Zamkati
- 1. Choyamba, kumbukirani yemwe mudakwatirana naye
- 2. Chachiwiri, khalani okoma mtima ndi aulemu kwa mnzanu
- 3. Kenako, yang'anani m'maso
- 4. Pomaliza, ngati chitani ayambanso kuyankhula, kuyembekezera madzi oyipa
Jason ndi wolimbikira ntchito wogulitsa nyumba ndi nyumba wazaka za m'ma 40. Kwa zaka zambiri, mkazi wake wokhulupirika Tabitha adathandizira Jason pomupangira kampani yake, ndipo posachedwapa asiya ntchito kuti agwire ntchito yolera komanso kupanga mabanja. Iyi iyenera kukhala nthawi yosangalatsa muukwati wawo, koma Jason nthawi zambiri amagwira ntchito mochedwa, ndipo akafika kunyumba, Tabitha ali kwina: pafoni, kusamalira mnansi wodwalayo, kukagona ana awo akusukulu. Ali paliponse pomwe amafunikira koma kulibe komwe kuli Jason.
Panali nthawi, kumayambiriro kwaukwati, pomwe Jason ndi Tabitha amakangana kwambiri za nthawi yayitali yogwira ntchito ya Jason. Tabitha amabwera kunyumba kudzadya chakudya chamadzulo, ndipo Jason akafika, patadutsa maola angapo, Tabitha wokhumudwitsidwa amamumenya ndikumuneneza komwe adakhala. Jason adakulitsa mkanganowo ndi mkwiyo wake womwe chifukwa chomugwira pakatopa. Aliyense wa iwo, atakhumudwa komanso kukhumudwa, adasiya kuyesa kuthetsa mavutowo. Okondedwa awo adakhala chete. Amawoneka bwino, adanena kuti ali bwino, chifukwa zinali zopanda pake kunena china chilichonse.
Jason amanyadira kwambiri kuti avomereze kuti wakhumudwa ndimomwe samamuwonera, motero amayang'ana kwambiri ntchito yake ndikunyalanyaza kusungulumwa kwake. Zoyesayesa za Tabitha zakufikira pachabe zawonongeka, motero amadzipatula ndikumanga moyo wake wosiyana. John Gottman m'buku lake, Mfundo Zisanu ndi Ziwiri Zopangira Ukwati Kugwira Ntchito, angawafotokozere banjali kuti silimvana. Chifukwa chofooka chifukwa cholephera kuthetsa mavuto, asiya ndikubwerera m'miyoyo yofananira. Jason ndi Tabitha, pamavuto awo, atha kukhala pamavuto ambiri kuposa ukwati wokhala ndi mikangano yambiri, chifukwa awiriwo omwe amakangana amatha kukhala ndi chidaliro kuti angathe kuthana ndi mavuto. Zomwe zimawathandiza banjali lomwe likulimbana mwina sizingathandize banja lozizira lodana ngati Jason ndi Tabitha. Ndiye zingakhale bwanji?
Nazi njira zinayi zomwe zingapereke njira yaying'ono yolumikizira
1. Choyamba, kumbukirani yemwe mudakwatirana naye
Tabitha angaganize za Jason, osati ngati mlendo koma ngati munthu amene amamukonda. Amatha kumukumbukira Jason yemwe maso ake anali atayatsidwa chidwi komanso chidwi chake. Nchiyani chinakukopani kwa wokondedwa wanu? Kodi kunali kuseka? Kuzama kwa chikhalidwe? Chidaliro chokhazikika? Mukamukumbukira munthu ameneyo, mutha kutentha ndikusunthira mwachilengedwe kwa wokondedwa wanu.
2. Chachiwiri, khalani okoma mtima ndi aulemu kwa mnzanu
Monga muli kwa barista, munthu amene mumamugwirira chitseko. Khalani othandiza. Chikondi nthawi zambiri chimaganiziridwa ngati kuwolowa manja kwa osauka, ngati chinthu choperekedwa mwaulere kwa amene akuvutika. Ganizirani zopatsa chidwi kwa mnzanuyo komanso kumuganizira kwambiri. Mwanjira imeneyi, mumathandiza mnzanu kukumbukira inu.
Onaninso: Kodi Kusamvana Ndi Chiyani?
3. Kenako, yang'anani m'maso
Onaninso wachikondi wanu. Moni kwa munthuyo ndi maso anu kapena ndi moni wochezeka akamalowa m'chipindacho. Tabitha akhoza kukumbukira chikondi chokwaniritsa chamkati mwa iye: zachiwerewere, zachiwerewere, zosilira, mtundu womwe umayenda kuchokera m'maso mwake ngati mtsinje kukakumana ndi chitsime chopanda kanthu chakulakalaka kwake.
4. Pomaliza, ngati chitani ayambanso kuyankhula, kuyembekezera madzi oyipa
Damu lamalingaliro ndi malingaliro omwe sananenedwe atha kutseguka, ndipo ngati atero, mverani ndikumvera madandaulo ndi zopempha za mnzanu. Khalani ndi mzimu womasuka komanso wachilungamo. Ino si nthawi yodzitchinjiriza. Dr. Gottman wanena kuti abambo, makamaka, atha kupindula potenga nawo mbali pazodandaula za akazi awo. Khalani otseguka; osakangana; Landirani gawo lanu pamavuto. Jason adatsitsa madandaulo a Tabitha onena za iye Loweruka. Ngakhale samalankhulanso, amatha kuwona kukhumudwa kwake. Amatha kutsimikizira zovuta zake ndikuvomereza, makamaka kwa iyemwini, kuti atha kuchita bwino kuposa momwe amachitira.
Kuti muchepetse mavuto am'maganizo ndikutsegula zokambirana, mungafunike kuthandizidwa ndi othandizira. Pamene mukuzindikira, bwererani kuubwenzi. Kumbukirani yemwe mudakwatirana naye, yang'anani maso, nenani mawu okoma, khalani pafupi nanu, ndipo mvetserani ndikutenga nawo gawo pazokambirana za mnzanu.