Zamkati
- Magawo asanu achikondi ndi ati?
- Gawo 1: Kugwa mchikondi kapena malire
- Gawo 2: Kulimbitsa chidaliro
- Gawo 3: Kukhumudwitsidwa
- Gawo 4: Kumanga chikondi chenicheni
- Gawo 5: Mumalola kuti chikondi chanu chisinthe dziko lanu
- Kukonda magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi
- Pamapeto pake, zonse ndizokhudza chikondi!
Chikondi ndikumverera kokongola, ndipo pali magawo angapo achikondi. Chikondi sichimtundu umodzi chokha - chitha kuwoneka ndikudziwika muubwenzi ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana.
Kulikonse komwe tikupita, timazindikira kuti kumverera kotereku ndikofunikira kwambiri kwa anthu, ndipo amakonda kukondana, ndikukondana ndi anthu, zinthu, komanso malo.
Komabe, tikamva kapena kuwerenga mawu oti 'chikondi,' nthawi zambiri timagwirizanitsa ndi kukondana - chikondi pakati pa okondana, kukondana pakati pa okwatirana.
Magawo asanu achikondi ndi ati?
Dr. John Gottman, katswiri wodziwika bwino wamaganizidwe omwe adaphunzira za maukwati, adalemba buku lotchedwa Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love momwe adafotokozera kuti pali magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi.
Magawo achikondi awa a chibwenzi samangophatikizira kukondana "pakuwonana koyamba" koma kugwa nthawi zambiri m'magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi.
Pomwe kukondana kumakhala kokhazikika, pakhoza kukhala magawo asanu achikondi omwe maanja amadutsamo pokondana wina ndi mnzake. Popita nthawi, chikondi chomwe anthu awiri amakhala nacho kwa wina ndi mnzake chimasintha, ndipo magawo aubwenzi amapita patsogolo.
Gawo 1: Kugwa mchikondi kapena malire
Pomwe kukondana kumawoneka ngati kwapafupi kwa inu, ena atha kudzipeza okha akufunsa ngati ndi magawo ati achikondi. Mwina simunaganizirepo za izi, koma pali njira zingapo zachikondi zomwe awiriwo amapitilira asanakwane.
Mu gawo limodzi mwamagawo oyamba achikondi, timafotokozeredwa za teremu kapena gawo lalingaliro. Titha kuganiza kuti magawo achikondi cha abambo ndi amai atha kukhala osiyana, koma ngakhale atakhala ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zofotokozera zakukhosi kwawo, magawo aubwenzi nthawi zambiri amakhalabe ofanana.
A Dorothy Tennov adayambitsa malire mu 1979. Mawuwa amatanthauziridwa ngati mkhalidwe wamaganizidwe omwe munthu amakhala nawo mchikondi womwe ukuwonetsedwa pazizindikiro zakuthupi izi.
Nkhope yotupa, kuwonjezeka kwa kugunda kwa mtima, kupuma movutikira, ndi zizindikilo zamaganizidwe, zomwe ndi: malingaliro otengeka kwambiri ndi zokhumbirika, chisangalalo chopanga ubale ndi okondedwa, zilakolako zakugonana, komanso mantha owonedwa.
Kupatula kuwonekera kwamaganizidwe / malingaliro ndi thupi, matupi athu amagwira ntchito mpaka pamankhwala / ma molekyulu pomwe tili gawo loyamba mwa magawo asanu aubwenzi.
Kugwa mchikondi kumapangitsanso mahomoni ndi ma pheromones omwe amatipangitsa ife kukopeka kwambiri ndi bwenzi lathu posachedwa. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro zoyamba zaubwenzi.
Malinga ndi Alchemy of Love and Lust wolemba Dr. Theresa Crenshaw, mwa mahomoni ofunikira kwambiri omwe amatenga gawo limodzi mwamagawo atatu awa aubwenzi ndi awa:
Phenylethylamine (PEA), kapena "molekyulu ya chikondi," ndi mtundu wa amphetamine (inde, mankhwalawo), omwe amapangidwa mwachilengedwe mthupi lathu.
Oxytocin, yotchuka kwambiri monga "cuddle hormone," ndi yomwe imatipangitsa kuyandikira pafupi ndi okondedwa athu. Tikakhala pafupi, matupi athu amatulutsa zochulukirapo. Potero timayandikira kwambiri.
Izi pazomwe zimapangitsa chidwi chachikondi zimatipangitsa kuti tisamawone mbendera zofiira zilizonse. Ili ndi limodzi mwamagawo oyamba achikondi. Zimatipatsa chiyembekezo chakukonda munthu amene timamukonda.
Mbendera zofiira izi pamapeto pake zimakumana pagawo lachiwiri lachikondi lomwe ndi, kukulitsa chidaliro.
Kuti mumvetsetse zambiri pazizindikiro zakukondana, onerani kanemayu.
Gawo 2: Kulimbitsa chidaliro
Ili ndi gawo lachiwiri mwamagawo asanu okondana. Pakadali pano pa chikondi, pali mafunso ambiri omwe okonda amakumana nawo, koma nthawi yomweyo, amakula ngati banja ndikupanga ubale wawo. Kulimbitsa chidaliro kumapangitsa okonda kuyankha funso loyambirira komanso lofunika kwambiri lachikondi -
Kodi ndingakudalire?
Kukhazikitsa kudalirana ndikutanthauza kusunga chidwi cha mnzanu mu gawo lachiwirili lachikondi. Zonse ndikumvera mnzanu. Akaona kuti sakukwanira kapena amafotokozera zowawa zawo ndi zopweteka zawo, timayimitsa dziko lathu kuti lisakumane nawo pankhondoyi.
Ili ndiye gawo lachiwiri laubwenzi, pomwe anthu amayamba kumva kukhala otetezeka mu ubale wawo. Kugonana, ngakhale kuti sikungakhale kotentha kapena koyipa ngati gawo loyamba la kutengeka, kumakhala kokhutiritsa.
Gawo lachiwiri ndi pamene mumamva kuti ndinu otetezedwa komanso osamalidwa. Kuyankhulana nthawi imeneyi kumatha kubwera mwachilengedwe, koma mupezanso mwayi woti mukulankhula ndi mnzanu, kuwamvetsetsa bwino ndikuwadalira.
Mudzachitanso zinthu zomwe zingathandize wokondedwa wanu kuti azikukhulupirirani komanso kukukondani kwambiri.
Gawo 3: Kukhumudwitsidwa
Gawo lachitatu la chikondi ndi gawo lakukhumudwitsidwa. Ndipamene, pokonda, mumayamba kuzindikira kuti chibwenzi, kapena chikondi, si bedi lamaluwa. Apa ndipamene mumayamba kukhumudwa pachibwenzi chanu.
Kukhumudwitsidwa kumatha kukhala gawo lovuta kudutsa kwa okwatirana okondana mpaka pano, ndipo ena sangadutse gawo ili mwachikondi ndi maubale.Anthu muubwenzi amayamba kudzifunsa ngati asankha munthu woyenera kapena ngati alakwitsa.
Amayambanso kudzifunsa ngati ubalewo uthandizadi kapena ayi. Komabe, maanja ambiri sazindikira kuti gawo ili ndi lachilengedwe ndipo amakumana ndi aliyense amene ali pachibwenzi.
Chinsinsi chodutsa gawo lachitatu la chikondi ndikulankhulana wina ndi mnzake momwe mukumvera. Mwinanso mutha kuyankhulana ndi maanja ena omwe akhala pachibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali.
Mukamachita izi, mudzazindikira kuti siteji iyi ndi yachilendo ndipo sizoyenera kuda nkhawa. Kulankhula zakukhosi kwanu ndi mnzanu kungakuthandizeninso kukonza zinthu mwachangu.
Gawo 4: Kumanga chikondi chenicheni
Iyi ndiye gawo pomwe maanja amadziwana kunja, apitilira gawo lakukhumudwitsidwa, ndikumamvetsetsana bwino, ubale wawo, ndi chikondi chawo.
Pakadali pano, mwaphunzira zofooka ndi zolakwika za mnzanu ndipo mwaphunzira kuthana nazo.
Nonse tsopano mwakhala gulu, ndipo aliyense wa inu samangoganizira za iye yekha, komanso mnzake. Mumasamala za zolinga zawo, zokhumba zawo, ndi malingaliro awo kuposa kale, kukupangitsani kukhala gulu labwino.
Mumamvetsetsa tanthauzo lenileni la 'chikondi' ndipo mumazindikira kuti sizikhala zokongola nthawi zonse kapena ngati rom-com.
Yesani: Kodi Mukuwona Kuti Mumamvetsetsana Mafunso
Gawo 5: Mumalola kuti chikondi chanu chisinthe dziko lanu
Gawo 5 mwina ndi pomwe chikondi chanu chimakhala champhamvu kwambiri.
Mukaphunzira kukondana ndikunyalanyaza zazing'onoting'ono ndikukumbatira zolakwa za wina ndi mnzake, mumazindikira kuti mutha kugwiritsa ntchito chikondi chanu kusintha dziko ndikupanga kusiyana.
Mumazindikira mphamvu yomwe muli nayo ngati banja ndikuyamba kuigwiritsa ntchito m'njira zosiyanasiyana m'moyo wanu. Mukuwona kuti mutha kuchita zambiri mukamagwira ntchito limodzi ndi mnzanu kuposa momwe mungakhalire mukanakhala nokha. Mumakwaniritsanso zochulukirapo, zazikuluzikulu nawo.
Kukonda magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi
Kuwonjezeka kwa mabanja osudzulana ku United States kukuwoneka kuti kukuwonetsa kuti mabanja ambiri akhoza kukhala ndi vuto kudutsa gawo lachiwiri lachikondi. Kupatula apo, ndizovuta kukhazikitsa chidaliro.
Pali njira zambiri zomwe tingapitilize kukondana m'magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi, monga kugwiritsa ntchito njira zotsatirazi zopangitsa kuti chikondi chikhalebe chotukuka pagawo lililonse laubwenzi wachikondi.
Malinga ndi Dr. John Gottman, abwenzi amatha kudutsa magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi mwa kutsatira malangizo ochepa awa:
- Kudziwa za mavuto a mnzathu.
- Kumvetsetsa kuti nthawi zonse pali njira ziwiri zothetsera kukhumudwa.
- Kutembenukira kumbali, mmalo mopatukana ndi zosowa za mnzathu.
- Kupereka kumvetsetsa kwathunthu kwa mnzanu
- Kumvera mnzathu, osadzitchinjiriza. Kupereka khutu lomvera ndi mtima wotseguka ndi malingaliro otseguka.
- Chomaliza ndichakuti mukumvera ena chisoni.
Magawo awa okwatirana kapena magawo aubwenzi amatisonyeza ku chowonadi kuti pali zifukwa zambiri zomwe matupi athu ndi zomwe timafunikira ziyenera kukumana kuti tikondane ndi munthu komanso zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu azikondana ndi munthu.
Kugwa mchikondi sikungopanga momwe timamverera, popeza tsopano tikudziwa kuti mahomoni ndi ma pheromones nawonso amaneneratu, ndipo kukhalabe mchikondi sikungouza anzathu kuti "Ndimakukondani" tsiku lililonse kapena ola lililonse.
Magawo osiyanasiyana okondana kuti agwirizane ndi oti nthawi zonse azisunga chidwi cha okondedwa athu. Nthawi yomweyo, tikupitilizabe kukula ngati munthu patokha munthawi yonse yamaubwenzi.
Pamapeto pake, zonse ndizokhudza chikondi!
Ngakhale maanja onse amapyola mu magawo osiyanasiyana achikondi, ena amatha kupulumuka masiku ovuta, pomwe ena sangathe. Mwanjira iliyonse, ndi yokhudza chikondi chomwe anthu awiri amagawana, kaya munthawi yochepa kapena yayitali. Ndikofunikira kuti mumvetsetse zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri.
Kulankhulana, kukhulupirirana, ndi chikondi ndizofunikira kwambiri paubwenzi koma zimafuna nthawi kuti zimangiridwe bwino.