino kuti mnzake asiye kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zawo kukwaniritsa zosowa za wokondedwa wake.
Khalani okonzeka kuvomereza kuti chithandizo chanu sichingakhale chothandiza ndipo sichingasinthe malingaliro amnzanu.
Yesetsani kuchepetsa kuyanjana kwanu ndi mafunso, kuwunika kosalowerera ndale komanso thandizo. Ngati mupanga lingaliro, khalani osavuta ndipo khalani okonzeka kuyimitsa woyamba atakanidwa.
Kumbukirani kuti siudindo wanu “kukonza” maganizo a mnzanuyo.
Pakapita nthawi, kuchita izi kumabweretsa chisangalalo chochuluka muubwenzi wanu ndikusintha ukwati wodalirana kukhala mgwirizano wathanzi.
Nyimbo yosunthira pafupi ndikutuluka itha kukhala yachilengedwe monga kupuma, ndipo kuthokoza kumatsatana nthawi iliyonse yokumana ndikubwera pafupi, ndikumva mwayi wokhala ndi munthuyu m'moyo wanu.
Ndakatulo ya Rumi Mbalame Mapiko ndikulongosola kwakukulu kwa kayendedwe kameneka pakati paubwenzi ndi mtunda, kutseguka komanso nthawi yapayokha.
Mbalame
Chisoni chanu chifukwa cha zomwe mwataya chimakweza galasi
Kumene mwakhala mukugwira ntchito molimba mtima.
Poyembekezera zoyipitsitsa, mumayang'ana m'malo mwake,
Nawu nkhope yosangalala yomwe mwakhala mukufuna kuwona.
Dzanja lanu limatseguka ndikutseka
Ndipo amatsegula ndikutseka.
Zikadakhala zoyambirira
Kapena nthawi zonse amatsegula,
Ukhoza kufa ziwalo.
Kupezeka kwanu kwakuya kuli paliponse
Kuchita mgwirizano ndikukula - Zonsezi ndizabwino komanso zogwirizana
Monga mapiko a mbalame.