Zamkati
- 1. Wonyenga ayenera kubwera poyera
- 2. Kukhulupirika kumakhalabe kosatha
- 3. Muyenera kudandaula za ubale womwe mumaganiza kuti muli nawo, ndipo sizachilendo
- 4. Ngati ndinu wonyenga, pemphani mnzanuyo
- 5. Onani gawo lanu pazonsezi
- 6. Dziwani kuti maubwenzi pambuyo pa kubera mayeso sathera pomwepo
Kodi mukufunsa momwe mungapititsire patsogolo ubale wanu woyamba mutazindikira kuti mnzanu wakunyengani? Kodi mukufuna kupulumutsa mgwirizanowu, koma simukudziwa komwe mungayambire? Ndipo ngati mungaganize zokhalira limodzi, banja lanu liti? Kodi zingakhale chimodzimodzi?
Ngati muli ngati anthu ambiri omwe adakumana ndi kusakhulupirika m'banja lawo, mumakhala ndi nkhawa yakukayikira. Mukukayikira kuwona mtima kwa mnzanuyo, osati zongotengera zochitika zapabanja zowonjezera komanso m'mbali zonse za moyo wake.
Kupatula apo, mukuganiza, ngati anganene zabodza pankhaniyi, zikutanthauza kuti akunama pazinthu zinanso.
Chifukwa chake, chinthu choyamba chomwe mungafune kuyamba kukonza m'mayanjano anu mutabera ndikudalira. Ndipo kuti muchite izi, nthawi zonse zimakhala bwino kugwira ntchito ndi mlangizi wa maanja.
Mlangizi wa maanja wawona zonse, ndipo palibe chomwe munganene pachinsinsi cha ofesi yawo chomwe chingawadabwitse kapena kuwasokoneza. Akutsogolerani m'masiku ovuta kwambiri awa ndikuthandizani kumvetsetsa kuti zomwe mukumva sizachilendo ndipo, nthawi zambiri, zimatha kubwezeredwa ngati nonse mukufuna kusunga ubale wanu.
Tiyerekeze kuti mumatero. Chifukwa chake tiyeni tiyambirenso kukhulupirirana - kukhulupirirana komwe kunatayika mnzanu ataganiza kuti ndibwino kuchita zina zosagwirizana ndi amuna okhaokha.
1. Wonyenga ayenera kubwera poyera
Izi zikutanthauza kuti ayenera kukhala wowona mtima ndi inu. Ayenera kuyankha funso lililonse lomwe mungamuponye, ndipo akuyenera kuyankha moona mtima 100%. Mwalandira ufulu wodziwa zonse ndikudziwa zonse m'mbali zonse za moyo wake.
Kuti ayambirenso kukhulupirirana, wosakhulupirirayo ayenera kuvomereza kuti, kuti, apereke manambala achinsinsi pafoni yake, imelo yake, maakaunti ake onse pa intaneti, ngati mungafune kudutsa izi.
Mwina simungatero. Mutha kuwona kuti kuvumbula zomwe zapangitsa kuti achite zachinyengo kungapweteke kwambiri kuposa izi, zotsatira zakubera. Koma kukhala owona mtima kwathunthu ndi gawo limodzi lakukhazikitsanso chidaliro, ndipo amene adasokoneza chidaliro ayenera kumvetsetsa izi.
2. Kukhulupirika kumakhalabe kosatha
Wabodza sangakhale wowonekera poyera komanso wowona mtima za kusakhulupirika. Ayenera kudzipereka kuti azikhala moyo wowona mtima mmbali zonse, osangokhala paubwenzi wanu.
Anthu oona mtima amachita zinthu zachilungamo nthawi zonse.
Samadumphadutsa pamsewu wapansi panthaka, samachita kubera misonkho, samaponya mthumba kuchuluka kwa zosintha zomwe wolandirayo awapatsa molakwika. Ingoganizani? Moyo wamoyo 100% mowona mtima umamva bwino! Sipadzakhalanso kukhazikitsa akaunti yapadera ya imelo pazinthu zoyipa, osatinso kuphimba mayendedwe anu mukamachita zomwe akudziwa kuti sayenera kuchita.
Kuwona mtima ndiko kumasuka ku mthunzi wa liwongo.
3. Muyenera kudandaula za ubale womwe mumaganiza kuti muli nawo, ndipo sizachilendo
Osayesa kukankhira zoipa kumbuyo kwanu kuti mubwezeretse ubale wanu mutabera mwachangu momwe mungathere. Lolani kuti mumve kupweteka kwa kusakhulupirika kumeneku. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kuwona kuti zochita zake zakupweteketsani mtima, zomwe zingatenge nthawi kuti ziwonongeke.
Mukufuna kuti aliyense aganizire kuti ubale wanu uli bwino, kapena mukuchita manyazi kuvomereza kuti "ukwati wanu wangwiro" sunali wangwiro, kapena mwina simumakhala bwino ndi kukhala ndi kusangalala.
Ngati mumakankhira pambali malingaliro oterowo, zomwe mumachita zimatumiza uthenga kwa mnzanu wonyengayo kuti ichi sichinali chinthu chachikulu ndikuti mwina sangachokerenso.
4. Ngati ndinu wonyenga, pemphani mnzanuyo
Pemphani chikhululukiro. Muyenera kupepesa mobwerezabwereza. Musalole kuti izi zikusokonezeni. M'malo mwake, idzakuwombolani.
Ngati ndinu okondedwa, zingakhale zovuta, koma khululukirani mnzanu yemwe akukondani mutakhala ndi chisoni choyenera Musapachikike pazopwetekazo komanso kusungirana chakukhosi, chifukwa zimakupweteketsani momwe zimamupwetekera.
Kupanga iye "kulipira mtengo" sikungakhale kopindulitsa ngati mukufunadi kupitilira nthawi yovutayi ndikukonzanso ubale wanu.
Kumukhululukira ndi gawo lanu pantchito yobwezeretsa.
5. Onani gawo lanu pazonsezi
Sikuti ndiomwe mudatuluke kunja kwa chibwenzicho, koma muli ndi ngongole kwa wokondedwa wanu kuti akhale pansi ndikukambirana za gawo lanu zomwe zidapangitsa izi.
Mwinanso amamva ngati simukumuyamikira. Mwina anali atatopa ndi kukana kwanu kupanga zibwenzi. Mwina adazindikira kuti salinso patsogolo kwa inu, koma wongopeza zofunika pamoyo, komanso amene sanamvepo "zikomo".
Apanso, izi ndi zokambirana zomwe muyenera kukambirana pamaso pa mlangizi wa maanja, popeza iyi ndi mitu yotentha yomwe imafunika kuigwira mofatsa komanso mozindikira.
6. Dziwani kuti maubwenzi pambuyo pa kubera mayeso sathera pomwepo
Mabanja ambiri apulumuka chigololo.
M'malo mwake, wothandizira maanja a Esther Perel amalankhula zamomwe mungakhalire bwino ndikubwezeretsanso banja lanu pambuyo ponyenga m'buku lake The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.
Pezani chitonthozo podziwa kuti inunso, mutha kuyambiranso, ngakhale mutaperekedwa.