Ubale uliwonse ndi wosiyana, wophatikizira zokumana nazo zapadera. Banja lirilonse limakumana ndi nthawi yosangalala ndi zovuta. Ngakhale palibe amene amafunikira mapu kuti azisangalala ndi nthawi yosangalala, kuthana ndi mavutowa kumakhala kovuta.
Ziribe kanthu momwe tikufunira kukhulupirira, sipangakhale zowerengera wamba kapena buku lamalamulo lomwe lingagwiritsidwe ntchito kuti mavutowa asoweke. Komabe, ndi chitsogozo kuchokera kwa akatswiri akale azamaubwenzi kuthana ndi mavuto azibwenzi kumatha kukhala kosavuta kwenikweni.
Iwo sangathetse mavuto anu kwathunthu koma, munthawi yovuta, akhoza kukuwonetsani njira yakuwala.
Kuphatikiza pa kuthana ndi mavuto am'banja, akatswiri azamaubwenzi amathanso kuzindikira zovuta zamabanja zobisika ndikupewa mavuto omwe akubwera. Kupewa kuli bwino kuposa kuchiritsa.
Malangizo awo atha kukupulumutsani ku mikangano yambiri, zotsatira zoyipa, komanso nthawi ndi khama zomwe zikadagwiritsidwa ntchito kuthana ndi vutoli.
Takhala tikuphatikiza upangiri kuchokera kwa alangizi othandizira maubwenzi ndi othandizira kuti akuthandizeni kupewa ndi kuthetsa mavuto anu apabanja.
Akatswiri adawulula malangizo abwino okwatirana kuti akhale ndiubwenzi wokhalitsa-
1. Sinthani ukali womwe umayambitsa, gwirizanani ndi mawonekedwe a zen
Dr.Dean Dorman, Ph.D.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo
Chinsinsi chokhala ndi banja lalikulu ndikutha kunyalanyaza "zoyitanira mkwiyo" zomwe mnzanu amataya kunja. Izi ndi zinthu monga kubweretsa zinthu zakale, kutukwana, kupukusa maso awo, kapena kusokoneza wokondedwa wanu akamalankhula. Izi zimapangitsa banjali kukhalabe pamutu pazokambirana.
Mikangano ikamachotsedwa siyimathetsedwa. Akasiyidwa osathetsedwa amamanga ndi kuwononga chibwenzi. Pokhapokha ngati awiriwo atakhala pa macheza kwa nthawi yayitali kuti athetse mavuto awo ndi pomwe amakhoza kusunga chibwenzicho "osakwiya."
2. Tengani udindo pazomwe mukukumana nazo
Barbara Steele Martin, LMHC
Phungu Waumoyo
Zotengeka, zabwino kapena zoipa, zimatha kupatsirana tikakhala ndi anzathu.
Chowonadi ndi chakuti chilichonse chomwe mukumva chimachokera kwa inu, osati mnzanu. Kulingalira ndi kuwongolera momwe mukumvera kudzakuthandizani kuyankha mnzanu m'njira zathanzi.
3. Umu ndi momwe mnzanu amatchulira chikondi - A-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N
Dr. Mary Speed, Ph.D., LMFT
Phungu Wa Maukwati
Pazaka zopitilira 20 ndikuchita, mutu waukulu womwe ndimamva kuchokera kwa maanja osiyanasiyana ndikuti: Mkazi wanga samandiyamikira. Amuna anga sazindikira zomwe ndimamuchitira. Kumbukirani momwe mnzanu amasonyezera chikondi; A P P R E C I A T E!
4. Musayembekezere zambiri kuchokera kwa okondedwa wanu
Vicki Botnick, MFT
Phungu ndi Psychotherapist
Nthawi zambiri malangizo abwino kwambiri omwe ndingawapatse maanja ndikuyembekezera zochepa kuchokera kwa anzawo. Zachidziwikire, tonsefe timafuna kuti okwatirana nawo atipatse chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi chithandizo chomwe timayenera kulandira.
Koma timakonda kulowa muubwenzi woganiza kuti okwatirana athu atipatsa zabwino zonse zomwe tikusowa, ndipo chowonadi ndichakuti, timakhala okhumudwa nthawi zonse (chifukwa ndikufunsa zambiri kwa munthu aliyense), ndi mnzathu amatha kumva kuti aweruzidwa.
M'malo mwake, tiyenera kudziwa momwe tingadziperekere tokha. Wakwiya kuti chibwenzi chako sichikukuyamikira?
Pangani kudzidalira kwanu kotero chidaliro chanu chimachokera mkati. Wokhumudwa bwenzi lako silikufunsa zokwanira za ntchito?
Pitani ndi mnzanu yemwe akumvetsera bwino. Kukhala ndi moyo wathunthu, ndi abwenzi ambiri, zochitika, ndi kukwaniritsa zomwe zikukwaniritseni, ndi njira yabwinoko yokhutira kuposa kufunsa wina kuti akupatseni.
Mukakhala otetezeka kuti mutha kudzipatsa nokha chikondi ndikuthandizani, ndiye kuti mutha kufunsa kena kake kuchokera kwa wina, ndipo muzisangalala mukamapeza.
5. Lemekezani kupatukana kwakanthawi (mu njira zabwino)
Nicole Tholmer, LPC, LLC
Phungu
Itanani ndi kuvomereza kupatukana mu ubale wanu. Izi zidzakuthandizani kuti mukhale ogwirizana. Yesetsani kuchita zosangalatsa, kucheza ndi anzanu, ndikulimbikitsa mnzanu kuchita zomwezo. Idzakupatsani zinthu zambiri zoti muzilankhula komanso kuti banja lanu lisakhale lotopetsa.
6. Sinkhasinkha ndi kufufuza zakuya kwa ubale wanu
Wolemba Mark OConnell, LCSW-R
Katswiri wazachipatala
Zomwe ndimachita ndi banja lililonse lomwe ndimagwira nawo ntchito limayamba ndikusinkhasinkha pomwe ndimapempha mnzanga aliyense kuti aganizire chipinda chogona kuyambira ali mwana. Kenako ndimawafunsa omwe (ngati alipo) omwe ali pakhomo, kuti atenge zomwe akukumana nazo akamapuma.
Anthu ena amawona kholo limodzi likumwetulira, lomwe limawapangitsa kumva kuti ndi otetezeka komanso amatonthozedwa. Ena atha kuwona makolo awiri pakhomo, kapena banja lawo lonse. Anthu omwe ali pakhomo akhoza kukhala ndi nkhope zosavomerezeka pankhope zawo, kapena mwina kuwonera kasitomala chilichonse monyinyirika. Makasitomala ena sawona aliyense, ndipo amatha kumva akukangana mchipinda china.
Kenako, potuluka ndikusinkhasinkha, timakambirana zomwe adaziwona, zomwe adamva, komanso momwe zimakhudzira ubale wawo. Zochitikazi zimatipatsa zithunzi zolimbikitsa kuti tigwire nawo ntchito nthawi yomwe banja lidzakangana.
Nditha kufunsa aliyense wa iwo kuti azisewera loya wina - komanso kuti azisangalala ndi ntchitoyi, mwina poyeserera loya wawo wokonda TV- ndikutsimikizira zomwe mnzake akumva komanso malingaliro ake, ndichidwi, chifundo, komanso kukhudzika momwe zingathere- kuyitanira zithunzizo monga ziwonetsero momwe zingathere.
Upangiri wanga kwa onse okwatirana ndikuyesera zonsezi kunyumba.
7. Fotokozani zosowa zanu moona mtima kuti mupewe mkwiyo mtsogolo
Arne Pedersen, RCCH, CHt.
Katswiri wamankhwala
Titha kukhala okonzeka kukhala mwanjira inayake, kupewa zinthu zomwe timakhala osasangalala kapena kuyesera kuti tisakhumudwitse wokondedwa wathu chifukwa sitikukonda zotsatira zake, mwakuti sitimafotokoza bwino zomwe tikumva.
Izi zitha kukhala chizolowezi chosafotokozera zosowa kapena malire abwino pazinthu zina zofunika kwa ife.
Zitha kuchitika mosazindikira osazindikira, koma pakapita nthawi, timataya tokha ndipo mkwiyo umatha kukulira chifukwa sitimakwaniritsa zosowa zathu.
Tikamayesetsa kulankhula chowonadi chathu mwachifundo, monga kuyamba kunena kuti "Ndiyenera kunena zowona zanga", timakhala tikufuna kuyankhula ndikumvekera momwe ife tilili, yemwe ndi munthu yemwe titha kukhalabe bwino kuposa kukhala munthu amene sitili.
8. Mverani bwenzi lanu, werengani pakati pa mizere
Dr. Marion Rollings, Ph.D., DCC
Katswiri Wazamisala
Ndikofunika kuphunzira momwe mungakangane komanso osamenyana. Kuyankhulana sikuti kumangolankhula za ife tokha basi komanso ndi momwe timalankhulirana. Kusamvana ndi kusamvana kumatha kukulira nkhondo.
Phunzirani momwe mungamvetserere zomwe mnzanu akusowa, -Pezani pansi paukali wawo ndi zowawa zawo.
9. Lankhulani kwa mphindi 15 tsiku lililonse za zinthu zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi banja lanu
Lesley A Mtanda, MA, LPC
Phungu
Ukwati ndi wovuta. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuposa momwe timaganizira. Timalowa m'banja titakhala ndi chibwenzi chodabwitsa ndipo nthawi zambiri timadabwa kupeza kuti ntchito yomwe tidapeza (kutanthauza kuti tidalembedwa ntchito ngati okwatirana) sinali yomwe timaganiza kuti timafunsa.
Zachikondi zimasunthira pang'ono ndipo chidwi chimachoka pachibwenzi kupita kuzinthu zanthawi zonse pamoyo. Zokambirana zimatha kuyamba kuyang'ana kwambiri zapakhomo, zachuma, ana, ndandanda, ndi ntchito.
Kulimbana ndi langizo langa labwino ndikulankhula ndi mnzanu tsiku lililonse osachepera mphindi 15 pazinthu zomwe sizinyumba, ndalama, ntchito, ana, kapena ndandanda. Palibe chilichonse mwazinthuzi chomwe chidakhudzidwa ndikufunsidwa kuti mugwirizane.
Pofuna kuti moto uyambe kukhala wamoyo komanso kudzipereka, kukopa, ndi kulumikizana olimba- maanja akuyenera kulumikizana mwakuya komanso kulumikizana ndichofunikira kwambiri.
10. Kukulitsa nzeru zamaganizidwe ndikofunikira kuti banja liziyenda bwino
Kavitha Goldowitz, MA, LMFT
Katswiri wazachipatala
Ponena za upangiri waukwati, pali nkhani zabwino komanso zoipa. Nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti mumatha kusintha nokha! Nkhani yoyipa ndiyakuti sungasinthe wokondedwa wako!
Kukula luntha lamalingaliro ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti banja liziyenda bwino. Nzeru zam'mutu zimatanthauza kuzindikira malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu, ndi zosowa zanu munthawi iliyonse.
Muli ndi mwayi woyankha ndikuyankhulana ndi mnzanu momveka bwino. Ndi luso lolimbitsa ubale lomwe maanja angathe kukulitsa kulumikizana kwakuya ndi kwa wina ndi mnzake.
11. Musalole kuti kukhala kholo kulande banja lanu
Michelle Scharlop, MS, LMFT
Wokwatira ndi Wothandizira Banja
Dziwani kuti ngakhale mutakhala makolo, musaiwale kukhala ndi nthawi yokhala okwatirana.
Sungani ukwati wanu ndi moyo wokhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake zomwe zikuphatikizapo kulemekezana, ubwenzi wolimba, kulolera kunyengerera, kuyamika tsiku lililonse, komanso kulumikizana, kulumikizana pamutu uliwonse.
12. Kukhala wolondola sikofunikira, yang'anirani kumvetsetsa zakumva za mnzanu
Katherine Mazza, LMHC
Katswiri wazachipatala
Tengani lingaliro la Kukhala wolondola ndikuyiyika pambali pakadali pano. Chofunika kwambiri ndikuti mnzanu akumva mwanjira inayake.
Bweretsani chidwi pamalingaliro awa. Gwiritsani ntchito ndalama kuti muphunzire chifukwa chake mnzanu akumvera motere. Ngati mungathe kusiya zofuna zanu kuti mukhale olondola, mutha kuphunzira zina zosangalatsa, ndikulumikizana pochita izi.
13. Musaganize zinthu, pitirizani kulankhulana
(Adasankhidwa) Lesley Goth, PsyD
Phungu
Yang'anani zabwino mwa anzanu tsiku ndi tsiku. Mverani nthawi zonse ndipo onetsetsani kuti mnzanu akumva kuti akumva. Musaganize kuti mukudziwa zomwe mnzanu akuganiza kapena momwe akumvera. Funsani mafunso ndipo musasiye kufufuza kuti ndi ndani.
Amuna, pitirizani kutsatira mnzanu, ngakhale mutanena kuti, "Ndimatero". Akazi, dziwitsani okondedwa anu kuti mumanyadira (nthawi zambiri komanso moona mtima).
14. Mverani mnzanu
Myron Duberry, MA, BSC
Katswiri Wamaganizidwe Wanthawi Yoyenera
Monga gulu lililonse, kulumikizana ndikofunikira. Nthawi zina mnzanu safuna njira yothetsera vuto, kuti inu mumvetsere.
Kuthetsa mavuto koyambirira, musalole kuti iwo azikulimbikitsani mpaka simungathe kuzitenga ndipo mungophulika. Kambiranani za omwe ali ndi udindo wazomwe zili kunyumba. Kupanda kutero, wina angaganize kuti akuchita zambiri kuposa gawo lawo.
15. Osanyalanyaza mavuto ang'onoang'ono. Pamodzi atha kusewera pamafunde akulu
Henry M. Pittman, MA, LMFT, LPHA
Phungu
Osanyalanyaza zovuta zazing'ono. Nthawi zambiri mavuto "ang'ono" sagawidwa kapena kufotokozedwa ndipo mavutowa amakula kukhala "akulu".
Awiriwo alibe luso lotha kuthana ndi vuto "lalikulu" chifukwa sanaphunzire kuthana ndi "zovuta zazing'onozo".
16. Kumbukirani kukhala okoma mtima kwa okondedwa wanu nthawi zonse
Suzanne Womack Strisik, Ph.D.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo
Kudzikomera nokha ndi wokondedwa wanu ndi wathanzi komanso wopatsa moyo; chimakutetezani kuti musadule, kutaya mtima, komanso mantha.
Kukoma mtima kumazindikira, mwadala, komanso kwamphamvu: kumalimbikitsa kudzidalira, kulingalira bwino, komanso kumveka bwino popanga zisankho. Ikani zosasangalatsa ndi nkhanza nthawi zambiri komanso mwachangu momwe mungathere.
17. Maziko asanu "R'S" okwatirana
Sean R Sears, MS
Phungu
Udindo- Kuti banja likhale labwino aliyense ayenera kuphunzira kutenga mbali pamalingaliro awo, malingaliro, malingaliro, machitidwe, ndi mawu.
ULEMEKE- Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati "zopanda nzeru." Komabe, sindikungonena zakuchitira mnzathu ulemu mwa zochita zathu ndi mawu athu zomwe ndizofunikira. Ndikunena za ulemu womwe umavomereza, kuyamikira ndikutsimikizira kusiyana kwathu.
KUKONZESETSA- A John Gottman akhala akunena kuti maukwati ambiri ndimakonzedwe. Ndikukonza, ndikutanthauza kukhululuka. Tiyenera kukhala achangu kuti mitima yathu isakhale yowawa, osakhulupilira kapena yotseka.
Njira yayikulu yochitira izi ndikupanga chizolowezi chokhululuka. Mabanja omwe akuvutika kwambiri nthawi zambiri amakhala kuti nthawi yomwe palibe wokondedwa wawo akumva kukhala otetezeka kapena wolumikizana. Njira yayikulu yobwerera kuchitetezo ndi kulumikizana imayamba ndikufunitsitsa kukhululuka.
Bwerezani- Chimodzi mwazinthu zoyambirira zomwe mumaphunzira monga phungu ndi luso lomvetsera mwachidwi. Kumvetsera mwachidwi ndikubwereza kwa mnzanu zomwe mudawamva akunena m'mawu anuanu. Maanja akuyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti cholinga cha uthenga wawo ndichofanana ndi zomwe zimakhudzidwa.
Njira yokhayo yochitira izi ndikupanga "cheke" komwe ndikubwereza zomwe mwamva ndikufunsa ngati mumvetsetsa bwino. Pali kusiyana pakati pa kulumikizana kwabwino ndi kulumikizana kwabwino.
KUMBUKIRANI- Tiyenera kukumbukira "golide lamulo". Tiyenera kuchitira anzathu momwe ife timafunira kuti ena atichitire. Tiyenera kudziwa kuti ukwati nthawi zonse umangogwira ntchito. Tiyenera kukumbukira kuti ukwati sutanthauza kupeza munthu woyenera koma kukhala munthu woyenera.
18. Khalani ololera zoyipa za wina ndi mnzake
Carlos Ortiz Rea, LMHC, MS Ed, JD
Phungu Waumoyo
Aliyense wamva izi: Palibe chinthu chachabechabe, nthawi zonse pamakhala china chakechina. Ngakhale iyi ndi apothegm yakale komanso yotchuka, itha kugwiranso ntchito pakusintha kwa mabanja.
Kaya tikufuna kuvomereza kapena ayi, kusinthana, malonda, kapena kubwereranso pakati pa dyad nthawi zonse kumakhala kopanda tanthauzo.
Kuchokera pamfundo iyi, titha kunena kuti, kuti tikhalebe mwamtendere, komanso ubale wabwino, tiyenera kugwiritsa ntchito mfundoyi.
Mwanjira ina, kuti tisunge ubale wabwino, tiyenera kuvomereza ndikulekerera zofooka ndi zovuta za mnzathu munjira yobwezera.
Kusunga malo apakatikatiwa, titero, kukuwoneka ngati chinsinsi chokhala ndi ubale wabwino, wokwaniritsidwa, komanso womaliza.
19. Osamagawana tsatanetsatane waukwati wanu ndi ena
Marissa Nelson, LMFT
Wokwatira ndi Wothandizira Banja
Munthu amene mukumukwatira salinso bf wanu kapena gf- mukukhala limodzi moyo. Kuti izi zitheke, ndikofunikira kusunga ndi kuteteza kukhulupirika kwa ubalewo. Mukapenga, palibe ma Facebook obwebweta kapena mawu obisika okhudzana ndi nkhondo yomwe mungakhale nayo.
Osayitananso anzanu onse kuti agwirizane ngati mukunena zowona kapena zolakwika pokangana. Banja lanu ndi lopatulika ndipo zomwe zimachitika muubwenzi wanu ziyenera kukhala muubwenzi wanu.
Izi zikachitika simumayitanitsa ena kulumikizana kwanu zomwe sizabwino. Dalirani kwa bwenzi lapamtima lodalirika kuti lipsere msanga kapena mupeze wothandizira yemwe mungawauze zakukhosi ndi kuphunzira maluso oti mukhale bwenzi labwino ndikuthana ndi mavuto.
20. Kuyang'ana kukulitsa kuzindikira pazinthu zoyipa ndikofunikira
Delverlon Hall, LCSW
Wogwira Ntchito Zantchito
Mabanja ambiri samakhala ndi chidwi chodziwa kuti okondedwa awo ndi ndani kapena salakalakadi kudziwika.
Kudziwa malingaliro osazindikira muubwenzi wanu ndikofunikira, kumvetsetsa zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa kuyambira ubwana kumayambitsidwa muubwenzi; zosowazi nthawi zambiri zimawonetsedwa muubwenzi ndipo zimasokoneza maanja akumva kuti ali pafupi.
Ubale umafunikira kutengeka mtima, kulumikizana, komanso kufunitsitsa kumvetsetsana. Kuyang'ana kwambiri kukulitsa kuzindikira za njira zoyipa komanso kufunitsitsa kukulitsa maluso okhudzana ndi zosowa ndi chiopsezo ndikofunikira kuti banja likhale labwino.
21. Mikangano imakhala yathanzi. Amathandizira kuthetsa mavuto am'banja obisika
Martha S. Bache-Wiig, EPA, CA
Wophunzitsa Wonse ndi Phungu
Musaope kukangana; zimakuthandizani kuzindikira momveka bwino zomwe zili zofunika kwa inu, komanso momwe mungatsimikizire kuti zosowa zanu zonse zakwaniritsidwa.
Koma mukamveka bwino, sankhani Chikondi, kupitirira malire, kapena nkhanza. Limbikitsani cholinga ndi chisangalalo chomwe chidakusonkhanitsani pachiyambi, ndipo chikondi chanu ndi kulumikizana kwanu zidzakula!
22. Kuyembekezera kuti mnzanu akumalizitseni kumakupatsani mwayi wokhumudwitsidwa
A Jessica Hutchison, LCPC
Phungu
Musayembekezere kuti mnzanu akumalizitseni, muyembekezere kuti athandizireni. Kuyembekezera munthu wina kuti atichiritse, kumabweretsa ziyembekezo zosatheka, ndikukhumudwitsidwa.
Ngati mukukhumudwa ndi banja lanu, dzifunseni kuti, "Kodi ndikuyembekeza mnzanga kuti achite zoposa zomwe angathe?"
Maganizo omaliza
Muzitsatira malangizowa kuti mukhale ndi banja losangalala komanso losangalala. Malangizo awa sangakuthandizeni kupyola nthawi yovuta ya chibwenzi chanu mosamala komanso kukuthandizani kuzindikira zizindikilo zamavuto pasadakhale.