Zamkati
- 1. Mumadziyimira pawokha
- 2. Mumalakalaka kukhala ndi ubale wachikondi kwambiri m'moyo wanu
- 3. Simumakhala ndi nsanje mosavuta
- 4. Sikuti umangokhala chifukwa chongotopetsa
- 5. Palibe vuto kugawana
- 6. Momwe zinthu ziliri zilibe kanthu kwa inu
- 7. Mumakonda zovuta m'mabanja
- 8. Mumavutika kuchita
- 9. Mukumva kuti mwakodwa muubwenzi wapamodzi
- 10. Mumayamikira gulu lalikulu lothandizira
Ambiri aife tidakulira ndikuwona ziwonetsero za maubale m'modzi ponse potizungulira.
Mabanja athu, madera athu, magazini omwe timawerenga komanso makanema apawailesi yakanema omwe tidayang'ana zonse zidatiwonetsa kuti ubale wachikondi udakhazikitsidwa pakukhulupirika ndi kudzipereka pakati pa anthu awiri.
Pulogalamu ya Ukwati wokhala ndi mwamuna m'modzi unali mtundu wokha waukwati. Nanga ubale wamwamuna mmodzi ndi chiyani?
Mwanjira yosavuta, ubale wotere, kapena ukwati wokwatirana wokwatirana, ndi malo omwe awiriwo amakhala okondana kwambiri. Palibe chinyengo. Onse awiri alumbira kuti adzakwaniritsa malumbiro awo amukwati ndikukhala owona kwa wina ndi mnzake.
Ngati mmodzi wa iwo asochera ndikugona ndi wina, chibwenzicho chimatha, kapena, chidaliro chimasweka, ndipo ubalewo sunakhale wofanana.
Ngakhale kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi kungakhale kofala m'malo ambiri, pali chidwi chowonjezeka padziko lonse lapansi polyamory yomwe imakhudza maubwenzi otseguka paubwenzi wapamtima kapena wachikondi ndi anthu opitilira umodzi nthawi imodzi.
Ubwenzi wophatikizika ukhoza kupangidwa ndi anthu azikhalidwe zomwezo kapena zosiyana zogonana zomwe zimakhala ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.
Kwa zaka zambiri, lingaliro la polyamory lakhala lovomerezeka kwambiri ndikutchuka kwake kuwonekera ngakhale pachikhalidwe komanso nkhani zapa pop. Tengani izi zolemba za CBSN mwachitsanzo:
Kulera kwachilendo kumakulirakulira pomwe ufulu walamulo la mabanja oterewa umasungidwa kukhothi lamilandu m'malo osiyanasiyana. Kafukufuku wosiyanasiyana akuwonetsanso kukwera kwa dongosololi, ndipo imodzi idachitika mu 2017 ikunena kuti mwa anthu 8,700 osakwatiwa ku US opitilira m'modzi mwa asanu adachita polyamory kwakanthawi m'miyoyo yawo.
Mosiyana ndi izi, kafukufuku wa 2014 adangonena kuti 4% -5% yokha yaku America akuti anali polyamorous.
Komabe, muli ndi omuthandizira komanso oyipa mbali iliyonse omwe amakhulupirira kuti njira yawo ndiyabwino. Tiyeni tiwunike mfundo izi kuti timvetsetse ngati imodzi kapena inayo ndi yoyenera kwa inu.
Monogamy vs polyamory: Zokangana
Nazi zifukwa za anthu ambiri omwe ali pachibwenzi chokha:
- Kodi anthu adapangidwira kuti akhale ndi mkazi mmodzi? Inde. Zakhala choncho mu zikhalidwe zambiri.
- Kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi ndi njira yowonetsetsa kuti ana akukula m'mabanja okhazikika momwe akumvera kukhala otetezeka mchikondi chomwe chili ndi makolo amodzi.
- Ubale wamtunduwu umalola onse awiri kutero pangani mgwirizano wolimba wodalirika komanso kulumikizana.
- Kodi chibale chimakhala chotani kwa maanja? Iwo kudalirana munthawi zabwino ndi zoipa. Kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi amapereka bwenzi lodalirika komanso lodalirika. Ena amaganiza kuti polyamory siyimabwera ndi chithandizo chotere.
- Kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi kumachepetsa chiopsezo choti onse awiri atenga matenda opatsirana pogonana popeza amangogona wina ndi mnzake.
Kodi ndizotheka kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi yekha?
- Akafunsidwa funso ili, ena amati maubale okwatirana okhaokha si abwinobwino monga timamangidwa kuti tiwonetse chikondi m'njira zosiyanasiyana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana.
Amanena kuti munthu m'modzi sangakwaniritse zosowa zathu zonse, chifukwa lingaliro lakwatirana lokha ndilachikale.
- Otsatira ena a polyamory amati zachilendo zatsopano ndikukhala ndi ubale wotseguka. "Ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu."
- Pafupifupi 20% achikulire osakwatira aku US adachita nawo polyamory kamodzi pa moyo wawo, malinga ndi kafukufukuyu wa 2016 wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
- Elisabeth Sheff, katswiri wa polyamory komanso womenyera ufulu wawo, akufotokoza zifukwa zazikulu izi zomwe anthu amati amakonda polyamory:
- Zimakwaniritsa zosowa zambiri
- Amapereka kuthekera kokonda kwambiri
- Amapereka zosiyanasiyana zogonana
- Zimakhala ndi mwayi wokhala ndi banja lokulirapo lokhala ndi chikondi chochulukirapo
M'buku lake Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners, katswiri wazamisala waku America a Deborah Anapol adati zimakhutitsanso chikhumbo cha polys chofuna ufulu komanso kupanduka.
Kuyang'ana mbali zonse ziwiri, kungakhale kovuta kusankha, ndipo mwina mumakhala mukuganiza kuti mwina mungakhale munthu amene angakhale wosangalala muubwenzi wosavomerezeka.
Mwinanso mungakhale mukuyang'ana zina mwazizindikiro kapena zizindikilo zomwe zingakufotokozereni momveka bwino kuti musankhe kukhala ndi akazi okhaokha kapena mitala.
Chabwino, tsopano mutha kusankha poyang'ana zizindikiro khumi zotsatirazi chibwenzi chokwatirana chokha si cha inu:
1. Mumadziyimira pawokha
Ngati kwazaka zambiri, simukukhala bwino ndi lingaliro lokhala moyo ndi mnzanu m'modzi ndikukhala ndi ana munthawi yake ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro choti mwina simungakonde kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi.
Kukhala moyo wokhazikika osangodalira umodzi sikungakhale kotheka ngati muli ndi ana aang'ono. Akatswiri ena amati ana achichepere mwamwambo amakula bwino akakhala ndi khola limodzi kapena kholo limodzi.
Ngati ana anu amatha kudzisamalira okha, ndiye kuti atha kukhala osakwatirana. Nthawi yomweyo, maubale ophatikizika amatanthauza kuti nthawi zonse pamakhala munthu m'modzi wosamalira mwanayo panalibe zibwenzi zina.
2. Mumalakalaka kukhala ndi ubale wachikondi kwambiri m'moyo wanu
Ngati mungapeze zokhutiritsa izi, pamwambapa, komanso kupitilira mitundu yosiyanasiyana yazakugulazi, ndiye Mutha kukhala wolumikizidwa ndi amuna okhaokha osagwirizana.
Muli ndi zambiri zoti mupereke, ndipo kukhala pachibwenzi chimodzi sichikukwaniritsa zosowa zanu.
Mukuwona kuti kukhala ndi zibwenzi zingapo kumakuthandizani kuti mukule bwino, chifukwa aliyense amapereka zina zomwe simungapeze ndi wina aliyense. Chikondi chanu ndi cholemera kwambiri pa izi.
3. Simumakhala ndi nsanje mosavuta
Ngati mumadziona kuti ndinu munthu amene sangachite nsanje pogawana mnzanu momwe akumvera komanso kugonana ndi anthu ena, mutha kusangalala ndi polyamory.
Anthu okonda kuchita zoipa samakhala ansanje; ndi chikhalidwe chomwe sichipezeka mikhalidwe yawo.
Izi zimawapatsa mwayi iwo limodzi ndi anzawo kuti azisangalala ndi maubwenzi ogonana ndi malingaliro ndi anthu ena popanda kumva kuti ali ndi vuto kapena kuwopseza kuti angalowe m'malo mwa bwenzi lawo "labwino".
Nayi kanema wosangalatsa wa anthu omwe amakhala ndi akazi okhaokha komanso amuna okhaokha omwe amalankhula zakomwe amatenga maubale otere komanso gawo la nsanje mmenemo:
4. Sikuti umangokhala chifukwa chongotopetsa
Mukudziwa nokha kuti mungadziwe kusiyana pakati pa kusungulumwa ndi wokondedwa wanu, ndi kufunikira kokhala pachibwenzi. Ndi zachilendo muukwati wokhala ndi banja limodzi kukhala ndi nthawi yosungulumwa kuchipinda.
Apa ndipamene zoseweretsa zachiwerewere, zolaula, komanso masewera agonana atha kugwiritsidwa ntchito zonunkhira zinthu koma mukufuna china chowonjezera.
Mutha kukhala mukuganiza zotsegulira ukwati wanu wokhala ndi banja limodzi kapena ma polyamory.
5. Palibe vuto kugawana
Kuvomereza kukhala osakwatira kumangotanthauza kuti mumakonda kugawana nawo. Omwe ali pachibwenzi chimodzi sayenera kulingalira zogawana bwenzi lawo.
Lingaliro logawana nawo anzanu, mtima wanu, nthawi yanu, bedi lanu, malo anu, ndikudziwa kuti anzanu akuchita zomwezo sizikusokonezani. Mulibe vuto ndi zonsezi.
6. Momwe zinthu ziliri zilibe kanthu kwa inu
Simumayesa konse kukumana ndi nkhungu iliyonse. Mwayesa kuphwanya malamulo aliwonse omwe anthu amakhala nawo ndipo simukuganiza kuti maubale amayenera kufanana ndi magawo ena. Kungoganiza za izi kumamveka kuti kukubanika.
7. Mumakonda zovuta m'mabanja
Ngati chibwenzi sichiponya zovuta patsogolo panu, sizimakusangalatsani konse. Kulimbana ndi zokwera ndi zovuta za malingaliro a anthu osiyanasiyana sizikumveka ngati ntchito yovuta kwa inu.
8. Mumavutika kuchita
Lingaliro lakukhala ndi munthu m'modzi moyo wanu wonse limakuopetsani. Sikuti simukufuna ubale wanthawi yayitali koma kugawana moyo wanu ndi munthu m'modzi kapena kutenga nawo zisankho zazikulu sikumveka bwino.
9. Mukumva kuti mwakodwa muubwenzi wapamodzi
Mwakhalapo ndipo mwachita izi koma china chake chimakhala chovuta. Sikuti ndinu odzipereka pochita mantha koma mayanjano omwe mumakhala nawo nthawi zonse amatha ndikukufunsani zambiri. Mukufuna kukhazikika koma munthu m'modzi samawoneka ngati wopemphapakati panu. Ngati mwakhala mukukhala ndi maubale angapo osakhutitsidwa motere, chitha kukhala chisonyezo kuti mwina sinjira yanu ayi.
10. Mumayamikira gulu lalikulu lothandizira
Ngati ndinu munthu amene sakonda kudalira munthu amene mumangokonda naye, mwina chibwenzi chokwatirana chokha sichili kwa inu.
Mu ubale wophatikizika, mutha kusangalala ndi kuthandizidwa ndi anthu opitilira m'modzi. Mutha kukhala ndi nthandizo yolimba, kaya yakuthupi kapena yamaganizidwe.
Mwachitsanzo, mutha kukhala ndi winawake wokuthandizani paulamuliro wanu wolimbitsa thupi. Komanso, mutha kukhala ndi winawake kuti azisamalira zosowa zanu zam'maganizo mukapanikizika ndi ntchito.
Tsopano popeza mwawona zizindikilo 10 zapamwamba kuti mudziwe zambiri zokhudzana ndi moyo wokonda amuna okhaokha komanso wokonda kuchita zinthu zambiri, muyenera kudzifunsa funso lofunika:
Mukutsimikiza kuti simukufuna solo polyamory?
Musanapange malingaliro oti musadzakhale ndi banja limodzi, dzifunseni izi: izi ndi zanu zokha, kapena kodi mumasangalalanso poganiza kuti mnzanu akugona ndi anthu ena?
Chifukwa ngati mukuganiza za polyamory koma za inu nokha, sizowonjezera zambiri. Izi ndikungopempha chilolezo kwa mnzanu kuti atuluke m'banja limodzi chifukwa chakuti mumafuna kugonana.
Izi ndi zosiyana kwambiri.
Lolani mtima wanu utsogolere
Pali maubwino komanso kutsika kwa maubale okhaokha komanso ma polyamorous.
Ziribe kanthu kusankha komwe mungasankhe, kaya mukuganiza zokhala ndi mkazi mmodzi kapena polyamory - pali chinthu chimodzi chomwe muyenera kudziwa. Njira yamtunduwu kapena ubale womwe mudasankha uyenera kuchokera pamalo achikondi kuti inu ndi mnzanu kapena abwenzi anu mukhale ndiubwenzi wabwino.