Marriage.com: Tiuzeni pang'ono za inu ndi buku lanu la Angel On A Surfboard: Novel Romance Mystical Imene Ikulongosola Chinsinsi Cha Chikondi Chakuya.
David Essel: Buku lathu latsopanoli logulitsa kwambiri zachinsinsi, "Angel On A Surfboard", ndi limodzi mwa mabuku apadera kwambiri omwe ndidalemba.
Mutu waukulu wankhani ndikumvetsetsa zomwe zimatilepheretsa kupanga chikondi chakuya. Ndinatenga milungu itatu ndikuyenda pakati pazilumba za Hawaii kuti ndilembe buku, ndipo zotsatira zake zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri.
Ili ndi buku langa la 10, anayi mwa iwo akhala ogulitsa kwambiri, ndipo popeza tikulankhula za amuna komanso kulumikizana kwamunthu aliyense padziko lapansi atha kupindula kwambiri powerenga bukuli.
Ndidayamba kudziko lakukula kwazaka 40 zapitazo, ndipo ndikupitilizabe lero ngati wolemba, phungu komanso Master Life Coach. Timagwira ntchito ndi anthu ochokera padziko lonse lapansi tsiku lililonse sabata kudzera pafoni, Skype ndipo timatenganso makasitomala ku ofesi yanga ya Fort Myers Florida.
Marriage.com: Amuna ambiri amalimbana ndikugawana zakukhosi kwawo, aka sikakhala koyamba kuti wina anene kuti pokhapokha mutasintha izi, maubwenzi anu ambiri adzadzala ndi chisokonezo ndi sewero.
Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chiyani abambo amakhala ndi nthawi yovuta yolumikizana nawo, ndikugawana zakukhosi kwawo komanso maubale awo?
David Essel: Yankho lake ndi losavuta: kuzindikira misala.
Pafupifupi munthu aliyense yemwe wakulira mu Sosaite lero wazunguliridwa ndi amuna omwe sanaphunzitsidwe momwe angalumikizane ndi malingaliro awo komanso kuzama kofunikira kuti timvetsetse momwe timamvera komanso za wina. Chifukwa chake mukaleredwa pagulu lomwe silimalemekeza munthu yemwe amatha kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake, amuna ambiri amanyalanyaza kuyesayesa kuyang'ana mbali ina ya moyo wawo.
Kulephera kuthana ndi kulumikizana kumathandizanso kuti munthu asamvetsetse zomwe munthu akufuna pachibwenzi.
1. Marriage.com: Kodi ndi njira ziti zomwe abambo angaphunzire kulankhulana bwino?
David Essel: Nambala chimodzi, potenga nawo mbali pazomwe akumva komanso momwe akumvera. Izi zimachitika mosavuta. M'magawo athu ndi amuna omwe akufuna kukhala olumikizana bwino, ndidawapempha kaye kuti ayambe kulankhulana okha.
Akakhala osangalala kwambiri, ndinawafunsa kuti afotokoze zomwe zimapangitsa chisangalalo. Ngati ali okwiya kwenikweni, amachita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti athandize kupeza chifukwa chomwe amakwiya, kupsa mtima kapena kupsa mtima.
Ngati atopa, ndiwauza kuti alembe zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wawo zomwe zitha kubweretsa kunyong'onyeka.
Mwanjira ina, ngati mutha kulumikizana bwino ndi momwe mumamvera, mudzakhala ndi mwayi wofotokozera pakufunika.
2. Marriage.com: Kodi zingatheke bwanji kuti mnyamata yemwe angakhale wamanyazi kwambiri muubwenzi wawo apemphe mnzake kuti amubwezere msana? Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe amuna amafuna koma osazifunsa, kuwopa kunyalanyazidwa.
David Essel: Izi ndizosavuta! Perekani kuti mupatse mnzanu msana poyamba. Chitani mwachifatse. Apatseni kubwerera kodabwitsa kwambiri komwe adakhalako m'miyoyo yawo.
Kenako, afunseni ngati angafune kukuchitirani zomwezo, mwina lero kapena tsiku lina. Apatseni zosankha!
Izi zimatsegula chitseko chofunsa zomwe mukufuna, pomupatsa wina zomwe akufuna poyamba.
3. Marriage.com: Chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe abambo amafuna muubwenzi ndizosiyanasiyana mmoyo wawo wogonana. Ndi maupangiri ati abwino kwa abambo omwe akufuna kufunsa wokondedwa wawo kuti akhale ndi moyo wosiyanasiyana wogonana?
David Essel: Kunyong'onyeka pogonana kumakhala kofala pamaubale okhalitsa. Munthu amene akufuna kusiyanasiyana amvetsetsanso kuti akhoza kukanidwa ndipo zili bwino.
Chifukwa choti mukufuna china chake, sizitanthauza kuti mnzanu afunanso zomwezo, chifukwa chake tiyenera kukhala omasuka kudziwa kuti ngati tikambirana zina zatsopano zogonana zomwe zitha kudzitchinjiriza, kapena kumva kuti sali okwanira momwe aliri.
Ndiyamba kukambirana powapatsa makasitomala anga kuti azikambirana ndi anzawo za zomwe zikuchitika pa kugonana zomwe amasangalala nazo, zomwe wokondedwa wawo amachita bwino.
Timatsegula khomo la njira yotseguka yogonana tikamathandizira mnzathu pazomwe akuchita pakadali pano zomwe timawakondadi.
Gawo lotsatira ndikufunsa mnzakeyo ngati pali malo ena ogonana kapena zidole zomwe sanagwiritsepo ntchito koma amafuna?
Kodi mudafunako kusewera sewero lachiwerewere? Mwanjira ina, ndimawafunsa mafunso pazomwe angakonde kuchita mosiyanasiyana pogonana, ndisanapatse anzathu malingaliro pazomwe tikufuna.
Mutha kuwafunsanso ngati angafune kuwonera ma CD aliwonse ophunzitsira zakugonana, pali masauzande ambiri pamsika, kapena ngati angafune kupita kukacheza ndi akatswiri kukalankhula zakukulitsa ubale wawo kudzera pogonana komanso mitundu ina yachikondi.
Chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe amuna amafuna muubwenzi ndi moyo wosangalatsa wogonana, wokhala ndi malo ochulukirapo, koma osapweteketsa wokondedwa wawo.
Aikeni pamalo oyamba polankhulana, ndipo mudzapeza madalitso panjira.
4. Marriage.com: Pamasewera omwe amuna amafuna muubwenzi ndi ulemu. Kodi mwamuna kapena mkazi amafunsa bwanji za kupeza ulemu pang'ono? Kwenikweni, pangani izi kwambiri.
David Essel: Ngati sakutipatsa ulemu kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wathu, konzekerani, ndi vuto lathu, osati lawo. Timaphunzitsa ena momwe angatithandizire, ndi mawu akale omwe ali olondola 100%.
Kudalira, pantchito yanga, ndiye chizolowezi chachikulu kwambiri padziko lapansi, ndipo ngati mumadalira mnzanu, sangakulemekezeni konse. Kwa azimayi, omwe amapezeka kuti akuyang'ana yankho la funso loti, "ungamupangitse bwanji mnyamata kuti akusangalatse?", Phindu lofunikira kwambiri lomwe muyenera kupewa ndikukhala odalira mnzake.
Ngati mungauze wina, kuti simukuyamikira kuchuluka kwa zomwe amamwa, ndipo nthawi yotsatira akadzaledzera mutenga masiku 90 kuchokera pachibwenzi, mnzanuyo amangokulemekezani ngati mupitiliza mawu anu.
Chifukwa chake ngati aledzanso, osapatukana nawo masiku 90, sangakulemekezeni ndipo ndi chitsanzo chimodzi chokha.
Nthawi iliyonse tikauza mnzathu, kuti sitikufuna kuti achite XY kapena Z, ndipo amachita, ndipo tilibe zotsatira zake, tasiya ulemu wathunthu. Ndipo tiyenera kutaya ulemu wathunthu ngati sitikufuna kutsatira mawu athu.
5. Marriage.com: Chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe amuna amafuna mu chiyanjano ndi akazi awo kuchitapo kanthu. Kodi mungamuuze chiyani mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe akufuna kuti mnzake wina apange koyamba muubwenzi wawo?
David Essel: Ndikawauza kuti asankhe bwenzi lotsogola. Amamveka kuti ndi omvera kwambiri, mwina olowerera, ndipo ngati akuwopa kupanga kaye ayambireni kupeza munthu yemwe saopa kupanga koyamba, yemwe angakhale mtsogoleri pachibwenzicho.
6. Marriage.com: Kodi angamuuze bwanji wokondedwa wake kuti akufuna kuthandizidwa?
David Essel: Aliyense amafuna kulimbikitsidwa, nthawi zina mochuluka kwambiri kuposa ena. Njira imodzi yopezera chilimbikitso ndikukhala ndi munthu yemwe angakumvereni osakupatsani upangiri.
Ndimaphunzitsa makasitomala anga onse achimuna, akakhala pansi ndikufuna kukambirana ndi anzawo za kupsinjika komwe akukumana nako, kuti ndiyambe ndi mawu onga akuti "Ndikufuna kugawana nawo zomwe zikundisowetsa mtendere m'moyo wanga pompano , Ndingakonde mutangomvera, mundigwire dzanja koma osandipatsa upangiri uliwonse. Ndiyenera kuchotsa ichi pachifuwa panga. "
Izi ndi zamatsenga momwe zimagwirira ntchito.
7. Marriage.com: Tinene kuti akufuna kungocheza ndi azizake usikuuno?
David Essel: Chofunikira kwambiri tikamakamba zakupatula nthawi yocheza ndi kupereka chidziwitso kwa okwatirana kuti tidzakhala limodzi ndi anzathu tsiku ndi nthawi.
Mwanjira ina, ngati mukudziwa kuti muzisewera makadi ndi anzanu Lachinayi chamawa usiku, ndikudikirira Lachitatu kuti muwuze mnzanu, sizoyenera konse.
Mukangodziwa kuti mukucheza ndi anzanu, tifunika kugawana izi kuti aliyense akhale.
8. Marriage.com: Zingatheke bwanji kuti mnyamata yemwe angakhale wamanyazi kwambiri muubwenzi wawo apemphe wokondedwa wawo kuti angopeza nthawi yoti akhale okha?
David Essel: Poyankhulana, ndiroleni ndibwereze, chifukwa izi ndizofunikira kwambiri, kukanidwa ndi gawo lamasewera.
Mvetsetsani, ngati mukufuna kukhala nokha, mnzanuyo sangavomereze kapena sangakonde koma sitingathe kunyamula zakukhosi kwawo.
Tiyenera kukhala ndi mphamvu zowadziwitsa kuti tikhala ndi nthawi yopanga ABC, zilizonse zomwe zingachitike, ndipo nthawi yopumula ndiyofunikira kwa aliyense muubwenzi uliwonse. Zina mwazinthu zomwe amuna amafuna pachibwenzi ndi nthawi yopumira ndipo ngati ndinu mzimayi mukuwerenga izi, mutha kuwonetsa chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu pokhala omvera.
Maanja omwe amachita "zonse" limodzi, nthawi zambiri zimawotcha.
9. Marriage.com: Ndi njira ziti zabwino zomwe abambo angafunse wokondedwa wawo kuti akufuna kuti awawonetse zogonana kuposa zomwe akhala akupeza?
David Essel: Nthawi zonse yambani ndi chiyamikiro. "Wokondedwa ndimakonda momwe umandigonera m'kamwa, sizodabwitsa nthawi zonse!"
Kapena zilizonse zomwe mumakonda zogonana ndi mnzanu, zithandizeni. Osapanga zabodza, koma ayamikireni ndi zomwe akuchita bwino.
Pambuyo pake, mutha kunena kuti "Ndimakondadi momwe mumandigonera pakamwa, ndipo ndimaganiza ngati nanunso mungachite izi". Zilizonse zomwe zingakhale "izi".
Mwanjira ina, abwenzi ambiri amakhala amanyazi mukawauza kuti "ndiwonetseni malingaliro anga onetsani chiwerewere chilichonse chomwe muli nacho", koma mukawatsogolera pang'onopang'ono, atseguka mwachangu kwambiri.
10. Marriage.com: Pambuyo pa sabata yayitali yogwira ntchito, pamapeto pake ndikumapeto kwa sabata, ndipo zonse zomwe mukufuna ndi kuti mnzanuyo azitsogolera pa zomwe akuchita usikuuno. Kodi angachite bwanji izi mosaganizira?
David Essel: Nthawi zonse ndimalimbikitsa anthu kuti azilankhula momasuka kwambiri, kungoziyika pamzere.
“Wokondedwa, sabata ino yakhala yopenga, ndikupempha kuti upitirize kukonzekera usikuuno, ndipanga chilichonse chomwe ungafune ngati ndi kanema, chakudya chamadzulo. Ndikungokupemphani kuti mudzakhalepo usikuuno, ndidzakuwonani nthawi ya seveni. "
Mtundu uwu wa imelo kapena meseji uyenera kutumizidwa m'mawa kapena m'mawa kwambiri, kuwapatsa nthawi yokwanira yoganizira. Ngati akankhira kumbuyo ndikunena kuti sakudziwa, zilekeni.
Kapenanso mutha kuwafunsa kuti akonzekere usiku wamawa ngati akumva kuti achite lero. Kwa akazi, chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe anyamata amafuna kuchokera kwa inu ndikulamulira ndikukuyimbirani nthawi yakukonzekera nthawi zina, kuti athe kungosangalala ndikuthokoza nyenyezi zake chifukwa chofika ndi mnzake wodabwitsa chonchi.