Zamkati
- Sinthani momwe mumaganizirana
- Kukhala ndi malingaliro ozama, osazindikira za moyo wathu wachikondi
- Kuyembekezera wokondedwa wathu kuti akwaniritse zokhumba zathu zambiri osanena
- Kutembenuza magome pamlandu
- Chiyambi cha kudzimvera chisoni kwa banjali
- Chowonjezera cha kudzimvera chisoni, komanso sayansi yake
- Anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amakhala ndi zibwenzi zokhutiritsa
- Bwalo labwino komanso njira yatsopano yolumikizirana
- Gawo lenileni lamphamvu laubwenzi limayamba kupepuka
- Kupanga kudzimvera chisoni kudzadzutsa luso lazachidziwitso
M'zaka zingapo zapitazi ndakhala ndikuwonetsa makasitomala anga azachipatala njira zochiritsira zomwe zimawadabwitsa, kenako nthawi yomweyo zimapereka mpumulo kupsinjika ndi kuzunzika komwe akumva. Nkhaniyi iyesa kufotokoza mwachidule kuti ndi chiyani.
M'banja lirilonse muli maphunziro ochuluka oti muchite, komanso sitiyenera kuchita manyazi kufunafuna chithandizo cha maanja.
Sinthani momwe mumaganizirana
Pofika nthawi yomwe awiriwo alowa nawo limodzi, pamakhala misozi yambiri, mawu okhwima amalankhulidwa, maloto amasokonekera, komanso kuzindikira kowawa modabwitsa kuti munthu yemwe timamukonda ndi mawonekedwe, kumveka, komanso kumva kuti ndi wosiyana kwambiri ndi m'modzi yemwe tidayamba naye ulendo.
Zachidziwikire, ambiri aife tikudziwa tsopano kuti malingaliro athu a wina ndi mnzake amasintha pachimake atachoka pa duwa, ndipo pali zowona zasayansi pankhaniyi. Pambuyo pazaka zochepa kapena miyezi ingapo, ndipo gawo lolimba laubwenzi latha, ngakhale milingo ya dopamine ndi oxytocin m'magazi mwathu silingafanane ndi momwe timawonera anzathu.
Chisangalalo chomwecho ndi chisangalalo chasintha kukhala kuyamikirika mozama, koyenera. Kapenanso zadzetsa kupsinjika, mkwiyo, ndikukhumudwitsidwa.
Kukhala ndi malingaliro ozama, osazindikira za moyo wathu wachikondi
Othandizira ambiri awona, ngakhale tidziwa kuti zinthu zasintha, timakhalabe ndi malingaliro ozama, osadziwa zambiri za moyo wathu wachikondi, omwe akuyenera kukhumudwitsidwa.
Ndizoti, m'mawu osavuta, mnzathu amatipangitsa kuti timve bwino. Tsoka ilo kapena m'malo, mwamwayi! Palibe mnzake yemwe angatipatseko chikondi chonse ndi kuchiritsa komwe timafunikira.
Ndikuti 'mwamwayi' chifukwa ulendowu waukwati upeza zabwino zosayerekezeka ngati tingosiya kuziyembekezera kuchokera kwa mnzathu.
Kuyembekezera wokondedwa wathu kuti akwaniritse zokhumba zathu zambiri osanena
Pakabuka mikangano yosapeweka, komanso yofunikira nthawi zambiri m'mabanja amakono, malingaliro okhumudwitsana ndi okwiya amakula mutu.
Tikuyembekeza kuti wokondedwa wathu akwaniritse zolakalaka zathu zambiri zomwe sizikudziwika komanso zosadziwika. Tikukhulupirira motsutsana ndi chiyembekezo mnzathu atikhululukira ngongole zathu, ngakhale zili zovuta kuti tiwakhululukire.
Zomwe zimachitika posachedwa ndikuti kukoma mtima kosowa ndi chuma chamtengo wapatali kwa ife kumayikidwa pangozi. Zowona, tingadzikonde tokha bwanji ngati mnzathu wa muukwati akutikwiyira?
Kudzidzimitsa kwa mphamvu, mphamvu yomwe timafunikira kwambiri, kumangotipangitsa ife kudzimva otetezeka. Ndipo kuzunzidwa, kuweruzidwa, komanso kukwiya kwambiri kuti tithane nawo kwambiri.
Kutembenuza magome pamlandu
Kwa othandizira maanja, izi ndizopweteka kwambiri, chifukwa timamva kuti anthu awiri abwino kwambiri omwe amakhala patsogolo pathu sayenera kukhala ovutikira wina ndi mnzake.
Nthawi zina ndimamva ngati ndimayang'ana zochitika za Ndani Akuwopa Virginia Woolf? Kwa zaka makumi angapo, maanja angapo amabwera muofesi yanga, okonzeka kuimbirana mlandu.
Ngakhale nditayesetsa kuchitapo kanthu, zimawoneka ngati sangakhululukire, kapena kusiya chiyembekezo chosatheka. Ngakhale ndikawalimbikitsa kuti achotse mipeni yawo, amapitilizabe kuwadzudzula. Ndipo ine, monga wothandizira wawo, ndimakhala nditatopa ndikuwona kuphedwa kumeneku.
Chiyambi cha kudzimvera chisoni kwa banjali
Pambuyo pake, ndidazindikira kuti ndibwino kubwerera kuchikhalidwe changa chachi Buddha, ndikuwona ngati ndingapeze njira zina zothandiza, mwina zomwe sindinaphunzirepo kusukulu yoyang'anira, kuyang'anira, semina, nkhani, kapena buku. Titha kuyitanitsa kulowereraku, 'Kutembenuza magome pamlandu - kuyambitsa kudzimvera chisoni kwa banjali.'
Njira iyi, Chibuda pachiyambi, imayambitsa njira zina zomwe zimathandizira kudzimvera chisoni komanso zimalimbikitsa chidwi ichi.
Mwa kupatsa makasitomala njira yothetsera kulakwitsa ndi mkwiyo, zimathandizira kulimbikitsa njira yolumikizirana yosakhala yankhanza, ndipo imatha kusokoneza msanga magulu obisalira.
Izi ndizofunikanso m'dziko lamasiku ano, chifukwa ochepa mwa ife tidaphunzitsidwa ndi mabanja omwe tidachokera, tchalitchi, kapena masukulu, kufunikira kodzidzimvera tokha.
Kuti tipeze chithunzi cha kulowererapo, tiyeni tiyambe ndi zomwe timapanga kwa mnzathu:
- Tikuyembekeza kuti azitikonda mosasamala kanthu.
- Timawaimba mlandu chifukwa chosatichitira mwachilungamo, kapena mwangwiro, kapena mwachikondi.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti awerenge malingaliro athu.
- Ngakhale titadziwa kuti talakwitsa, timayembekezera kuti onse atikhululukira.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti athetse vuto lililonse lachiwerewere, jenda, komanso kusatetezeka kwamachitidwe.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti adzatithandiziranso pakulera ana.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti atisokoneze ndi banja lawo, komanso banja lathu.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti atilimbikitse mwaluso, mwaluso.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti apereke ndalama kapena malingaliro.
- Tikuyembekeza kuti azindikire zokhumba zathu zauzimu ndipo, ngati mfiti, atithandizire pakufuna kwathu ngwazi.
Ndipo kupitirira.
Ndiwotalika, kuthana ndi chikumbumtima cha anzathu, ndikukhala olandila ziyembekezo zambiri zosatheka.
Ndipo ndizovutanso kukhala ndi zofuna zathu tokha. Tonsefe tili ndi chikhumbo chozama, chosazindikira kuti tizisamaliridwa, kukondedwa, ndi kulemekezedwa m'njira yathunthu. Koma mwatsoka, palibe mnzake yemwe angatipatseko kukoma mtima ndi chifundo chotere, titha kuchita zokhazokha kwa abale athu.
Zomwe akuyembekezerazi zimakhala zosamvana chifukwa, sizowona, mnzathu ali ndi malingaliro ake ndi 'zoyenera', ndipo zambiri mwa izi zimangokhala moto wokhumudwitsa.
Kenako, ngati chilombo china chongopeka, kudziimba mlandu kwathu kumadzidyetsa. Kwa kudzichepetsa kwathu kudzudzula kumamveka bwino, ndipo kumabwezera.
Chowonjezera cha kudzimvera chisoni, komanso sayansi yake
Ndili ndi makasitomala anga, ndimapanga mlandu kuti ziyembekezo zonsezi, kwakukulu, ndi udindo wathu, ndipo takhumudwitsidwa chifukwa sitikudziwa momwe tingayambire zosowa zathu.
Apa ndipomwe chiphaso chodzichitira chifundo chimabwera. Icho 'chimasandutsa matebulo' chifukwa nthawi yomweyo chimakhala cholondola kwa mizimu yathu, ndikusintha kwamphamvu kuchokera kuyang'ana panja mpaka mkati:
"O, ukutanthauza kuti ngati ndimadzikonda ndekha ndikhoza kukhala bwino ndi maluso onsewa?"
"O, ukutanthauza kuti ndi zowonadi kuti usanakondenso ena, uyenera kudzikonda wekha?"
"O, ukutanthauza kuti sindiyenera kumangopereka zopereka kwa anthu ena kaye, ndikupereka, ndi kupatsa?"
Dr. Kristin Neff, pulofesa ku Yunivesite ya Texas, Austin, posachedwapa adasindikiza buku lowononga malo, lotchedwa Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Kutanthauzira kwake kwodzimvera chisoni ndikutatu, ndipo kumafuna kudzikomera mtima, kuzindikira umunthu wathu wonse, komanso kulingalira.
Amakhulupirira kuti onse atatuwa amagwirira ntchito limodzi mogwirizana kuti apange zenizeni. Ngakhale poyang'ana koyamba zingawoneke ngati zopanda pake komanso zowonekera, ntchito yake tsopano yapanga maphunziro opitilira zana pankhani yodzimvera chisoni. Zachidziwikire kuti asayansi azachikhalidwe kumadzulo, mpaka posachedwapa, anali kunyalanyaza nkhaniyi.
Zomwe zikudziwuza zokha. Kuti gulu lathu ndi lochepa kwambiri chifukwa cha kudzikomera tokha kumayankhula ndi ziweruzo zankhanza zomwe tili nazo pa ife eni ndi ena.
Anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amakhala ndi zibwenzi zokhutiritsa
Mabuku a Neff ali ndi magawo okhudza chidwi pa kafukufuku wake wamaubwenzi komanso kudzimvera chisoni. Iye akuti "anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amakhala ndi zibwenzi zachimwemwe komanso zokhutiritsa kuposa omwe samadzimvera chisoni."
Akuwonjezeranso kuti anthu omwe amadzichitira ulemu samakonda kuweruza anzawo, kuvomereza kwawo, okonda anzawo kwambiri, komanso otentha kwambiri komanso okonzeka kuthana ndi mavuto omwe abwera m'banjamo.
Bwalo labwino komanso njira yatsopano yolumikizirana
Tikayamba kudzimvera chisoni tokha, ndipamenenso timakhala okoma mtima kwa anzathu, ndipo izi zimapangitsanso gulu labwino.
Poyamba kukhala okoma mtima ndi okonda tokha timachepetsa zoyembekezera za mnzathu ndikuyamba kudyetsa ndi kudyetsa njala yamkati mwathu yamtendere, kukhululukirana, ndi nzeru.
Gawo lenileni lamphamvu laubwenzi limayamba kupepuka
Izi, zimathandizanso mnzathu kuti asamve kuti akuyembekezeredwa kugwedeza wand wamatsenga kuti atichiritse. Gawo lenileni laubwenzi limayamba kuchepa chifukwa tikadzikomera tokha, timayamba kumva bwino, ndipo timakopa mphamvu kuchokera kwa mnzathu.
Akamva kuchepa kwa kupanikizika, iwonso, atha kutenga kanthawi ndikudzifunsa, 'Bwanji osachitanso zomwezo? Kodi chingandilepheretse bwanji kuti nanenso ndipume pang'ono? '
Ndipo pamene akumva bwino za iwo eni, ndiye kuti ali ndi mphamvu zochiritsira zowonjezera. Zimangotengera malingaliro a woyambayo, ndi zoyambira pang'ono.
Kupanga kudzimvera chisoni kudzadzutsa luso lazachidziwitso
Kupanga kudzimvera chisoni, monga machitidwe onse achifundo, kumabweretsa kukonzanso kwa maukonde aubongo, ndikudzutsa chidziwitso chakanthawi. Zachidziwikire, zimafunikira nzeru kuti mudziwe momwe mungapewere nkhanza, koma kwa omwe ali athanzi izi ndizosavuta.
Chowonadi ndi chakuti ndi ife tokha titha kudzikondadi tokha momwe timafunira, monga momwe timadzidziwira.
Pokhapokha timadziwa bwino zomwe timafunikira. Kuphatikiza apo, ndife omwe timadzivutitsa kwambiri, (kusiya, pakadali pano, mikhalidwe yazunzo).
Tikafotokozera zakukhalanso motere momwe tingakhalire otengeka mtima, momwe tingaletsere kuyerekezera ndi ziyembekezo, ndikungodzikomera tokha, zimangopitilira zina, zimakhala njira yatsopano yolumikizirana ndi wokondana naye. Ndipo njira yatsopanoyi yolankhulirana itha kukhala njira yatsopano yamoyo.