Zamkati
- Kodi kudalira ndi chiyani?
- Ndiye tonsefe tiyenera kufunsa chiyani
- Kodi kusakhulupirirana kumakula bwanji?
- Zotsatira zakusakhulupirirana
- Chofunika ndikulimbikitsa chidaliro
Maanja nthawi zonse amayamba ndi chiyembekezo. Amakhulupirirana kwathunthu ndipo nthawi zambiri kudalirana kumeneku kumayamba kuchepa pakadutsa miyezi ndi zaka ndikupanga dzenje lachikondi.
M'dzenje lachikondi, amapezeka kuti akuyang'ana kudzipatula komanso kusungulumwa. Ngakhale kusakhulupirirana sikusiyana kwathunthu ndi kudalirana koma kusakhulupirirana kumakhazikitsa maziko osakhulupirirana. Mukadzipeza kuti simukukhulupirira komanso kukhala osungulumwa, mumakhala pachiwopsezo chachikulu, ndipo izi zimapangidwira kuperekedwa.
Kodi kudalira ndi chiyani?
M'buku latsopano la John Gottman, The Science Of Trust, amayesa kusintha malingaliro athu pankhani yakukhulupirirana komanso momwe timaonera. Ambiri aife timayang'ana kudalira ngati lingaliro kapena chikhulupiriro, koma Gottman amapereka chidaliro tanthauzo latsopano ndikuwamasuliranso ngati kanthu; osati zochita zomwe mwachita koma zomwe mnzanuyo wachita.
Gottman amakhulupirira kuti timakhulupirira malinga ndi zomwe mnzathu amachita.
Kudalirana kumakula chifukwa cha momwe mumachitira ndi wokondedwa wanu mulimonse momwe zosowa zanu zingasemphanirane ndi anzanu.
Ngakhale atakhala akulu kapena ang'ono chotani, mudzachita zofuna zanu kapena zofuna zanu zazikulu. Kudalira kumachitika chifukwa cha chisankho chomwe mumapanga kuti musamalire anzanu ena, omwe nawonso mwa inu nokha.
Mwachitsanzo, mumabwerera kunyumba mutagwira ntchito nthawi yayitali komanso yovuta ndipo mukufuna kulumikizana. Komabe, mnzanuyo anali ndi tsiku lofanana; mumauza mnzanu zakusowa tsiku lovuta.
Kungonena izi, mumapereka mwayi woti mnzanuyo amvetsere. Kukhulupirirana kumakula mnzanu atasankha kuti asatsutse zomwe mwapatsidwa koma avomereze zosowa zawo.
Mutha kuwamva akunena kuti, "Inenso ndidatero koma ndiuzeni zomwe mwachita m'masiku anu." Izi zikachitika mobwerezabwereza, aliyense wa inu kupatsa mnzakeyo ndalama zake, kudalirana kumayamba kukula.
Ndiye tonsefe tiyenera kufunsa chiyani
Mu Science of Trust, Gottman amafotokoza za funso lofunika lomwe tonsefe timafunsa kuti "Kodi mulipo chifukwa cha ine?"
Funso losavuta ili mumitundu yonse yamaubwenzi; mungamve funso ili galu wanu akasanza pansi, mukakumana ndi ngozi yagalimoto kapena mwana wanu akadwala. Funso ili limafotokoza ndikufotokozera kudalira, mosazindikira komanso mosazindikira.
Wolemba uyu amagwiritsa ntchito kanema "Sliding Doors" kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa gawo lomwe mumasewera muubwenzi wanu. Kanemayo amathandizira pakuwunika kusintha kwa moyo wa munthu wamkulu pamphindi yaying'ono. Ndipo mu kanema monsemo, mumamuwona akuchita zochitika ziwiri zosiyana kutengera mphindi imodzi yokha.
Mumapezanso nthawi zitseko zosoweka m'moyo wanu ndipo chidaliro chimayamba kuwonongeka, ndipo kusungulumwa komanso kudzipatula kumachitika. Mumayamba kumva ngati kuti wokondedwa wanu kulibe nanu.
Kodi kusakhulupirirana kumakula bwanji?
Kusakhulupirirana kumatha kukhalapo limodzi ndi kudalira ndipo kafukufuku wa Gottman akuwonetsa kuti-
Kusakhulupirika sikutsutsana ndi kudalira ndipo m'malo mwake ndi mdani wake.
Kusakhulupirirana ndichinthu china m'malo mokhulupirira. Mukachita zinthu modzikonda kupweteketsa mnzanu, zimabweretsa kusakhulupirirana.
Zotsatira zakusakhulupirirana
Ndikusakhulupirirana, simumangonena kuti wokondedwa wanu sakufuna, koma mumangowonjezeranso "wandikhumudwitsa." Kusakhulupirirana kumabweretsa mikangano yambiri.
Mabanja amapezeka kuti akukangana ndipo mikangano imeneyi imangokulirakulira ndikupangitsa kuti musachoke.
Mikanganoyi ikamakulirakulira, mumayamba kukhala kutali ndi anzanu, chifukwa chake kudzipatula kumapitilira komanso kusakhulupirirana.
Pakapita nthawi, zibwenzi zimagwidwa munjira yoyipa kwambiri ndikuyamba kuwona zinthu mosiyana. Amayamba kulembanso ubale wawo komanso zakale kukhala nkhani yoyipa; amaonerana wina ndi mnzake, ndipo zikafika pachimake, chisudzulo chimachitika.
Chofunika ndikulimbikitsa chidaliro
Pofuna kuthana ndi kukhulupirirana uku, Gottman adazindikira kuti kulumikizana ndikofunikira kwambiri. Amatanthauzira kuti ndikumvana ngati kudziwa malo ofewa a mnzanu, kumverana chisoni ndikutembenukirana nthawi yakusowa chikondi.
Nthawi zina mukalakwitsa ndikupweteketsa wina wanu wamkulu, kambiranani za izo, kambiranani za kusagwirizana, kumbukirani kuti nthawi zopweteka zimafuna chisamaliro ndipo zoterezi zimathandizanso kulimbitsa kulumikizana kwanu ndikupereka kumvetsetsa bwino.
Onetsetsani kuti mukumvetsetsa ndikuzindikira ubale wanu ukakhala pamavuto ndikuchita nawo moyenera.