Jo Nicholl ndi Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist yemwe wakhala akugwira ntchito ndi anthu komanso mabanja kwa zaka 25 zapitazi ndikuwathandiza kupanga banja losangalala kapena ubale womwe akufuna.
Nawa ochepa mwa mayankho omwe adafunsidwa ndi Marriage.com, pomwe amamuwunikira 'Chikondi Maps Podcast' mndandanda ndipo imapereka zofunikira pakamomwe mankhwala amathandizira anthu pakuphunzira kusamvana komanso maluso olumikizirana ndi awiriwa kuti akhale ndi moyo wachikondi womwe angafune komanso kuti akhale ndi banja losangalala.
- Marriage.com: Kodi malingaliro am'magulu a Love Maps podcast anali otani?
Jo: Lingaliro kumbuyo kwa Love Maps podcast ndikupereka maluso aubwenzi ndi kuzindikira kwamaganizidwe kwa anthu omwe ali ndi chidwi chokhala ndi moyo wachikondi womwe amalakalaka.
Ndikudziwa mzaka zambiri zogwira ntchito ndi maanja komanso anthu osiyanasiyana kuti anthu samaphunzitsidwa kukhala pachibwenzi, ndipo zomwe timafuna kuchokera pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zosiyana kwambiri ndi zomwe makolo athu amafuna kapena amayembekezera.
Palibe aliyense wa ife amene amaphunzitsidwa zomwe zimatengera kuti akhalebe ndiubwenzi wabwino ndikukhalabe mchikondi. M'gawo lililonse la Mapu Achikondi, ndimayankhula ndi othandizira ena ndi anthu omwe akuyang'ana kwambiri za maubale kuti apatse omvera zidziwitso zamtengo wapatali ndi zida zaulere.
- Marriage.com: Malinga ndi inu, cholinga cha mankhwala SIKUTHANTHULA mavuto KOMA KUWATHA. Mukutsimikizira bwanji izi?
Jo: Kuthetsa mavuto ndi njira yotsegulira, ndi kasitomala, njira zawo zoyipa zoyankhulirana, kufotokoza kwawo za mavutowo, ndi kuti ndi chifukwa chiyani mavutowo adayamba.
- Marriage.com: Pazaka zanu zopitilira zaka 25 ngati Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist, ndi mavuto ati omwe mwakhala mukukumana nawo omwe amabwera chifukwa cha mavuto amisala?
Jo: Kuopa kumva kukhala osatetezeka
Nkhani zodzidalira
Kuopa kukangana
Malire osauka
- Marriage.com: Ndiupangiri wamba womwe munthu kapena banja liyenera kusiya njira zoyipa kuti banja liziyenda bwino, ndipo timawerenganso za njira zochitira izi. Koma kodi munthu angadziwe bwanji kuti dongosolo lotere lilipo?
Jo: Powona momwe maanja amathana ndi kusamvana; ndipo amagwiritsa ntchito njira ziti podziteteza kuti asatengeke, mwachitsanzo, amafuula; kubisa; kunyamuka; Tsekani.
Funsani za momwe amamvera ndi moyo wawo wogonana.
- Marriage.com: Ndi zinthu ziti zofunika kuzikambirana musanalowe m'banja kuti mukhazikitse maziko oyenera aubwenzi wosangalala?
Jo: Zomwe banja limatanthauza ndipo adaphunzira chiyani akukula pazomwe zikutanthauza
Zomwe kukhala ndi ana kumatanthauza
Kufunika kwa mabanja ndikumverera mozungulira banja lawo lochokera
Kufunika kwa kukonza ubale ndi momwe ziwonekere
Momwe iwo amamverera za kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi
Ndi omasuka komanso amalumikizana momasuka zogonana
- Marriage.com: Kodi zomwe munthu adachita m'mbuyomu zimatenga gawo lanji polumikizana ndi wokondedwa wawo?
Jo: Udindo waukulu: "Ndiwonetseni momwe mumakondedwa, ndipo ndikuwonetsani momwe mumakondera."
Chizindikiro cha ubwana wathu chimadalira momwe timachitira ndi kuyankha muubwenzi wapamtima.
Mtundu wophatikizika pakati pa mwana ndi woyang'anira wamkulu umatchulidwanso m'mabanja akuluakulu komanso posankha bwenzi.
Tidzakhala, mosazindikira, kuti tidzayerekeze kubwereza momwe tidakondedwera tili ana tili akuluakulu.
Pamawonedwe awa omvera ndi Psychotherapist a Penny Marr momwe zakale zathu zimakhudzira momwe timakondera komanso momwe tingasinthire zoyipa zakale.
- Kodi ukwati woterewu ungakhale vuto lalikulu kwa mabanja ambiri? Pali zambiri zomwe zikuchitika mwamalingaliro; Kodi maanja angapirire bwanji?
Jo: Inde, kutseka ndikumasula kwa mabanja ena omwe atha kugwiritsa ntchito njira yakusungirana ubale wawo osakumana ndi mantha awo okondana komanso mavuto m'banjamo, mwachitsanzo, pogwira ntchito nthawi yayitali, kuyenda, kucheza.
Maanja atha kuthana ndi dongosolo komanso dongosolo. Madongosolo amadziwika kuti amathandizira kuwongolera dongosolo lamanjenje motero, kumachepetsa nkhawa.
Kupeza njira zopangira malire akuthupi (malo ogwirira ntchito ndi malo 'akunyumba') ndipo, ngati kuli kotheka, nthawi yaubwenzi ngati izi sizikuwopsa.
- Marriage.com: Timauzidwa kuti sitiyenera kuyesa kusintha munthu amene timamukonda komabe okwatirana akuyenera kusintha kwambiri kuti amvetsetse bwino, kulumikizana, nanga bwanji! Kodi sizodabwitsa? Malingaliro anu ndi otani pankhaniyi?
Jo: Ngati tikufuna kuti ubale usinthe, tiyenera kudzifunsa kuti, bwanji, nanga ndingatani?
Kudziwa za ife tokha, kutenga udindo wathu wamakhalidwe, zomwe timachita, ndipo pamapeto pake zosowa zathu, ndi gawo limodzi pobweretsa bwenzi lathu pamalo omwe angawone kuti ndi mwa chidwi chawo kusintha machitidwe awo.
Ngati mnzake atuluka / kuzindikira njira zoyankhulirana zolakwika, izi zimatha kukhala ndi chiyanjano chachikulu paubwenziwo.
Ngati tisonyeza cholinga chathu chodzitengera udindo mwa kudzizindikira tokha ndi kudzimvera chisoni tokha, ndiye kuti mnzathu atha kukhala otetezeka komanso wolimbikitsidwa kuti asinthe.
Mu podcast iyi, phunzirani chifukwa chake sitikugonana komwe tikufuna komanso momwe tingapezere njira yolumikizirana bwino.
Onani izi pa InstagramGawo 4 - KULUMIKIZANA KWABWINO, Kugonana kwabwino. Munkhaniyi tikulankhula ndi Relationship Therapist komanso wolemba mnzake wa 'Kugonana, Chikondi ndi Kuopsa Kokhala paubwenzi' Helena Lovendal. Timasanthula chifukwa chomwe sitikugonana momwe tikufunira komanso momwe tingachitire. Mverani zigawo zisanu zoyambirira za Gawo 1 ndikulembetsa kuti musinthe kudzera pa ulalo wathu.
Cholemba chogawana ndi Mapu Achikondi (@lovemapspodcast) pa
- Marriage.com: Ndi vuto liti laubwenzi lomwe lakhala lovuta kwambiri lomwe mwakhala nalo kuti muthandize banja kutha mpaka pano?
Jo: Co-kudalira, pomwe kuchitira nkhanza anthu kumagwiritsa ntchito kuwongolera mantha.
- Marriage.com: Kodi anthu ayenera kuyembekezera chiyani komanso kuti sangayembekezere kuchokera ku zokambirana?
Jo: Awiri ayenera kuyembekezera:
- Kumvedwa
- Kuti mumvetse bwino zomwe nkhanizi zili
- Malo otetezeka
Awiri sayenera kuyembekezera:
- Kukonzedwa
- Kuti aweruzidwe
- Kukondera
- Marriage.com: Kodi anthu ambiri amaganiza bwanji za banja losangalala?
Jo:
- Kuti banja losangalala sifunikira chisamaliro chokhazikika, chokhazikika.
- Kugonana kumachitika mwachilengedwe
- Mwana ameneyo abweretsa banja limodzi
- Kusamenyana ndi chizindikiro chabwino
- Marriage.com: Kodi ndi njira ziti zosavuta kukhala ndi banja losangalala kapena kupulumutsa banja?
Jo: Kukhala ndi banja losangalala kapena kupulumutsa banja
- Sanjani nthawi yaubwenzi
- Sanjani nthawi yoti muzimverana
- Kuvomereza / kukumbatira kusiyana
- Kusamalira udindo wathu ndi momwe timachitira
- Kuyankhula mozindikira ndikuyankhana wina ndi mnzake m'njira yomwe ikuwonetsa kuti munthu amene mukumulankhulayo ndi yemwe mukufuna kukhala naye kwanthawi yayitali.
- Kuchitirana wina ndi mnzake ulemu womwe anthu ambiri amangosungira makasitomala ofunikira / anzawo ogwira nawo ntchito.
- Musanayankhe, tengani mpweya katatu, kenako mumatha kuyankha kuchokera ku gawo lalikulu laubongo wanu.
Pofotokoza njira zosavuta komanso zothandiza, Jo akuwonetsa chifukwa chake maanja amalephera kupanga banja losangalala komanso momwe angapezere chikondi chomwe akufuna. Jo akuwonetsanso maupangiri othandizira, osangalala m'banja omwe atha kukhala othandiza kwa aliyense kapena banja lomwe likufuna chitsogozo.