Zamkati
- Zomwe zimachitika pamene kuphatikiza sikukuyenda bwino
- 1. Ana anu obereka amakhala oyamba
- 2. Kambiranani mozama ndi wokondedwa wanu
- 3. Njira yokhazikika yolerera
- 4. Kholo lachilengedwe liyenera kukhala ndi mawu omaliza pakusankha kwa makolo
- 5. Chithandizo chabanja m'banja lathunthu losakanikirana
"Kuphatikiza, kuphatikiza, kuphatikiza". Izi ndi zomwe gal adandiuza yemwe amandipanga makeover. Anali ndi madontho pamaso panga kenako anatenga siponji ndikundipaka kumaso kwanga kuti musakuwone. Kenako adachita manyazi m'masaya mwanga nati, "sakanizani, sakanizani, sakanizani", powona kuti inali njira yofunikira kuti zodzoladzola ziziwoneka zachilengedwe komanso zosalala pankhope panga. Lingaliro ndiloti kusakaniza kuphatikiza mitundu yonseyi ya zodzoladzola kuti nkhope yanga iwoneke yolumikizana komanso yachilengedwe. Palibe mtundu womwe udawonekera ngati kuti sunali pankhope panga. Zomwezo zimachitikira mabanja omwe amaphatikizana. Cholinga chake ndikuti palibe munthu wapabanja amene akumva kuti alibe malo ndipo chifukwa chake zinthu zikuyenda bwino m'banja latsopanolo.
Malinga ndi dictionary.com, mawu akuti kuphatikiza amatanthauza kusakaniza bwino komanso mosagawanika limodzi; kusakaniza kapena kusakanikirana bwino komanso mosagawanika. Per Merriam Webster, tanthauzo la kuphatikiza limatanthawuza kuphatikiza kuphatikiza konsekonse; kutulutsa zogwirizana. Cholinga cha nkhaniyi ndikuthandiza mabanja "kuphatikiza, kuphatikiza, kuphatikiza" ndikukhala ndi njira zina zothandizira njirayi.
Zomwe zimachitika pamene kuphatikiza sikukuyenda bwino
Posachedwa, ndakhala ndi mabanja ophatikizana omwe amabwera kudzandithandiza. Adali makolo amabanja osakanikirana omwe amafunafuna upangiri ndi chitsogozo momwe angakonzere zomwe zawonongeka kuyambira pomwe kuphatikiza sikunachitike bwino. Zomwe ndikuwona ngati vuto lomwe limakhalapo pakuphatikizika ndikulanga kwa ana opeza komanso kuti okwatirana amamva ngati ana awo akuchitiridwa mosiyana komanso mopanda chilungamo m'banja latsopanoli. Ndizowona kuti makolo adzachita mosiyana ndi ana awo momwe amachitira ndi ana omwe akhala makolo awo. Mlangizi wa maubwenzi komanso wothandizira kugonana a Peter Saddington akuvomereza kuti makolo amapereka ndalama zosiyanasiyana kwa ana omwe ndi awo.
Nazi ziwerengero zofunika kuziganizira:
Malinga ndi MSN.Com (2014) komanso Family Law Attorneys, Wilkinson ndi Finkbeiner, 41% ya omwe adayankha akuti sanakonzekere ukwati wawo ndipo sanakonzekere bwino zomwe amaloledwa, pamapeto pake adathandizira kusudzulana. Nkhani zakulera ndi zokangana zidakhala pazifukwa zisanu zakusudzulana pakufufuza komwe Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) idachita mu 2013. Makumi asanu ndi anayi mwa mabanja onse amathetsa mabanja, 41% ya maukwati oyamba ndi 60% ya maukwati achiwiri (Wilkinson ndi Wolemba Finkbeiner). Chodabwitsa ndichakuti, ngati nonse awiri munakwatirana kale, muli ndi mwayi waukulu wosudzulana kuposa 90 mukanakhala banja lanu loyamba (Wilkinson ndi Finkbeiner). Hafu ya ana onse ku United States idzawona kutha kwaukwati wa kholo. Mwa theka ili, pafupifupi 50% awonanso kutha kwa banja lachiwiri la kholo (Wilkinson ndi Finkbeiner). Nkhani yolembedwa ndi Elizabeth Arthur ku Lovepanky.com imati kusowa kwa kulumikizana komanso ziyembekezo zosaneneka zimathandizira kusudzulana 45%.
Zomwe ziwerengerozi zikutibweretsera kukhulupirira ndikuti kukonzekera, kulumikizana komanso malingaliro omwe ali pansipa, akuyenera kuthetsedwa kuti athandize mabanja ophatikizika m'njira yoyenera. Pafupifupi 75% mwa anthu 1.2 miliyoni omwe amasudzulana chaka chilichonse amadzakwatiranso. Ambiri ali ndi ana ndipo kusakanikirana kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kwa ambiri. Limbani mtima, zimatha kutenga zaka 2-5 kuti zikhazikike komanso kuti banja latsopano likhazikitse njira yake yogwirira ntchito bwino. Ngati muli munthawiyo ndikuwerenga nkhaniyi, tikhulupirira kuti padzakhala malingaliro ena ofunikira omwe angathandize kuthana ndi zovuta zina. Ngati mwadutsa nthawi imeneyo ndipo mumafuna kuponya thaulo, chonde yesani malingaliro awa poyamba kuti muwone ngati banja ndi banja lingapulumutsidwe. Thandizo la akatswiri nthawi zonse ndi njira yabwino.
1. Ana anu obereka amakhala oyamba
Muukwati woyamba woyamba ndi ana, wokwatirana akuyenera kukhala woyamba. Kuthandizana komanso kukhala ogwirizana ndi ana ndikofunikira kwambiri. Komabe, pakasudzulana komanso m'mabanja osakanikirana, ana obadwawo amafunika kukhala oyamba (mwa zifukwa, kumene) ndi mnzake wachiwiriyo. Ndikulingalira kuti zomwe zanenedwa ndi zomwe zawerengedwa ndi owerenga ena ochepa. Ndiloleni ndifotokoze. Ana osudzulana sanafunse za chisudzulocho. Sanapemphe amayi kapena abambo atsopano ndipo sanali iwo omwe angasankhe wokwatirana naye watsopano. Sanapemphe banja latsopano kapena abale ena atsopano. Zikhala zofunikira kukhalabe ogwirizana ndi mnzanu watsopanoyo: ana omwe ndiwafotokozere, koma ana obadwa nawo akuyenera kudziwa kuti ndiwo omwe ali patsogolo ndipo ndi ofunika poyerekeza mabanja awiri atsopano limodzi.
Kukhala ogwirizana monga banja ndikofunikira nthawi zonse. Chifukwa chake, pakuphatikizana, komwe kumachitika bwino ukwati usanachitike, zikutanthauza kuti payenera kukhala kulumikizana komanso kukambirana.
Nawa mafunso ofunika kufunsa:
- Kodi tingakhale kholo limodzi bwanji?
- Kodi malingaliro athu monga makolo ndi otani?
- Kodi tikufuna kuphunzitsa ana athu chiyani?
- Kodi mwana aliyense amayembekezera chiyani kutengera msinkhu wake?
- Kodi kholo lobadalo limafuna kuti ndikhale kholo / kulangiza bwanji anawo?
- Malamulo a nyumba ndi ati?
- Kodi ndi malire otani omwe aliyense wa ife m'banja ayenera kukhala nawo?
Mwachidziwikire, ndikofunikira kukambirana mafunso awa tsiku lalikulu lisanafike kuti mudziwe ngati muli patsamba lomwelo ndikugawana zomwezo zaubwana. Nthawi zina pamene okwatirana akukondana ndikupita patsogolo ndikudzipereka kwawo, mafunso awa amanyalanyazidwa chifukwa chongokhala osangalala komanso kukhala ndi malingaliro abwino oti zonse zichitika modabwitsa. Njira zophatikizira zitha kutengedwa mopepuka.
2. Kambiranani mozama ndi wokondedwa wanu
Lembani mndandanda wazikhalidwe zakulera ndi malingaliro anu pakulanga. Kenako gawani mndandanda ndi mnzanu chifukwa ndikutsimikiza kuti zibweretsa zokambirana zofunikira. Kuti kusakanikirana kuyende bwino, ndibwino kukhala ndi zokambirana izi musanalowe m'banja koma moona mtima, ngati kuphatikiza sikukuyenda bwino, kambiranani tsopano.
Gawo lokambirana limabwera pomwe pangakhale kusiyana kwa malingaliro ndi mafunso omwe ali pamwambapa. Sankhani mapiri omwe mudzafere komanso zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri pabanja lomwe likugwira ntchito komanso kuti ana azimva kuti amakondedwa komanso ali otetezeka.
3. Njira yokhazikika yolerera
Nthawi zambiri timakhala ndi njira zathu zakulera zomwe sizitengera ana opeza. Zikhala kwa inu (mothandizidwa ngati pakufunika kutero) kudziwa zomwe mungathe kuwongolera, zomwe simungathe komanso zomwe muyenera kuzisiya. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti pakhale kusasinthasintha kuti ana azimva kukhala otetezeka pamakonzedwe atsopanowa. Kupanda kusinthasintha kumatha kubweretsa kudzimva kukhala wopanda nkhawa komanso kusokonezeka.
4. Kholo lachilengedwe liyenera kukhala ndi mawu omaliza pakusankha kwa makolo
Pamapeto pake, ndikulangiza kholo lobereka kuti likhale ndi mawu omaliza amomwe mwana wawo amaleredwera ndikulangizidwa kotero kuti zimachotsa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo kuchokera kwa kholo loloza kwa mwanayo komanso kuchokera kwa mwana kupita kwa kholo lopeza. Pakhoza kukhala nthawi zina zomwe muyenera kuvomereza kuti musavomereze kenako kholo lobadalo ndiye amakhala ndiweni womaliza wokhudza mwana wawo.
5. Chithandizo chabanja m'banja lathunthu losakanikirana
Kuyankhulana ndi kukambirana zikakhazikitsidwa ndizosavuta kuthandizirana wina ndi mnzake mu njira yakulera ndi kulangiza. Ndizofunikanso kukhala ndi chithandizo chabanja ndi maphwando onse opezekapo. Zimapatsa aliyense mwayi wotenga nawo mbali, kugawana malingaliro ndi momwe akumvera, nkhawa zawo, ndi zina zambiri ndipo zimapanga malo oti azikambirana zakusinthaku.
Ndingalimbikitsenso zotsatirazi:
- Pitirizani kukhala ndi nthawi imodzi limodzi ndi ana anu obereka
- Nthawi zonse pezani china chabwino chokhudza ana opeza ndipo muwafotokozere iwo ndi mnzanu.
- Osanenapo chilichonse cholakwika chokhudza mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu pamaso pa ana.Imeneyo ingakhale njira yachangu yosandukila mdani wa mwanayo.
- Tithandizane mnjira imeneyi. Zitha kuchitika!
- Musathamangire njira yosakanikirana. Sizingakakamizike.
Pumirani pang'ono ndikuyesera malingaliro ena pamwambapa. Funani akatswiri ngati pakufunika kutero ndipo dziwani kuti simuli nokha. Ndikukhulupirira kuti pamene chisudzulo chikuchitika ndipo mabanja ayenera kutha, pali mwayi wophatikiza banja latsopano ndipo pakhoza kukhala chiwombolo ndi madalitso ambiri omwe amapezeka. Khalani otseguka kuti mugwirizane ndikuphatikiza, kuphatikiza, kuphatikiza.