Zamkati
- Ubale umakhudzidwa ndikukula kwa anzawo
- Awiriwa anali ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zofotokozera momwe akumvera
- Ndiye njira yolondola ndi iti?
- Kumanga kuzindikira za machitidwe a wokondedwa wawo
- Zilonda zaubwana zomwe zimakhudza ubale wanu
Ndikudziwana ndi makasitomala atsopano, ndimakhala ndi banja m'masiku atatu oyamba. Ndimachita izi mosalephera chifukwa mbiri ya banja ndi imodzi mwanjira zolongosoka kwambiri kuti mumvetsetse momwe ubale umakhalira.
Tonsefe timasindikizidwa ndi njira zomwe mabanja athu amachita ndi dziko lapansi. Banja lirilonse liri ndi chikhalidwe chosiyana chomwe kulibe kwina kulikonse. Chifukwa cha izi, malamulo apabanja osanenedwa nthawi zambiri amasokoneza magwiridwe antchito a banjali.
Chidwi chokhala mu "homeostasis" - mawu omwe timagwiritsa ntchito kuti zinthu zisasinthe, ndichamphamvu kwambiri ngakhale titalumbira pansi kuti sitidzabwerezanso zolakwitsa za makolo athu tiyenera kuzichita.
Chikhumbo chathu chosunga zinthu mofananamo chikuwonekera posankha abwenzi, m'njira zosamvana, momwe timasamalirira nkhawa, komanso malingaliro athu pabanja.
Mutha kunena kuti "sindidzakhala mayi anga" koma ena onse akuwona kuti ndinu ofanana ndi amayi anu.
Ubale umakhudzidwa ndikukula kwa anzawo
Funso lofunika kwambiri lomwe ndimafunsa maanja ndi loti: "Kodi ubale wanu umakhudzidwa bwanji ndi momwe makolo anu adalerera?" Ndikafunsa funso ili zimawonekeratu kuti nkhani zoyankhulirana sizili chifukwa cha zolakwika zilizonse zomwe zili mkati mwa wokondedwa wawo, koma zimachokera ku zovuta zamabanja zosiyana ndikuyembekezera kuti nawonso akhale chimodzimodzi mbanja lawo.
Nthawi zina, nkhanizi zimachitika chifukwa choleredwa mopweteka kapena mosasamala. Mwachitsanzo, mnzake yemwe anali ndi kholo chidakwa sangakhale wotsimikiza momwe angakhalire malire oyenera ndi mnzake. Muthanso kuwona zovuta kufotokozera zakukhosi, zovuta kuti mupeze chilimbikitso pakugonana, kapena kukwiya kwambiri. '
Nthawi zina, mikangano yathu imatha kuyambika chifukwa cha maleredwe osangalatsa.
Ndinakumana ndi banja, Sarah ndi Andrew *, omwe anali ndi vuto limodzi - Kudandaula kwa Sarah ndikuti amafuna zochuluka kuchokera kwa mwamunayo mwamalingaliro. Adawona kuti akamakangana ndipo adakhala chete zimatanthauza kuti sasamala. Amakhulupirira kuti kukhala chete kwake komanso kupewa kwake kunali kopanda tanthauzo, kosaganizira, kopanda chilakolako.
Adamva kuti akamakangana adagunda pansi pa lamba ndipo sizinali zachilungamo. Amakhulupirira kuti kumenya nkhondoyo sikunangobweretsa mikangano yambiri. Amakhulupirira kuti ayenera kusankha nkhondo zake.
Nditasanthula malingaliro awo pamkangano, ndidapeza kuti palibe m'modzi mwa iwo anali kuchita chilichonse "pansi pa lamba" kapena "wopanda chilungamo". Zomwe anali kuchita akuyembekeza kuti wokondedwa wawo athetse kusamvana momwe amamvera mwachilengedwe kwa aliyense wa iwo.
Ndidafunsa Andrew kuti andiuze momwe amakhulupirira kuti banja lake limakhala mogwirizana. Andrew adayankha kuti sakukhulupirira.
Amakhulupirira kuti sanakhudze kwambiri komanso kuti iye ndi Sarah sanali ofanana ndi makolo ake.
Nditafunsa momwe Andrew adakhulupirira kuti kulera ndi moyo wabanja wa Sarah umakhala muubwenzi wawo adayankha mwachangu ndikuwunika mozama.
Ndapeza kuti izi ndizowona nthawi zambiri, timakhala ndi chidziwitso chokwanira cha chifukwa chomwe anzathu amakhalira ndikuzindikira chifukwa chake timachita zomwe timachita.
Andrew adayankha kuti Sarah anakulira m'banja laphokoso ku Italy ndi azichemwali anayi. Alongo ndi amayi anali "okhudzidwa kwambiri". Adati "Ndimakukondani", adaseka limodzi, amalira limodzi, ndipo akamenyana zikhadazo zidatuluka.
Koma, mphindi 20 pambuyo pake amakhala akuwonera TV pakama limodzi, kuseka, kumwetulira, ndi kukumbatirana. Adafotokoza abambo a Sarah kuti anali chete koma amapezeka. Atsikanawo akakhala ndi "kusungunuka" bambo amawalankhula modekha ndikuwatsimikizira. Kuwunika kwake ndikuti Sarah sanaphunzire kuugwira mtima ndipo chifukwa cha izi adaphunzira kumukalipira.
Monga Andrew, Sarah anali wokhoza kufotokoza bwino momwe banja la Andrew limakhudzira ubale wawo. “Samalankhulana. Ndizomvetsa chisoni ”, adatero. "Amapewa zovuta ndipo ndizodziwikiratu koma aliyense amachita mantha kuyankhula. Zimandikwiyitsa ndikawona momwe amanyalanyaza mavuto m'banja. Pamene Andrew anali kuvutikadi zaka zingapo zapitazo palibe amene akanabweretsa. Zikuwoneka kwa ine ngati kulibe chikondi kumeneko ".
Kuwunika kwake ndikuti Andrew sanaphunzire kukonda. Kuti njira zopanda phokoso za banja lake zidapangidwa chifukwa chonyalanyazidwa.
Awiriwa anali ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zofotokozera momwe akumvera
Mutha kuzindikira kuti kuwunika kwawo kwamabanja kunali kovuta.
Poganizira momwe mabanja a okondedwa awo asinthira maubwenzi awo, onse adaganiza kuti banja la munthu winayo ndiye linali vuto lopangitsa kuyandikana komwe onse amafuna.
Komabe, zomwe ndinasanthula zinali zakuti mabanja awo onse ankakondana kwambiri.
Iwo amangokondana mosiyana.
Banja la Sarah lidaphunzitsa Sarah kuti malingaliro sayenera kugwiridwa. Banja lake limakhulupirira kugawana zabwino komanso zoyipa. Ngakhale mkwiyo unali mwayi wolumikizana m'banja lake. Palibe choyipa chilichonse chomwe chimabwera pakulirana wina ndi mnzake, nthawi zina zimamveka bwino atafuula bwino.
M'banja la Andrew, chikondi chidawonetsedwa pakupanga bata ndi bata. Ulemu udawonetsedwa polola chinsinsi. Mwa kulola ana kuti abwere kwa makolo ngati akufuna china chake kapena akufuna kugawana koma osapembedzera. Chitetezo chidaperekedwa posalowa nawo mkangano.
Ndiye njira yolondola ndi iti?
Ili ndi funso lovuta kuyankha. Mabanja a Andrew ndi Sarah onse adachita bwino. Adalera ana athanzi, achimwemwe, komanso osasintha. Komabe, sitayelo iliyonse siyabwino m'banja lawo lomwe langopangidwa kumene.
Kumanga kuzindikira za machitidwe a wokondedwa wawo
Ayenera kukulitsa kuzindikira za machitidwe omwe adalandira kuchokera kumabanja awo ndikusankha mwanzeru zomwe zatsalira ndi zomwe zimachitika. Afunika kukulitsa kumvetsetsa za wokondedwa wawo ndikukhala okonzeka kusiya malingaliro awo pabanja.
Zilonda zaubwana zomwe zimakhudza ubale wanu
Zotsatira zina zakuleredwa m'banja ndikuyembekeza kuti wokondedwa wanu akupatseni zomwe munalibe. Tonsefe tiri ndi mabala opirira kuyambira ubwana ndipo timathera mphamvu zopanda malire poyesa kuwachiritsa.
Nthawi zambiri sitidziwa zoyesayesazi, koma zilipo. Tikakhala ndi bala losatha loti anthu asatimvetse, timafunafuna chitsimikiziro.
Pamene tinavulazidwa ndi makolo omwe anali otukwana, timayesetsa kukhala odekha. Pamene mabanja athu anali okweza timafuna chete. Tikasiyidwa, timafuna chitetezo. Kenako timagwira anzathu pamlingo wosafikirika wotichitira izi. Timatsutsa pomwe sangathe. Timadzimva osakondedwa ndi okhumudwitsidwa.
Chiyembekezo choti mudzapeza wokondedwa wanu yemwe angachiritse zakale ndi chiyembekezo chofala ndipo chifukwa cha ichi, ndichokhumudwitsa wamba.
Kudzichiritsa mabala awa ndiye njira yokhayo yopita patsogolo.
Cholinga cha mnzanu mu izi ndikuti mugwire dzanja lanu pamene mukuchita. Kunena “Ndikuwona zomwe zakupwetekani ndipo ndili pano. Ndikufuna kumvetsera. Ndikufuna kukuthandizani ”.
* Nkhani imafotokozedwa ngati yongopeka ndipo siyotengera banja lomwe ndaliwona.