Zamkati
- Kusudzulana kumayambitsidwanso ndi akazi
- Nanga ndi kuzindikira ndi njira ziti zomwe zingateteze ukwati?
- Lonjezo la chikondi
- Sungani. Sungani zambiri
- Koma ngati kulumikizana kukugwera, mwina chizindikirocho chikufunika kulimbikitsidwa.
- Ndipo chinthu chinanso: mwina kumamva kuti kupereka sikokwanira, kapena kudula.
Moyo wamakono - timayesetsa kupita patsogolo m'njira zosiyanasiyana monga gulu. Pankhani yaukwati - kodi tikupita patsogolo motani, m'malo ogwirizana kwambiri pakati pa anthu? Ngati titha kuyeza ndi mabanja osudzulana, zikhalidwe zomwe zikuchitika zitha kutipangitsa kukhulupirira kuti ziwerengero zamabanja zimangochulukirachulukira.
Chowonadi nchakuti, zisudzulo zimasiyana mosiyanasiyana m'maiko, kutengera zifukwa zambiri. Kuwonjezeka kwa madera ena okhala ndi mitengo yokwera, monga madera aku Europe (Kafukufuku waposachedwa akuwonetsa Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Czech Republic ndi Portugal ndi mitengo yopitilira 60%, Belgium ikukwera 73%!), Zikuwonetsa kuti kusakhazikika kwachuma, modzichepetsa miyezo yazifukwa zosudzulana, ndi zochepa chabe pamasewera. Ngakhale kuti US ikukhalabe pamwamba 10 pamiyeso yamayiko osudzulana, mitengo yonse yakhala ikugwa kuyambira pachisudzulo cha ma 70s / 80s; maphunziro apamwamba akuwoneka kuti ndi omwe amalembetsa kwambiri; omwe ali pamunsi kapena pansi pa umphawi ali pachiwopsezo chachikulu.
Kusudzulana kumayambitsidwanso ndi akazi
William Doherty, U wa ku Psychologist wa ku Minnesota, akuti poganiza kuti, pafupifupi 2/3 za zisudzulo zimayambitsidwa ndi azimayi, chifukwa chake tikamaganizira za chisudzulo, akuti, tikulingalira za kusintha kwa zomwe amayi akuyembekeza - lingaliro lanzeru ofunika kufufuza zina. Kuyambira koyambirira kwa zaka za m'ma 2000, malingaliro ndi machitidwe amukwati asintha mosalekeza; monga nthawi zonse, ena amakhala abwino, mwina ena ayi. Pomwe zaka 50 zapitazo, mudakwatirana moyo wonse, ndipo ndi momwe zidalili. Tsopano, ndife okonzeka kulingalira zosankha zonse; Zowonadi, malingaliro athu amakono ndi psyche, ndinganene kuti, asunthira kutali ndikudzipereka kosachita kufunsa, atakwatirana (zabwino zenizeni).
Komabe, popeza chidwi cha anthu chokhudzidwa ndi chisangalalo chaumwini chakhala gawo limodzi la malingaliro athu onse, ndinganene kuti tili mgulu la funso loti, "Ndipindulanji?" Timazindikira bwino za ufulu wathu, zomwe tingasankhe, komanso kufunafuna kwathu chisangalalo. Zabwino kwa ife. Ndi basi, kubwerera ku funso lakale - chisangalalo chenicheni ndi chiyani, chimapezeka kuti? Peruse Psychology Today zomwe zili, zomwe zili ndi zolemba zambiri zabwino, komabe mudzawona zingwe zingapo zakupeza kukhutitsidwa kwanu.
Nanga ndi kuzindikira ndi njira ziti zomwe zingateteze ukwati?
Kodi timagwiritsa ntchito chiyani apa? Ndikufuna kutsatira zomwe M. Scott Peck adanena pamzere woyamba wa mutu wake wakale, The Road Less Traveled. "Moyo ndi wovuta". Akupitiliza kunena kuti ambiri amathera kuchipatala, kapena pamavuto omwe timachita, chifukwa timapewa ntchito yolimba yothetsera mavuto athu. Tikufuna njira zazifupi. Kuyika ndalama kumafuna ntchito. Sichikugwirizana ndi malingaliro achikhalidwe chathu chomwe tikuchulukirachulukira nthawi yomweyo, sichoncho, kuvutika ndi zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa.
Palibe ubale womwe ungakwaniritse zosowa zathu zonse, nthawi zonse. Koma, mukadzipeza kuti simukukhutira, ndikosavuta, ndipo ndimatha kukangana, mwina mwachibadwa, kuti muwone, mukakhala kuti mukucheperako kubwerera ndi mnzanu. Peck adati, ndipo ena anena mwanjira zina: ulesi ndichosiyana ndi chikondi. Mwinanso kulephera kudzikundikira ndi chisangalalo chathu kumangokhala gawo lalikulu pomwe zinthu sizili bwino.
Ngati chikhalidwe chathu chikuyamba kutigulitsa lingaliro lakuti, mwina "zinthu sizikhala kwamuyaya - ngakhale mutakhala limodzi", (zikomo Sheryl Crow) - ngati titayamba kugula malingaliro amenewo - m'malo mowirikiza pakakhala zowawa zakusakhutira, tikhoza kukopeka kuti tigwirizane ndi malingaliro achikondi a ufulu ndi chikondi chatsopano, kapena kusiya zomwe tikuwona kuti ndizomwe zimayambitsa zowawa zathu.
Lonjezo la chikondi
Mwinamwake ndi mu lonjezo lenileni la chikondi chopanda malire, kuti chinthu chosatha chikhoza kukhala ndi moyo. Ngati simukumva, mwina mumakhala pakati pa a) malingaliro okhumba kapena kukopeka ndi chinthu china, vs. b) kumverera kuti muyenera kukhazikika kapena kuvutika, ine ndikupangira msewu wopita ku gawo lachitatu, lomaliza lokhutiritsa, limodzi Ndikukhulupirira kuti ndikutsutsana kwambiri ndi chikhalidwe?
Sungani. Sungani zambiri
Amati timakonda china chake chomwe timayikamo. Heck, ngakhale m'mayanjano osavomerezeka, akuti nthawi zina "timathamangitsa ndalama zathu, kuyesera kuti tibwezere ndalama zathu. Tsopano sindinena zamaukwati osavomerezeka, osagwirizana pomwe palibe kubwezerana. Mwinamwake muli ndi mnzanu yemwe mukuyang'ana. Monga malangizo awa, zida zingapo zimafunikira pantchitoyo. Nthaŵi zina ndakhala ndikugwira ntchito ndi kasitomala m'njira zosokoneza zomwe okondedwa wawo angachite nazo chidwi, mwina ngakhale kubweza zomwe apereka mwanjira inayake, kwakanthawi, ndicholinga kapena cholinga. Kuyang'ana mopambanitsa pa zosowa zathu zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe, kudzasokoneza zokonda zathu. Timamva za ena akuyesa njira yolekanitsa, kapena winawake amatsimikizira zowawa zathu, ndipo titha kugunda batani lowononga.
Koma ngati kulumikizana kukugwera, mwina chizindikirocho chikufunika kulimbikitsidwa.
Pitani ku njira yanu kuti mukhale oganiza bwino; chitirani zinthu zina kwa wokondedwa wanu zomwe zimawawonetsa chikondi chanu. Ndipo dziperekeni kwa kanthawi - mupatseni masabata angapo, kuti mnzanu athe kuzindikira kusiyana kwake. Osapita kuthamangitsa kuvomereza kwawo. Ingochitani. Khalani okhazikika; kuphika iwo. Pangani moyo kukhala wosavuta. Afunseni za iwo eni ndi nkhawa zawo. Ganizirani momwe mumakwanitsira zosowa zawo. Ganizirani m'malingaliro anu apadera, zamakhalidwe omwe mumawakonda ndikuwayamikira.
Kafukufuku waposachedwa akuti kusilira ndi njira yothandiza kwambiri yopulumutsira moyo. Limbikitsani kuyamika kwamkati mwanu tsiku ndi tsiku kwa munthu amene mwamusankha kukhala pampando wapamwamba kwambiri m'moyo wanu. Ngati sanakhale munthu amene mumawakonda, ganizirani ngati mphamvu zina zamoyo zikanawakhudza. Sitingayime ngakhale pang'ono kuti tidziwe kukhumudwa, nkhawa kapena gawo lachisoni, zachipatala, kapena zovuta pakusintha moyo. Alimbana, ngati tili achilungamo titha kudzikumananso. Kodi tikumanga banja lotani ngati titenga lingaliro lakuchoka zikafika povuta? Nkhani yokhudzana ndi kasitomala yomwe ndidamva posachedwa akuti ndemanga ya othandizira awo chifukwa chake mabanja ena samakwanitsa, pomwe ena samatero? “Kwa ena, kuthetsa ukwati si njira yabwino yothetsera ukwati.”
Ndipo chinthu chinanso: mwina kumamva kuti kupereka sikokwanira, kapena kudula.
Ambiri amasiya ukwati wawo ndendende chifukwa cha zosowa zomwe sanakwaniritse; komabe ambiri omwe ndimakumana nawo asiya, kapena nthawi zambiri, osayimilira kuti afunse momveka bwino, kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo, kuti apatsenso mwayi wokwatirana nawo. Mwinamwake ndalama zanu mwa mnzanu, ndizochita zomwezo - imani ndikupempha zosowa zanu kuti zikwaniritsidwe.Zimatipweteketsa ife pachiwopsezo; zimawononga ndalama zathu kuti tiwadikire, komanso kuwapatsa mwayi. Ndipo inde, tifunikanso kupirira, pamene tilingalira katundu aliyense wamoyo omwe angakhale nawo. Lamulo lagolide - ndikosavuta kubwerera, ndikuwala kwatsopano. Lawi la moto wosasunthika, limapatsa kusiyanasiyana kosiyanasiyana.