Kodi mukufuna kuti zonse zizikhala bwino komanso mwamtendere muubwenzi wanu musananene kuti, "Ndikufuna?" Bwanji ndikadakuwuzani kuti mikangano yambiri muubwenzi imachitika mobwerezabwereza?
Lingaliro lakukangana mobwerezabwereza kwa moyo wanu wonse ndi lovuta. Chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kudziwa zomwe mukulembera. Ngakhale simungathe kuthana ndi vuto — musakonze tsitsi lanu panobe — mumatha kudziwa momwe mungalithetsere mosavutikira!
Chowonadi ndichakuti pamakhala mavuto mbanja lililonse chifukwa chosiyana umunthu komanso moyo wawo. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa Dr. John Gottman, 69% yamavuto abwenzi nthawi zonse. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ndizosatheka kuganiza kuti muyenera kuthana ndi mavuto onse musanalowe m'banja.
Tiyeni tiike mawu oti "kuthetsa" tonse pamodzi, ndipo tigwiritse ntchito "kusamalira" m'malo mokambirana za mavuto omwe amayambiranso. Kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino, muyenera kusiya zipsinjo zomwe zimayambitsa ndemanga zopweteka, kuipidwa komanso kusiya kulumikizana bwino.
Dr. John Gottman adapeza kuti kusiya malingaliro ndikukwiya kumatha kubweretsa kusudzulana kwakutali, pafupifupi zaka 16.2 atakwatirana, koma machitidwe anayi, omwe amawatcha "okwera pamahatchi anayi a chiwonongeko," atha kubweretsa chisudzulo choyambirira - Zaka 5.6 pambuyo paukwati. Izi sizomwe zimakhala zosangalatsa nthawi yomwe mumaganizira!
Makhalidwe omwe angayambitse chisudzulo omwe adatchulidwa ndi Dr. John Gottman ndi awa:
Kudzudzula: Kudzudzula kapena kuwononga umunthu wa mnzako kapena khalidwe lake (monga. "Simusamba mbale, ndinu aulesi kwambiri!")
Kunyoza: Kulankhula ndi mnzanu kuchokera pamalo apamwamba pochepetsa kapena kutsitsa, zomwe zimaphatikizaponso zoyipa zamthupi, monga kupukusa maso, ndi mawu achipongwe (monga. "Sindingachite izi, ndiwe wopusa kwambiri!")
Kudziteteza: Kudziteteza kudzera pakusewera wovutikayo kapena kudzilungamitsa podzitchinjiriza (monga. "Sindikadakuwa ngati simukadakankhira mabatani anga poyamba")
Kupanga miyala: Kutseka kapena kusiya kutengeka ndi zokambirana (ex. Mkazi akadzudzula mwamuna wake, amathawira kuphanga kwa mwamuna wake m'malo moyankha kapena kumuyankha yankho lomwe akufuna)
Kukumana ndi mkwiyo wa mnzanu ndi nkhanza kumawononga kukhulupirirana komanso kuthekera kwake kukhala pachiwopsezo muubwenzi, zomwe zimapangitsa kuchepa kwaubwenzi komanso kulumikizana. Atangokwatirana kumene, ndikofunikira kuphunzira kuthana ndi mikangano ndi njira yabwino.
Mungapewe okwera pamahatchi anayiwa podziwa momwe mungayambitsire kukambirana. Nthawi zambiri, mumachita zikhalidwe zosasangalatsa izi chifukwa chakumverera kwanu kumayambitsidwa. China chake chomwe mnzanu adachita (kapena sanachite) chakukhumudwitsani. Mumakonda kukwiya pamene china chake chili chofunikira kwa inu, ndipo mwina sichimamveka, chosavomerezeka, kapena chimaonedwa ngati chosafunikira ndi mnzanu.
Mukamalumikizana mwa kuchita nawo m'modzi mwa okwera pamahatchi anayi, mnzanuyo amachita izi, osati vuto lalikulu lomwe ndilofunika kwa inu. Wokondedwa wanu akangomva kuti waukiridwa, kunenedwa, kapena kunyozedwa, amayambiranso, kutseka, kapena kuteteza, m'malo momvera zomwe zakukhumudwitsani poyamba.
Zalangizidwa - Asanakwatirane
Nthawi ina mukapsa mtima, kumbukirani kuyankha kwanu kwankhanza, ndipo yesani kuyambitsa kukambirana modekha, ndikuwongolera pogwiritsa ntchito njira zitatu izi:
NDIKUMVA ... (tchulani kutengeka)
ZA ... (fotokozani zomwe zikuchititsa kuti mumve, m'malo mofotokozera zolakwika za mnzanu)
NDIKUFUNA ... (fotokozani momwe wokondedwa wanu angakuthandizireni kumva bwino pankhaniyi)
Mwachitsanzo, amuna anga ndi amisala kuposa ine, koma m'malo mongoganiza kuti akuchita izi kuti andikakamize mabatani, ndikuvomereza kuti ndikusiyana ndi moyo. Nyumba yosokonekera imandipangitsa kukhala wotopa kwambiri komanso imandilepheretsa kupumula, pomwe amatha kukhala pachisokonezo — ndimangokonda zokha!
Nditha kumukalipira, kumufuna, ndikumunena, koma ndazindikira kuti sizikutifikitsa kulikonse. M'malo mwake, ndimanena monga, "Ndikumva kukhumudwa ndi mbale zotsalira patebulo la khofi. Ndikufuna kuti muwaike m'malo ochapira mbale kuti ndikhale womasuka. " Ndimaonanso kuti ndizothandiza kufotokoza nthawi yomwe ndimayembekezera kuti izi zichitike. Palibe amene amawerenga malingaliro, chifukwa chake muyenera kuyika zomwe mukuyembekezera kunja, kukambirana, ndi kuvomereza.
Tsopano ndi nthawi yanu! Kumbutsani mavuto anu osatha. Pogwiritsa ntchito njira zitatuzi, lingalirani kuthana ndi mavutowa m'njira yatsopano, yofewa. Ntchito yanu ndikupereka izi kuti mnzanu amve, amvetsetse ndikumvera chisoni ndikumva kwanu.
Mukaganizira momwe mukumvera pamutu womwe mwayandikirawo ndikuzindikira momwe mnzanuyo angathandizire, atha kuchita nanu popanda kudzitchinjiriza, kudzudzula, kapena kusiya. Apa ndipamene kukambirana kopindulitsa kumachitika. Kuti mukhale ndi banja labwino, muyenera kuphunzira nthawi yoyenera kukambirana. Kusunga nthawi ndichinthu chilichonse!
Ngati ndikafika kwa amuna anga za mbale zonyansa akangofika kunyumba kuchokera kuntchito ndipo ali ndi nkhawa, ali ndi njala, komanso atatopa, ndimayankhidwa mosiyana ndi momwe amafunikira thupi ndipo tikusangalala.
Nthawi zambiri, maanja amabweretsa mavuto pamene ali okwiya kale komanso okhumudwitsidwa. Lamulo langa ndiloti ngati simungathe kuyankhula ndi mnzanu ndi mawu odekha chifukwa mumakuwa kapena kulira, ndiye kuti simuli okonzeka kukambirana. Ndibwino kuti mupeze nthawi yopuma komanso kuti mudzitolere nokha, koma muyenera kulumikizana momasuka ndi wokondedwa wanu kuti izi ndizofunikira kwa inu ndipo mukuganiza zobweranso kudzakambirana. Chomaliza chomwe mukufuna ndikuti mnzanu aganize kuti mukuwombera - izi zimabweretsa kubwerera kuzikhalidwe zinayi za okwera pamahatchi!
Cholinga chanu pamavuto osathawa ndikusiya njira zolankhulirana zopweteketsa, komanso kukulitsa kulumikizana kwabwino, monga kukhala otseguka kuti mukope, kutsimikizira mnzanu, kumumvera chisoni, komanso kuthandizana.
Pamapeto pake, nonse mumasamala za chisangalalo cha wina ndi mnzake — ndichifukwa chake mukukwatirana, sichoncho? Kumbukirani, muli mgulu lomwelo!