Zamkati
- Zinsinsi za ukwati wachiwiri wabwino
- Chitsanzo: Phunziro la Eva ndi Conner
- Pangani kudzipereka kuti muzicheza ndi wokondedwa wanu
- Miyambo yoti mubwererenso muubwenzi wanu
- 1. Mwambo wokumana tsiku ndi tsiku
- 2. Idyani chakudya limodzi popanda nthawi yophimba
- 3. Sewerani nyimbo yomwe mumakonda kuti musangalale ndi vinyo komanso kuvina
- 4. Tsatirani miyambo yotsatirayi ya tsiku ndi tsiku
- Ndiwe wokha wopanga zisankho pano!
Pali zonena zabodza zambiri zokhudzana ndi kulowa ndikusungitsa ukwati wabwino ndi munthu yemwe anali atamangidwa kale musanakhulupirire kuti wokondedwa wanu azitha kupewa zovuta monga mavuto azachuma ndikusiya katundu kuchokera ku banja lawo loyamba.
Kupatula apo, ayenera kuti anaphunzirapo kanthu paukwati wawo woyamba ndi chisudzulo.
Malinga ndi olemba, Hetheringston, Ph.D, E. Mavis, ndi John Kelly, m'buku lawo lotchedwa 'For Better Or For Worse: Divorce Considered,' adati ngakhale 75% ya anthu osudzulana pamapeto pake adzakwatiranso, ambiri mwa maukwati awa alephera chifukwa cha zovuta zomwe mabanja okwatirana amakumana nazo. Mavutowa amabwera panthawi yomwe akuyesera kupanga ubale ndikusinthira, ndikuphatikiza, mabanja omwe alipo komanso mbiri zovuta zaubwenzi.
Ndi maanja ochepa omwe amamvetsetsa koyambirira kwa momwe kubwereranso kumakhala kovuta komanso kovuta.
Mabanja akayambiranso kukwatiranso, cholakwitsa chomwe amachita nthawi zambiri ndikuyembekezera kuti zonse zitha kuyenda bwino.
Chikondi chimatha kukhala chokoma kachiwiri kapena kachitatu, koma chisangalalo cha ubale watsopano chikatha, zenizeni zakulowa nawo maiko awiri osiyana zayambika.
Zinsinsi za ukwati wachiwiri wabwino
Njira zosiyanasiyana ndi njira zolerera, nkhani zachuma, nkhani zamalamulo, maubale ndi omwe adakwatirana kale, ana komanso ana opeza, zitha kusokoneza kuyandikira kwa omwe adakwatiranso.
Ngati simunakhazikitse kulumikizana kwamphamvu ndipo mulibe zida zokonzera kuwonongeka kwa kulumikizana tsiku ndi tsiku, mutha kumadzudzulana wina ndi mnzake m'malo mothandizana.
Chitsanzo: Phunziro la Eva ndi Conner
Eva, wazaka 45, namwino komanso mayi wa ana awiri azaka zopita kusukulu ndi ana awiri opeza, adandiitanira kuti ndikalandire upangiri wa mabanja chifukwa anali kumapeto kwa chingwe chake.
Adakwatirana ndi Conner, wazaka 46, yemwe anali ndi ana awiri kuchokera muukwati wake zaka khumi zapitazo, ndipo ali ndi ana awiri aakazi asanu ndi mmodzi ndi asanu ndi atatu kuchokera muukwati wawo.
Eva adaziyika chonchi, “Sindimaganiza kuti banja lathu lingakhale lovuta pachuma. Conner amalipira ndalama kwa ana ake aamuna ndipo akuchira ngongole yomwe mkazi wake wakale adasokonekera. Alex, mwana wake wamwamuna woyamba kubadwa, akupita kukoleji posachedwa ndipo womaliza, Jack, akupita kumsasa wodula chilimwechi komwe kukuwononga ndalama zathu kubanki. ”
Akupitiriza, “Tili ndi ana athu awiri ndipo kulibe ndalama zokwanira kutigulira. Timatsutsananso za masitayelo athu akulera chifukwa ndine wokhazikitsa malire ndipo Conner ndiwosankha. Chilichonse chomwe anyamata ake akufuna, amapeza, ndipo sangangokana chilichonse chomwe angafune. ”
Ndikafunsa Conner kuti aganizire zomwe Eva adaziwona, akuti amawona chowonadi chowona kwa iwo koma kuti Eva amakokomeza chifukwa sanayandikire anyamata ake ndipo sadawakonde.
Conner akuwonetsa, “Eva adadziwa kuti ndinali ndi mavuto azachuma m'banja langa loyamba pomwe wakale adatenga ngongole, sanalipirepo, kenako adasiya ntchito panthawi yomwe tidasudzulana kuti athe kupeza ndalama zambiri zothandizira ana. Ndimakonda ana anga onse ndipo anyamata anga, Alex ndi Jack, sayenera kuvutika chifukwa ndidasudzula amayi awo. Ndili ndi ntchito yabwino ndipo Eva akakhala ndi nthawi yochuluka yocheza nawo, adzawona kuti ndi ana abwino. ”
Ngakhale Eva ndi Conner ali ndi mavuto ambiri oti akwaniritse ngati banja lomwe adakwatirananso, ayenera kusankha kaye kuti ali ndi chidwi chothandizana wina ndi mnzake ndikukhala maziko a banja lawo.
Kudzipereka kukhulupirira ndi kuyamikira mnzanuyo kumalimbitsa banja lanu lachiwiri.
Chiyanjano chanu chiyenera kukhala cholimba ndikutsimikizira kuti mumasankhana wina ndi mnzake tsiku lililonse ndipo mumadzipereka kuti mupange nthawi yofunika limodzi ndikuisunga.
Pangani kudzipereka kuti muzicheza ndi wokondedwa wanu
Ndikufunsa mafunso maanja angapo m'buku langa lomwe likubwerali "Buku Lokwatirananso: Momwe Mungapangire Chilichonse Kugwira Ntchito Bwino Kachiwiri," chinthu chimodzi chidawonekera bwino - zovuta zakukwatira munthu amene adakwatiranapo kale (pomwe mudakwatira kapena ayi) nthawi zambiri amasesa pansi pa rug ndipo amafunikira kukambirana kuti athetse kusudzulana kwa okwatirana.
Ngakhale moyo wanu uli wotanganidwa komanso wotanganidwa chotani, musaleke kukhala ndi chidwi chokhudza wina ndi mnzake ndikukhala ndi chikondi.
Pangani nthawi yocheza limodzi patsogolo - kuseka, kugawana, kucheza, ndi kusamalirana.
Sankhani umodzi mwamachitidwe atsiku ndi tsiku pansipa ndikuti muwakwaniritse tsiku lililonse! Mukudabwa, momwe mungapangire kuti banja liziyenda bwino? Chabwino! Ili ndi yankho lanu.
Miyambo yoti mubwererenso muubwenzi wanu
Zotsatirazi ndizo miyambo inayi yomwe ingakuthandizeni inu ndi mnzanu kuti musalumikizane.
1. Mwambo wokumana tsiku ndi tsiku
Mwambo uwu ukhoza kukhala umodzi mwazofunikira kwambiri zomwe mumapanga monga banja.
Mphindi yofunikira kwambiri paukwati wanu ndi mphindi yakukumananso kapena momwe mumalonjerana tsiku lililonse.
Onetsetsani kuti mukukhazikika, pewani kutsutsidwa, ndipo mverani mnzanu. Zitha kutenga kanthawi kuti muwone kusintha kwakumverera kwanu kwaubwenzi, koma mwambowu ungalimbikitse banja lanu pakapita nthawi.
Tsegulani njira yolumikizirana pomutsimikizira malingaliro ake, ngakhale simukuvomereza.
2. Idyani chakudya limodzi popanda nthawi yophimba
Sizingatheke kuchita izi tsiku ndi tsiku koma ngati mungayesetse kudya limodzi masiku ambiri, mwina mupeza kuti mukudya limodzi nthawi zambiri.
Zimitsani TV ndi mafoni am'manja (osatumizirana mameseji) ndi kuyika mnzanuyo. Uwu ukhale mwayi woti mukambirane zomwe zikuchitika m'miyoyo yanu ndikuwonetsani kuti mumamvetsetsa mwa kunena kuti, "Zikumveka kuti mwakhala ndi tsiku lokhumudwitsa, ndiuzeni zambiri."
3. Sewerani nyimbo yomwe mumakonda kuti musangalale ndi vinyo komanso kuvina
Valani nyimbo zomwe mumakonda, sangalalani ndi kapu ya vinyo kapena chakumwa, ndikuvina ndi / kapena kumvera nyimbo limodzi.
Kupangitsa banja lanu kukhala lofunika kwambiri sikudzabwera mwachibadwa nthawi zonse koma lidzakupindulitsani pakapita nthawi chifukwa mudzakhala olumikizana kwambiri.
4. Tsatirani miyambo yotsatirayi ya tsiku ndi tsiku
Khazikitsani miyambo iwiri yachidule koma yokhutiritsa yomwe imatenga mphindi 30 kapena kuchepera -
- Fotokozerani tsiku lanu mukafika kunyumba mukakumbatirana kapena kukhala pafupi.
- Sambani kapena kusamba limodzi.
- Idyani chotupitsa ndi / kapena mchere womwe mumakonda pamodzi.
- Yendani mozungulira kangapo kuti mupeze tsiku lanu.
Ndiwe wokha wopanga zisankho pano!
Zomwe mumachita mwambo wanu zili ndi inu, kumene. Mu 'Mfundo Zisanu Ndi Ziwiri Zomwe Zimapangitsa Kuti Ukwati Uziyenda Bwino,' a John Gottman amalimbikitsa kuti chizolowezi chogwiritsa ntchito mphindi 15 mpaka 20 patsiku kumachepetsa kukambirana ndi mnzanu.
Momwemonso, zokambiranazi ziyenera kuganizira chilichonse chomwe chili m'maganizo mwanu kunja kwa chibwenzi chanu. Ino si nthawi yokambirana za mikangano pakati panu.
Ndi mwayi wabwino kwambiri kuwonetserana chisoni komanso kuthandizana wina ndi mnzake pamaganizidwe ena. Cholinga chanu sikuthetsa vuto lake koma kungotenga mbali ya mnzanuyo, ngakhale atakhala kuti akuona zinthu zina zosayenera.
Njira yabwino yochitira izi ndikumvetsera ndi kutsimikizira zomwe mnzanuyo akuganiza komanso momwe akumvera ndikufotokozera zomwe timatsutsana nazo. Mukamachita izi, mukupita kukakwatiranso bwino komwe kudzakhale kwanthawi yayitali.