Zamkati
- Phunziro 1
- Nzeru imeneyi imachokera kwa wachinyamata.
- Phunziro la 2
- Nkhani yanu momwe kumwa kungakhudzire mabanja
- Kutenga kotsiriza
Chiwerengero cha mabanja omwe amawonongedwa ndi mowa ku United States kokha chaka chilichonse ndizodabwitsa.
Kwa zaka 30 zapitazi, wolemba, wogulitsa wamkulu wachiwiri, Life Coach, komanso nduna David Essel akhala akuthandiza kuyesa kukonza ubale wapabanja chifukwa cha mowa.
Pansipa, David amalankhula zakufunika kukhala zenizeni zakumwa mowa ndikumvetsetsa uchidakwa m'mabanja, ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi banja labwino komanso ana athanzi osati pano komanso mtsogolo.
Nkhaniyi ikuwonetsanso zotsatira za uchidakwa m'mabanja, okwatirana, ndi ana.
“Mowa umawononga mabanja. Zimathetsa chikondi. Kumawononga chidaliro. Kumawononga kudzidalira.
Zimabweretsa nkhawa yayikulu kwa ana omwe amakhala m'banja momwe mowa umagwiritsidwa ntchito molakwika.
Ndipo kumwa mowa ndichinthu chophweka kwambiri kuchitika. Azimayi omwe amamwa zakumwa zopitilira ziwiri patsiku amawerengedwa kuti ndi chidakwa, ngakhale amasamukira ku uchidakwa, ndipo amuna omwe amamwa zakumwa zopitilira katatu patsiku amawerengedwa kuti ndi omwe amamwa mowa mwauchidakwa.
Ndipo komabe, ngakhale ndi izi, komanso kuwona momwe mowa wasakazira mabanja ambiri padziko lonse lapansi, muofesi yathu timapitiliza mwezi uliwonse kuyimba foni kuchokera kumabanja omwe akutha chifukwa chakumwa mowa.
Kodi mavuto ndi zovuta zakumwa mowa mwauchidakwa m'mabanja ndi ziti?
Phunziro 1
Chaka chapitacho, banja linabwera kudzapatsidwa uphungu chifukwa anali atakhala zaka zoposa 20 akulimbana ndi vuto lakumwa mowa mwauchidakwa komanso chikhalidwe cha mkazi, chomwe chimatanthauza kuti sanafune kugwedeza bwato kapena kumunena pafupipafupi za mowa unali kuwononga banja lawo.
Pambuyo pokhala ndi ana awiri, zinthu zinaipiraipira.
Mwamuna amakhoza kukhala Loweruka tsiku lonse, kapena Lamlungu lathunthu akuchita masewera a gofu ndikumwa ndi abwenzi ake kuti abwerere kunyumba ataledzera, akumuzunza, osawonetsa chidwi chilichonse pakusangalala, kuphunzitsa kapena kucheza ndi ana pokhapokha atamwa dzanja lake.
Nditamufunsa gawo lomwe mowa udachita pakusokonekera kwa banjali komanso kupsinjika komwe anali nako pakati pa iye ndi ana ake awiri, adati, "David, Mowa ulibe nawo gawo pakulephera kwa banja, mkazi wanga ndi neurotic. Sakhazikika. Koma kumwa kwanga sikugwirizana nazo, ndiye vuto lake. "
Mkazi wake adavomereza kuti amadzidalira, kuti amawopa kuti amubweretsera zakumwa chifukwa nthawi iliyonse akamachita izi, amakangana kwambiri.
Anandiuza mkati mwa gawoli kuti atha kuyima nthawi iliyonse yomwe ndati "chabwino! Tiyeni tiyambe lero. Ikani mowa kwa moyo wanu wonse, tengani banja lanu, tengani ubale wanu ndi ana anu awiri, tiwone momwe zinthu zikuyendera. "
Ali muofesi, adandiuza pamaso pa akazi awo kuti achita izi.
Koma ndikulowera kunyumba, adamuuza kuti ndimachita misala, kuti ndiwamisala, ndipo sasiya mowa mpaka kalekale.
Kuyambira nthawi imeneyo, sindinadzamuonenso, ndipo sindidzagwiranso ntchito limodzi chifukwa chodzikuza.
Mkazi wake adapitilizabe kubwera, kudzayesa kusankha kuti akhalebe, kapena kumusudzula, ndipo timalankhula za momwe ana ake alili.
Chithunzicho sichinali chokongola konse.
Mwana wamkulu wazaka pafupifupi 13 wazaka zakubadwa, adadzazidwa ndi nkhawa kwakuti amayika ola lawo mpaka 4 AM tsiku lililonse kuti adzuke ndikuyenda m'njira ndi masitepe anyumba yawo kuti athetse nkhawa.
Ndipo nchiyani chimamupangitsa nkhawa?
Amayi ake atamufunsa, adati: "Inu ndi abambo mumangokhalira kukangana, abambo amangokhalira kunena zinthu zoyipa, ndipo ndimangopemphera tsiku lililonse kuti nanunso muphunzire kukhala bwino."
Nzeru imeneyi imachokera kwa wachinyamata.
Mwana wamng'ono akabwera kunyumba kuchokera kusukulu, nthawi zonse ankamenyana kwambiri ndi abambo ake, kukana kugwira ntchito zapakhomo, kukana kuchita homuweki, kukana kuchita chilichonse chomwe abambo amafunsa.
Mwanayu anali ndi zaka zisanu ndi zitatu zokha, ndipo pomwe samatha kufotokoza mkwiyo wake wokwiya ndikumva kuwawa bambo ake anali atamupangitsa kale, abale ake ndi amayi ake, njira yokhayo yomwe angafotokozere inali kutsutsana ndi abambo ake akufuna mwamphamvu.
M'zaka 30 ngati mlangizi Master Life Coach, ndawona masewerawa akusewedwa mobwerezabwereza. Ndi zomvetsa chisoni; ndiwamisala, ndizoseketsa.
Ngati mukuwerenga izi pakali pano ndipo mukufuna kukhala ndi “malo ogulitsira kapena awiri madzulo,” Ndikufuna kuti muganizirenso izi.
Pamene amayi kapena abambo amamwa pafupipafupi, ngakhale kumwa kamodzi kapena awiri patsiku, samapezeka wina ndi mnzake ndipo makamaka samakhudzidwa ndi ana awo.
Omwe amamwa mowa mwauchidakwa omwe amawona banja lawo likugwa amatha kusiya kumwa mphindi imodzi.
Koma iwo omwe ndi zidakwa, kapena omwe amamwa mowa mwauchidakwa, amatha kugwiritsa ntchito njira zosokonekera, zosokoneza, kuti asinthe mutu wawo ndikunena kuti "izi sizikugwirizana ndi mowa wanga, ndikuti tili ndi ana achiwawa ... Kapena amuna anga ndiopusitsika. Kapena mkazi wanga ali wovuta kwambiri. "
Mwanjira ina, munthu amene akulimbana ndi mowa sadzavomereza kuti akuvutika, amangofuna kumuimba mlandu aliyense.
Phunziro la 2
Wothandizila wina yemwe ndimagwira naye ntchito posachedwa, mayi wokwatiwa ali ndi ana awiri, Lamlungu lililonse amauza ana ake kuti awathandiza homuweki, koma Lamlungu anali "masiku ake omwa mowa mwauchidakwa," komwe ankakonda kusonkhana ndi azimayi ena mu Malo oyandikana nawo ndikumwa vinyo masana.
Akamabwerera kunyumba, samakhala ndi malingaliro kapena mawonekedwe kuti athandize ana ake homuweki.
Atatsutsa nati, "amayi mudalonjeza kuti mutithandiza," akwiya, awawuzeni kuti akule, ndikuyenera kuti aziphunzira kwambiri mkati mwa sabata osasiya ntchito zawo zonse kunyumba kuti azichita Lamlungu .
Mwanjira ina, mudadziyerekeza, ndipo anali kugwiritsa ntchito zosangalatsa. Sankafuna kuvomereza udindo wake kupsyinjika ndi ana ake, Chifukwa chake amawadzudzula iwo pomwe, kwenikweni, ndiye anali wolakwira komanso amene adayambitsa kupsinjika kwawo.
Mukakhala mwana, ndipo mumapempha amayi anu kuti akuthandizeni Lamlungu lililonse pochita chilichonse, ndipo amayi amasankha zakumwa zoledzeretsa, zomwe zimapweteka kwambiri.
Anawa amakula atadzazidwa ndi nkhawa, kukhumudwa, kudzidalira, kudzidalira, ndipo atha kukhala zidakwa kapena atalowa mdziko la zibwenzi, adzayang'ana pachibwenzi ndi anthu omwe amafanana kwambiri ndi amayi awo ndi abambo: anthu omwe sapezeka pamalingaliro.
Nkhani yanu momwe kumwa kungakhudzire mabanja
Monga chidakhwa chidakwa, zonse zomwe ndimalemba ndizowona, ndipo zidalinso zoona m'moyo wanga.
Nditayamba kuthandiza kulera mwana mu 1980, ndinkamwa mowa mwauchidakwa usiku uliwonse, ndipo kuleza mtima kwanga komanso kupezeka kwamalingaliro kwa mwana wachichepereyu kunalibe.
Ndipo sindili wonyadira za nthawi imeneyi m'moyo wanga, koma ndimawauza moona mtima.
Chifukwa ndimakhala moyo wamisala woyesera kulera ana kwinaku ndikusunga mowa pafupi ndi ine, ndidakwaniritsa cholinga chonsecho. Sindinali woona mtima ndi iwo komanso ndekha.
Koma zonse zidasintha nditaledzera, ndipo ndidakhalanso ndi udindo wothandizira kulera ana.
Ndinali wokonda kutengeka. Ndinalipo. Akamva kuwawa, ndimatha kukhala pansi ndikulankhula zowawa zomwe akumva.
Pamene amalumpha ndi chisangalalo, ndimalumpha nawo limodzi. Osayamba kudumpha kenako ndikatenga galasi lina la vinyo monga ndidachitira mu 1980.
Ngati ndinu kholo mukuwerenga izi, ndipo mukuganiza kuti kumwa kwanu ndibwino ndipo sikukukhuza ana anu, ndikufuna kuti muganizirenso.
Kusuntha koyamba ndiko kupita kukagwira ntchito ndi katswiri, kukhala womasuka komanso wowona za kuchuluka kwa zakumwa zomwe mumakhala nazo tsiku lililonse kapena sabata iliyonse.
Ndipo zakumwa zimawoneka bwanji? Ma ouniki 4 a vinyo ndi chakumwa chimodzi. Mowa umodzi ndi chimodzimodzi chakumwa chimodzi. Chakumwa chimodzi chakumwa chimakhala chakumwa.
Kutenga kotsiriza
Kubwereranso kwa banja loyambilira lomwe ndidagwira nawo ntchito, nditamufunsa kuti alembe zakumwa zingati zomwe anali nazo patsiku, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuwombera ndikuwerenga kuchuluka kwa zipolopolo mu Tumblr iliyonse yomwe amadzaza, poyamba adandiuza kuti amangomwa kawiri patsiku.
Koma mkazi wake atawerenga kuchuluka kwa zipolopolo zomwe adayika chimodzi mwazowombera zake, zinali zowombera zinayi kapena kupitilira apo pa chakumwa!
Chifukwa chake chakumwa chilichonse, adandiuza kuti adamwa, anali kumwa zakumwa zinayi, osati chimodzi.
Kukana ndi gawo lamphamvu kwambiri muubongo wamunthu.
Musamaike pachiwopsezo chowononga tsogolo la ana anu. Musaike pachiwopsezo chowononga ubale wanu ndi amuna anu, akazi anu, chibwenzi chanu, kapena bwenzi lanu.
Mowa ndiomwe amawononga kwambiri chikondi, kudzidalira, kudzidalira, komanso kudzidalira.
Ndinu chitsanzo chabwino, kapena muyenera kukhala m'modzi. Ngati mulibe mphamvu zosiya kumwa mowa chifukwa cha ana anu komanso za mnzanu, mwina ndibwino kuti mulibe banja loti muthane nalo.
Aliyense adzakhala bwino ngati mutangochoka m'banjamo kuti muzisunga zakumwa zoledzeretsa pambali panu.
Taganizirani izi.