Zamkati
- 1. Funsani mafunso kuti mudziwe — osati kutsimikizira
- 2. Khalani olimba mtima koma osatetezeka
- 3. Sonyezani kuyamikira
- 4. Muzikhala limodzi
Pambuyo tsiku lovuta kuofesi komanso ulendo wopita ku hellish, simungathe kudikira kuti mukafike kunyumba kuti mupumule ndi banja lanu. Koma mukatsegula chitseko ndi kufuula kuti, “Ndabwera!” palibe amene akuwoneka. Nyumbayi ndi tsoka, ana akuthamanga kwambiri, ndipo tebulo la kukhitchini lidayikidwa pansi pa mulu wa homuweki ndi mbale zonyansa. Zikuwoneka ngati mwaphonyanso chakudya chamadzulo.
Mnzanuyo amatsitsa kale ndikudandaula, maso ndi zala zanu zazikulu mutalumikizidwa ndi foni yam'manja, panjira yopita ku bafa. Mumayankha kuti, “Inenso ndakondwera kukuwonani, koma mawu onyodolawo amakumana ndi chitseko chankhoma. Pokwiya, mumataya zinthu zanu, ndikupita ku furiji, ndikudzipangira sangweji, kuyesera kunyalanyaza zoyipa zomwe zakuzungulirani. Mutayesa pang'ono kukambirana pang'ono ndi anawo, mumakwera m'chipinda cham'mwamba ndikudzitsekera m'chipinda chanu ndikumva kukoma m'kamwa mwanu. Pamene mukufika patali pa TV, mumangoganiza zakukhosi, ndikukuyimitsani: "Mnzanga sakundikondanso. Zatheka bwanji izi? ”
Ngati izi zikuwoneka bwino, simuli nokha. Monga othandizira maanja, ndamva nkhani zambirimbiri kuchokera kwa makasitomala anga pazaka zambiri.Nthawi zambiri amandiuza kuti "sakukondananso," koma sizomwe zimachitika. Anthu okwatirana samangokondana mwadzidzidzi. M'malo mwake, amayamba kupatukana pang'onopang'ono pakapita nthawi. Izi zimachitika chifukwa cha mwayi wambiri wolumikizana. Poyamba, kulumikizana kotereku kumatha kukhala kwakanthawi, koma pang'onopang'ono kumakhala chizolowezi, ndipo pamapeto pake kumakhala chizolowezi.
Mtunda ukalowa muubwenzi, abwenzi akhoza kukhala osungulumwa, osiyidwa, osalumikizidwa, komanso owawa. Atapitirizabe kukhala ndi malingaliro olakwikawa, atha kusiya kuyesetsa kulumikizana palimodzi. Koma zonse sizitayika. Icho ndizotheka kuti maanja agwirizanenso. Chofunikira ndichakuti onse awiri azitha kuwongolera momwe zinthu ziliri, kuchitapo kanthu zomwe zimabweretsa kulumikizana kopindulitsa m'malo mochoka pachizindikiro choyamba chadula.
M'machitidwe anga, ndimakonda kulangiza maanja kuti atenge zochita zinayi zenizeni zomwe zingawathandize kulumikizana wina ndi mnzake.
1. Funsani mafunso kuti mudziwe — osati kutsimikizira
Kuwonetsa chidwi chenicheni mwa mnzanu ndi gawo loyamba lofunikira pakalumikizananso. Kufunsa za tsiku la mnzanu-kaya mavuto omwe akukumana nawo kapena zinthu zomwe zikuyenda bwino-zitha kukuthandizani kuti mugwirizanenso. Mabanja omwe akhala limodzi nthawi yayitali nthawi zambiri amasiya kukambirana izi, poganiza kuti akudziwa zonse zomwe ayenera kudziwa. Koma awa ndi malumikizidwe osaphonya. Yesetsani kuti mupange nthawi kuti mupeze mafunso awa (pa khofi m'mawa, kudzera pamalemba kapena maimelo masana, chilichonse chomwe chingakuthandizeni) ndikuwonekeratu kuti mukufunadi kudziwa-sikuti mukungofuna kutsimikizira zomwe mukuganiza kuti mukudziwa kale.
2. Khalani olimba mtima koma osatetezeka
Mukakhala ndi nkhawa zakubwenzi kwanu, kuuza mnzanu zomwe zili zovuta izi kumakhala kovuta. Nanga bwanji ngati zikuyambitsa mkangano, kapena choipitsitsa, kutha kwa chibwenzi? Kodi si bwino kupewa kugwedeza bwato? Mwachidule, ayi. Kubisalira nkhawa zanu ndikulumikizana kwakukulu komwe kumatha kuwononga ubale wanu. Kugawana nkhawa zanu kumafuna kulimba mtima chifukwa zimaika ubale wanu pachiwopsezo, koma ndikofunikira kuti mutsegule ngati mukufuna kulumikizananso ndi mnzanu.
Pofuna kuthandiza makasitomala anga kuchita izi, ndikupangira njira yotchedwa Soften Startup, yokonzedwa ndi Dr. John Gottman, woyambitsa Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Pewani Kuyambitsa ndi njira yotsegulira zokambirana zovuta zomwe zimapewa kunyoza kapena kuimba mlandu mnzanu. Ikuyamba ndi mawu owonekera, china mwa mawu akuti "Ndakhala ndikuda nkhawa posachedwa, kapena" Ndakhala wosungulumwa ndipo ndakusowa posachedwa, "kapena" Ndikumva kupwetekedwa pompano. " Kenako, mufotokozereni zomwe zachitikazo, ndikuyang'ana zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva - koma OSATI munjira yomwe imadzudzula mnzanu. Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene ndamufotokoza koyambirira uja anganene kuti, “Nditafika kunyumba, ndinali nditatopa kwambiri komanso ndinali wopanikizika chifukwa cha ntchito. Ndikawona ana akuthamangathamanga komanso momwe nyumbayo yawonongera, zimangowonjezera zinthu. ” Gawo lomaliza ndikulankhula zomwe mukufuna kapena zomwe mukufuna: "Chimene ndimayembekezera kwambiri chinali madzulo nanu." Lingaliro pano sikuti mulembe zochita zomwe mukufuna kuchokera kwa mnzanu (agoneni ana, kutsuka mbale, ndi zina). Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mnzanu adziwe zomwe mukufuna - kulumikizana kofunikira komwe kumaphonya pafupipafupi kuposa momwe mungaganizire.
3. Sonyezani kuyamikira
Tikalandira kuyamikirika kuchokera kwa okondedwa wathu pafupipafupi, timakhala owolowa manja poperekanso. Kumbali inayi, tikamawona kuti sitiyamikiridwa, timakonda kukhala owuma mtima posonyeza kuyamikira kwathu.
Ngati chibwenzi chanu chafika pakuthokoza, yesani izi: Tsekani maso anu ndikuganiza sabata yatha ndi mnzanu. Gwiritsitsani nthawi zonse zomwe wokondedwa wanu adakupezerani, adakuchitirani zabwino, kapena adalankhula zomwe zimakupangitsani kumwetulira. Tsopano dzifunseni ngati mwawonetsa kuyamikira kwanu ndi mnzanu munthawi izi. Ngati sichoncho, awa ndi maulumikizidwe omwe mungasinthe mosavuta mukamayesetsa kuzindikira.
Ndimakonda kugawana chitsanzo kuchokera kubanja langa. Mwamuna wanga amapita kuntchito m'mawa kwambiri m'mawa uliwonse. Akapanga khofi wake, nthawi zonse amandikwanira kotero pamakhala chikho chotentha chomwe chimandidikirira ndikadzuka. Ndi kachitidwe kakang'ono, koma kameta mphindi zochepa pamtengo wanga wam'mawa ndikupangitsa tsiku langa kukhala lopenga pang'ono; koposa zonse, zimandiwonetsa kuti amandiganizira ndipo amandiyamikira. Chifukwa chake m'mawa uliwonse ndimayamika ndikumutumizira meseji yomuthokoza chifukwa cha khofi.
4. Muzikhala limodzi
Zitha kuwoneka ngati mumakhala nthawi yayitali ndi wokondedwa wanu chifukwa choti mumamuwona tsiku lililonse. Koma nthawi yochuluka bwanji yomwe mumathera polumikizana bwino ndi mnzanu? Mabanja ambiri amavutika kuti apeze nthawi yocheza wina ndi mzake chifukwa nthawi zonse amalola zopereka zina kukhala patsogolo. M'machitidwe anga, ndimakonda kufunsa maanja kuti azisunga nthawi yomwe amakhala akulumikizana sabata iliyonse. Nthawi zambiri timayamba ndi masekondi, kenako timagwira ntchito mpaka mphindi, ndipo pamapeto pake timafika maola. Tikafika maola, kuchuluka kwa magawo athu operekera upangiri kumayamba kutsika. Dr. Gottman amalimbikitsa kuti anzawo azikhala limodzi "5 Magical Hours" nthawi pamodzi sabata iliyonse. Izi zitha kumveka ngati zambiri poyamba, koma ndi njira yabwino yolumikizirana ndi mnzanu.