Zamkati
"Tingalankhulane?" Awa ndi mawu omwe amadziwika pakati pa maanja. Kulankhulana ndikofunikira muubwenzi uliwonse, kaya kunyumba kapena kuntchito, koma kuti kulumikizana kugwire ntchito yake yothetsa kusamvana ndikumvetsetsa bwino, onse akuyenera kukambirana.
Nthawi zambiri sizikhala choncho. Nthawi zambiri munthu m'modzi amafuna kulankhula ndipo wina amafuna kupewa kuyankhula. Anthu omwe amapewa kuyankhula amapereka zifukwa zosalankhulira: alibe nthawi, saganiza kuti zithandizira; amaganiza kuti anzawo kapena okwatiranawo amangofuna kulankhula kuti athe kuwongolera; amawona kukhumba kwa wokondedwa wawo kuti azilankhula monga zongokakamiza kapena njira ina yofuna kuwalimbikitsa.
Chifukwa chiyani anthu samalankhulana?
Nthawi zina anthu omwe samayankhula ndi anthu ogwira ntchito mopitirira muyeso omwe amakhulupirira zomwe zikuchitika, osalankhula, ndipo moyo wawo wonse amakhala akugwira ntchito kapena kuchita ntchito zina. Nthawi zina, amakwiya ndipo amadziletsa chifukwa amasungira chakukhosi mnzawo. Nthawi zina amavomera kukambirana koma amangopita kukasangalatsa anzawo; motero palibe kupita patsogolo kwenikweni komwe kumachitika.
Komabe, chomwe chimayambitsa anthu omwe safuna kuyankhula ndikuti sakufuna kusiya kukhala olondola.
Confucius adanena kale,
"Ndayenda kutali kwambiri, koma sindinapeze munthu yemwe angadzipezere yekha chiweruzo."
Zikuwoneka kuti anthu ambiri amafuna kuwona zinthu momwe angafunire, ndipo alibe chidwi ndi zokambirana zilizonse zomwe zingawachititse kusiya malingaliro awo amtengo wapatali. Amangokhala ndi chidwi chopambana osati pakupereka ndi kulumikizana koona.
Izi sizowona kwa omwe safuna kuyankhula.
Abwenzi omwe amafuna kuyankhula nthawi zambiri amangokakamira kukakamiza anzawo kuti alondola, potengera zokambirana "momasuka".
Ichi chitha kukhala chifukwa china chomwe wokondedwa wawo safuna kuyankhulirana. Poterepa, mnzake amene akufuna kuyankhula akungonamizira koma kwenikweni safuna kuyankhula (kambiranani momveka bwino) konse. Mfundo yake ndiyakuti munthu amene safuna kuyankhula atha kukhala munthu amene akukana kuyankhula kapena amene amadzionetsera ngati akufuna kuyankhula.
Pali mbali ziwiri zavutoli:
(1) kuzindikira munthu yemwe safuna kuyankhula,
(2) kupangitsa munthu ameneyo kuyankhula.
Mbali yoyamba ikhoza kukhala yovuta kwambiri. Pofuna kuzindikira munthu amene safuna kulankhula nanu; muyenera kukhala wofunitsitsa kudziyang'ana moyenerera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati ndinu amene mukufuna kuyankhula, zidzakuvutani kuzindikira kuti simulimbikitsidwa kuyankhula kotero kuti mnzanu awone malingaliro anu ndikumvera zomwe mukufuna kuti musinthe khalidwe lake.
Ngati ndiwe munthu amene amangokhalira kukana kulankhula, zingakhalenso zovuta kwa inu kusiya zifukwa zanu. Mudzaganiza kuti zifukwa zanu zosalankhulira ndizolungamitsidwa kwathunthu ndipo sizingafune kuziganizira kapena kuzifufuza.
"Nthawi zonse tikamalankhula zimangobweretsa mkangano?" munganene, kapena, "Ndilibe nthawi ya izi!" kapena, "Mukungofuna kuimba mlandu chilichonse pa ine ndikundiuza kuti ndisinthe."
Dziyang'anireni moyenera
Izi zimafuna kulimba mtima kwambiri kuposa kudumpha kuchokera kumoto woyaka. Izi ndichifukwa choti mukadumpha pamoto woyaka moto, mumadziwa zomwe zimaphatikizidwa, koma poyesera kuti mudziyang'anire nokha, mumakumana ndi chikomokere. Mukuganiza kuti mumadziyang'ana nokha ndipo mukudziwa kuti ndichiyani.
Freud anali wama psychologist woyamba kunena kuti ambiri amalingaliro athu sazindikira kanthu. Chifukwa chake ndikupanga kuzindikira komwe sikudziwa chomwe ndi gawo lovuta lodziyang'ana wekha moyenera.
Momwemonso, anthu omwe amakana kulankhula ayeneranso kudziyang'ana pawokha moyenera. Chifukwa chake kwa bwenzi lirilonse, amene amakana kuyankhula komanso amene amanamizira kuti akufuna kuyankhula, onse awiri ayenera kuyamba kutengapo gawo loyambirira kuti adziwe ngati akufunadi kulankhula kapena chifukwa chomwe samafunira kuyankhula.
Ngati ndinu mnzanu yemwe mukufuna kuyankhula ndipo mwakhala mukuyang'ana kwa nthawi yayitali njira yopezera wokondedwa wanu kuti azilankhula, chinthu choyamba ndikudziyang'ana nokha. Kodi mungakhale mukumupangitsa kuti asalankhule chiyani? Njira yabwino yopezera wina kuti alankhule yemwe safuna kuyankhula ndikuyamba ndi kutenga nawo mbali pazomwe mungachite pankhaniyi.
“Ndikuganiza kuti simukufuna kulankhula chifukwa mukuganiza kuti ndingonena zambiri kapena zofuna ngati titayankhula,” mungatero. Mukuwonetsa kumvera ena chisoni ndipo mwina zitha kuwonetsa kuti mukugwirizana ndi mnzake.
Ngati ndiwe munthu amene amakana kulankhula, mungayesenso njira yofananayo. Mnzanu akamati, “Tilankhule,” mungayankhe kuti, “Ndikuopa kulankhula. Ndikuopa kuti mwina ndiyenera kusiya kunena zoona. ” Kapenanso mutha kunena kuti, "Ndikumva kuti mukumva kuti sindimakumverani, koma ndimaopa kuyankhula chifukwa m'mbuyomu ndidakuwonani ngati ndikufuna kuwonetsa kuti ukunena zowona ndipo ndikulakwitsa."
Mawu oti "wodziwa zambiri" ndi ofunikira apa chifukwa amachititsa kuti zokambiranazo zizikhala zodalirika komanso zimathandizira kukambirana. Mukanena kuti, "Ndikuopa kulankhula chifukwa m'mbuyomu nthawi zonse mumafuna kuti munditsimikizire kuti ndalakwitsa." Tsopano mawuwa amapezeka ngati chonamizira ndipo samabweretsa zokambirana ndi kukonza.
Kuti wina alankhule amene safuna kuyankhula, iwe uyenera kulankhula kaye m'njira yomwe sufuna kuyankhula - izi zikumumvera chisoni mnzanuyo m'malo moyesera kuti mumupezerepo. Kuti wina asiye kuyesezera kuti akuyankhula, muyenera kumumvera chisoni mnzanuyo ndikuwonetsa cholinga choperekera ndi kutenga.
Inde, ndizovuta. Koma palibe amene adati maubale ndiosavuta.