Zamkati
Kutha kwa kugonana ndikolimba, kwachilendo komanso kwankhanza - maubwenzi apamtima ndi apadera komanso abwino, ngati kugonana kwatsiku ndi tsiku kungakhale kofanana ndi zodzoladzola ndiye kuti palibe amene angayesere momwe angachiritse zamatsenga muubwenzi wawo.
Kutha kwa chiwerewere nthawi zambiri kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kuposa kugonana kwanthawi zonse koma funso lofunika ndiloti chifukwa chiyani kutha kwa banja kumakhala ndi zotulukapo zoterezi?
Chiphunzitso chodzutsa chidwi
Lingaliro latsamba lachiwerewereli limapangitsa kuti mkhalidwe wokonda kutengeka kwambiri womwe mwakhala nawo pakutha kwanu usandulike mphamvu yakugonana ngati njira yothetsera izi.
Kuyesa kwa mlatho kochitidwa ndi a Donald Dutton ndi Arthur Aron mu 1974 ndichitsanzo chapadera cha momwe mantha angalimbikitsire mayankho osiyanasiyana pokopa kuposa malo 'abwinobwino'.
Poyesaku, mzimayi wokongola adalumikizana ndi amuna pomwe adayimilira pa mlatho wowopsa kapena mlatho wabwinobwino. Pambuyo pake, adamaliza kufunsa mafunso omwe anali pa mlatho wowopsa omwe adawonetsa kukwezedwa kwakukulu kogonana.
Kodi zingakhale zotheka kuti zonse zitatayika, pomwe mukudziwa kuti ndi nthawi yoti musiye kupita kwina, kuopa kutaya munthu amene mumamukonda komanso kuopa tsogolo lanu kumalimbikitsa mphindi imodzi yomaliza yakugonana mwamphamvu?
Zikuwoneka kuti izi zitha kuchititsa mavuto obwera chifukwa chokana kugonana.
Ndi nkhani yofananira ndi kugonana kwodzipanganso, ngakhale kutulutsidwa kwa mantha otayika kungakhale chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chomwe chimayambitsa kuyankha kosangalatsa.
Chosangalatsa ndichakuti, malingaliro okweza atha kuyambitsidwa ndi malingaliro abwino komanso oyipa omwe amatanthawuza kuti ndizotheka kupanga yankho ili mwakufuna kwanu, kuti mukulitse kugonana kwanu ngati mukufuna!
Chifukwa chake ngati simukudziwa zomwe kugonana kumathetsa, Nazi zomwe muyenera kudziwa.
Kugonana ndi chiwerewere ndi kugonana komwe mumagonana ndi wokondedwa wanu posachedwa, nthawi yayitali kapena mutatha kutha ndipo zitha kukhala zosangalatsa.
- Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti kuthetsa kugonana ndikwabwino kuposa kugonana ndi zodzoladzola.
- Chikhalidwe chosangalatsa cha kutha kwa banja ndichachikulu chifukwa inu ndi mnzanu mukudziwa bwino kuti mwina simudzakhalanso ndi mwayi wogonana ndi munthuyu womwe umaphatikizidwa ndi yankho lokweza.
- Ndiye kutsanzikana komaliza.
- Kutha kwa chiwerewere ndi mchitidwe wogonana wokakamiza womwe umakankhira onse awiri kuti atenthedwe ndikukhala munthawiyo.
Pamene awiri akuchita chibwenzi chothetsa chibwenzi, ndizotheka kuti ali kanthawi kokwanira, akusangalala ndi nthawi yawo yocheperako ndi munthu amene amamukonda.
Kuchita nawo chidwi chilichonse chomaliza chomwe adasangalala nacho ndipo mwina adachipeputsa kwanthawi yayitali. Ngakhale tikudziwa kuti sipadzakhalanso mwayi wotere. Kutha kwa chiwerewere ndiko kuchita kapena kufa ndipo kumalimbikitsa malingaliro opezekapo ogonana omwe nthawi zambiri timawatenga mopepuka m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku.
Palibe choletsa pankhani yothetsa kugonana, ndi nthawi yeniyeni kuyankha kwakanthawi ndi chidule cha zonse zomwe mudakhala limodzi, zonse zomwe mwakhala limodzi komanso zonse zomwe mudzakhale opanda mtsogolo - sizodabwitsa kuti ndi zabwino kwambiri.
Chenjerani ngakhale pali zoopsa zomwe zingachitike chifukwa chogonana
Kutha kwa banja kumakhala bwinoko pomwe chibwenzicho chimakhala chabwino, koma nonse mwazindikira kuti nthawi yakwana. Zimapangitsa kukondana ndipo zimawoneka ngati njira yabwino yosonyezera chisangalalo ndikupanga zonse zomwe mumakonda wina ndi mnzake.
Komabe, nthawi zina kuthetsa chibwenzi kungakhale koopsa kungakhale:
- Pangani chisokonezo
- Makamaka ngati maphwando amodzi sali okonzeka kusiya ubale wawo. Zitha kusokoneza malingaliro ndikupangitsani kukayikira ngati mwasankha mwanzeru. Zingapangitsenso kukhala kovuta kupitiliza.
- Bweretsani winawake ku chiyanjano chankhanza kapena chovulaza.
- Chifukwa cha chisokonezo chomwe chidabweretsa m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo, chitha kukopa anthu kubwerera kuubwenzi womwe akuyenera kuthawa.
- Itha kukoka kutha ndikusokoneza chibwenzi moyipa pakapita nthawi. Makamaka ngati mwasokonekera chifukwa chakutha ndipo mwayesapo kuyambiranso chibwenzicho.
- Gwiritsani ntchito kusunga wina pafupi yemwe mnzake safuna kumusiya.
Mwachidziwikire, lamulo labwino kwambiri pankhani yakuletsa kugonana ndikungopanga nawo ngati mumakondanabe ndipo mukufuna kukhalabe abwenzi ndipo ngati nonse mukufuna kupatukana. Mwanjira imeneyi zoopsa zina zothetsa kugonana zimachepetsedwa.
Pomaliza kutha, kugonana ndichinthu choledzeretsa komanso chosangalatsa munthawi yoyenera, koma chiopsezo chakusokonekera kwamaganizidwe chikhoza kukhala chachikulu.
Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti kutha kwa banja kuyenera kukhala koyanjana komanso kwabwino pokhapokha ngati onse awiri atafuna kuchoka pachibwenzi.
Ndizoopsa kwambiri ngati mutayesa kugwiritsa ntchito kugonana ngati njira yothetsera vuto.
Izi zati, simuyenera kudikirira kuti mudzapeze zodabwitsa zakugonana, mutha kuyamba kuyamika wokondedwa wanu nthawi iliyonse mukakhala pachibwenzi ngati kuti simudzawawonanso ndikuwona momwe moyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku kugonana ndi kukondana kumakula bwino kakhumi.