Zamkati
Palibe amene akudziwa motsimikiza kuti ndi okwatirana angati omwe amachita zinthu. Ziwerengero zimasiyana mosiyanasiyana, kuyambira 10% mpaka 50%, ndipo zimakhazikitsidwa podzilankhulira, zomwe sizodziwika bwino. Zachidziwikire, kuti kubera kumachitika nthawi zonse. Kutengera umboni wamabuku, komanso kuchuluka kwa maanja muofesi yanga omwe akuvutika ndi chigololo, ndikulingalira kuti maperesentiwo ali pafupi kwambiri - kapena pafupifupi theka la anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi.
Ngati kubera (komwe kumatha kutengera kukhutitsidwa ndi wina, kukhala ndi chilakolako chakuthupi, kukopana kwambiri ndi munthu wina pa intaneti) kumachitika izi nthawi zambiri, titha kuganiza kuti maubwenzi amasokonekera ndikusweka pafupipafupi. Ndipo maubale omwe awonongeka akaperekedwa, kudziwa momwe adafikirako kumakhala kofunikira kuposa kusankha momwe angachiritsire.
Cholinga changa monga wothandizira, chasintha, kuchokera ku:
"Nchiyani chapangitsa kuti izi zichitike?"
kuti
“Kodi banjali lipita kuti?”
Izi zikugogomezera kwambiri za tsogolo la banjali kuposa zakale, ndipo palokha, awa ndi malo opatsa chiyembekezo. Timayang'ana m'mbuyomu - kuwunika ubwana wa wokondedwa wathu ndi zomwe zidamupangitsa kuti akhale pachibwenzi - koma kenako timangovomereza kuti chibwenzi chilichonse chimakhala ndi mikhalidwe imeneyi, ndikuganiza kuti pali china chomangapo.
Zinthu zikuphwanya onse awiri
Mukaperekedwa, mungamve kuti zonse zomwe mumaganiza kuti ndi zoona komanso zodalirika zawonongeka, ndikupangitsani kukayikira ubalewu komanso maubale onse. Kutengeka kwa ping-pong kuchokera kukwiya mpaka kukhumudwa kukhala bata ndi kubwerera. Zingakhale zovuta kulingalira kuti mukhulupiliranso mnzanu. Pamene ndiwe wachigololo, umafuna kuti mnzako adziwe chifukwa chake umayenera kuyang'ana kunja kwa chibwenzi kuti uziwona kuti ukufunidwa ndi kuwonedwa. Zomverera zanu zimatha kuyamba ndi kupumula posafunikiranso kubisa, kenako ndikusunthira chiyembekezo, mantha kuti mnzanuyo adzakulangani kwamuyaya. Nonse a inu mudzalimbana kukhulupirirana.
Chikhulupiriro sichimangidwanso mwadzidzidzi. Ndi msewu wautali, nthawi zina wotsekedwa kwakanthawi, nthawi zina kumafuna njira yolowera kumene mwina simunaganizire. Kuti muyambe kuyenda pambuyo pa chigololo, yambani ndi zinthu zitatu zofunika.
1. Lekani kuimba mlandu
Tiyeni tithetse chidutswa chovuta kwambiri poyamba. Mkangano uliwonse, mwachilengedwe mumamva kudzitchinjiriza ndikuloza zala. Ndipo nthawi zina, zochitika zimachitika chifukwa cha mnzake m'modzi (nthawi zambiri wamankhwala osokoneza bongo). Nthawi zambiri, komabe, amakhala chizindikiro cha mgwirizano womwe wagwa mbali zonse ziwiri.
M'malo moyang'ana panja ndikuyika udindo wonse kwa mnzanu, yang'anani mkati. Povomera kutengapo gawo m'mbiri yaubwenzi, mumakhala ndi mwayi wofufuza zovuta zanu. Mwinamwake mudzawona kachitidwe kachitidwe kamene kamakhala pamayanjano angapo; mwina mudzaona kuti zina mwa zomwe mumachita ndizofanana ndi zomwe makolo anu anachita. Kuunikiradi zomwe mwathandizira pamavutowo kumakupatsani mpata wokonza osati kokha ndi zofunika zanu zina, koma mkati, kuti mukhale ndi thanzi labwino. Izi zithandizira ubale wanu wapano, kapena tsogolo lililonse.
Tsoka limabweretsa mwayi wapadera. Zinthu zikafika poipa kwambiri, palibe chomwe chatsala, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ndi mwayi wokhala owona mtima kwathunthu. Chilichonse chomwe mudafuna kunena koma chomwe mwasunga mkati tsopano chitha kufuulidwa ndikuwunikidwa ndikuwunika. Zitha kukhala zowawa, komabe zimatanthauzanso kuti kusintha kwenikweni ndikuchira kumatha kuchitika-nthawi zina koyamba.
2. Muzikhulupirira ena
Mutatha kuwunika ubalewo komanso chidutswa chanu momwemo, mutha kupitiliza kubwezeretsa kuyandikira komwe mumamva mukamakondana. Ngakhale iyi ndiyotenga nthawi yayitali ndipo mwina yoyambitsidwa bwino ndi akatswiri othandizira maukwati, itha kufotokozedwa mwachidule pano monga mbali ziwiri, zomwe ndimazitcha tsopano Kudzipereka komanso Kudzipereka Kwakutsogolo.
Zomwe akudzipereka tsopano ndizomwe zimachitika pambuyo poti chibwenzicho chatha, nthawi zambiri chimalamulidwa ndi wokondedwayo, kuphatikiza (koma osangolekezera) kuwonekera poyera momwe ndalama ndi ndalama zimagwiritsidwira ntchito, nthawi yochulukirapo limodzi, kulumikizana mosagwirizana, zochita za kukoma mtima, zambiri kapena zochuluka zogonana, kupeza mafoni ndi imelo, ndi zina zotero. Uwu ndi mwayi kwa munthu amene akuona kuti wapusitsidwa kuti ayikenso zomwe akufuna kuti akhalenso otetezeka. Makhalidwe amenewa ndi otseguka pakukambirana, koma amafotokoza zomwe wokondedwa wake amadandaula nazo kwambiri: kumva mumdima komanso pachiwopsezo.
Mnzake yemwe wasocherayo adzakhala ndi mndandanda wazinthu zatsopano, zomwe zikuwunika zomwe zadzetsa chibwenzi. Munthuyu adzafunika kutsimikiziridwa kuti kuzizira kapena kusowa kalikonse komwe adamva asanakumanepo. Ayeneranso kukhala ndi chiyembekezo, kuchokera kwa iwo komanso anzawo, kuti kukhululuka ndikotheka.
Kudzipereka Kwaposachedwa ndi komwe mumalimbikitsana wina ndi mnzake kuti mudzapewa kuchita zomwe mukudziwa, ndikuphunzira zida zatsopano kuthana ndi malingaliro okhumudwitsa akale, kunyong'onyeka, kapena kusatetezeka. Kuwala kukawala pamitundu yowononga ya maanja ndipo amawawona modabwitsa, ndizowopsa. Mantha atha kuchitika kuti mphamvuzi, zomwe zidatenga nthawi kuti zipangidwe ndipo zakhala zosasunthika kwazaka zambiri, sizingatheke kuchiza kapena kupewa. Wembala aliyense ayenera kudziwa kuti, ngakhale zaka zambiri panjira, winayo azikhala tcheru kuti asabwerere kuzitetezo zakale.
Pakulangiza maanja, maanja amatsimikizirana wina ndi mnzake mobwerezabwereza kuti apitiliza kupezeka wina ndi mnzake, ndikuti zolinga zawo ndizachikondi. Kuwukiranso kumeneku ndi kwamphamvu, ndipo kumayambitsanso kukhulupirirana.
3. Ziyembekezero zochepa
Lingaliro la wokwatirana mwangwiro, kaya ndi Prince Charming kapena Manic Pixie Dream Girl (mawu opangidwa ndi Nathan Rabin atawona Kirsten Dunst mu kanema Elizabethtown), amatipweteketsa kuposa zabwino. Sitingathe kukhala chilichonse kwa wina ndi mnzake, ndipo sitiyenera kumvetsetsana nthawi zonse. Abwenzi ndi anzanu, osati angelo achinsinsi. Tilipo kuti tithandizire ndikuyenda pambali, kulingalira mwachifundo ndikuyesana molimbika wina ndi mnzake.
Ngati, m'malo mofunafuna munthu woti tidzakwatirane naye, timalakalaka mnzathu wokhazikika, wotseguka yemwe amagawana zomwe amakonda ndikutipeza tili okongola, titha kukhala ndi mzere wolunjika wokhutira.
Alain de Botton, m'nkhani yake ya New York Times Chifukwa Chake Mudzakwatirana Ndi Munthu Wolakwika, akunena kuti kusungunuka koyenera komanso kusowa chiyembekezo ndikofunikira m'banja. Amawerengera mgwirizano motere:
"Munthu amene ali woyenera kwambiri kwa ife si amene amagawana zomwe ife timakonda (iye kulibe), koma munthu amene angathe kukambirana mosiyanasiyana malinga ndi kukoma kwake ... Kugwirizana ndiko kukwaniritsa chikondi; sikuyenera kukhala pachimake. ”
Palibe imodzi mwanjira izi yosavuta; palibe chitsimikizo chokwaniritsa chibwenzicho. Koma pali chiyembekezo, ndipo pali kuthekera kokhala ndi ubale wathanzi ndi wokhutira mutachita chibwenzi. Poyang'ana pa vuto lanulanu, kumanga kulumikizana ndikutembenukira kwa mnzanu, ndipo pomaliza kukhala ndi malingaliro amtsogolo, kupusitsidwa kowopsa kumatha kuchiritsidwa.