Zamkati
- Kufunika kwa mgwirizano wamalingaliro
- "Ndikulakalaka mnzanga atalankhula nane zambiri."
- Momwe zochitika zam'malingaliro zimapangidwira
- Zomwe zimabweretsa miyala
- Kugwiritsa ntchito kulumikizana kwabwino
Zosintha zosintha zokhudzana ndiubwenzi paubwenzi ndizotsatira zakusintha kwanthawi yayitali, monga kufunikira kwa ntchito, kulera ana, kapena kuwonongeka kwakuthupi. Ndikufuna kukutsimikizirani kuti, ngati mungafunse mayi watsopano kuti asankhe pakati pa amuna awo akuchapa mbale kapena wokondedwa wawo akumupatsa usiku wosaiwalika wogonana, nthawi zambiri amasankha mbale. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa kukhala othandizana ndikutengana munthawi yovuta yaubwenzi ndiye maziko abwenzi lenileni.
Kufunika kwa mgwirizano wamalingaliro
Inde, kutengana komwe kungatheke pokhapokha mutagonana ndi gawo lina lapadera laubwenzi, koma popanda mgwirizano wamaganizidwe, ndizongogonana osati kuchitirana zachikondi.
Mabanja ambiri amabwera kwa ine ali ndi madandaulo osowa kukondana muubwenzi wawo. Pamwamba, wina angaganize kuti akunena za kugonana kwawo. Komabe, ndikawafunsa kuti andiuze chiyembekezo chawo chokwatirana, pafupifupi nthawi zonse amandiuza chimodzimodzi:
"Ndikulakalaka mnzanga atalankhula nane zambiri."
Poyambirira, maubale amangokhudza agulugufe ndi zozimitsa moto, ndichisangalalo komanso kulumikizana kwakanthawi kokomana ndi mnzanu yemwe amafanana ndimabuku anu amakono achikondi. Popita nthawi, tanthauzo la "kukondana" limasintha kwa maanja ambiri. Maanja nthawi zambiri amakhulupirira kuti pafupipafupi kugonana kumatsimikizira momwe amakondera ndi wokondedwa wawo. Adzafanizira momwe aliri pachibwenzi chaposachedwa ndi anzawo komanso omwe amadziwika kuti ndi maiko ena ndipo nthawi zambiri amakayikira ngati ali ndi ubale wokwanira ndi wokondedwa wawo, ngakhale mavuto ena omwe akucitika m'banjamo omwe atha kukhala chizindikiro cha kusokonekera.
Momwe zochitika zam'malingaliro zimapangidwira
Mwachitsanzo, maanja nthawi zina amakumana ndi zovuta pamene wina atha kukhala ndi "chibwenzi" ndi wina kunja kwa banja. Palibe kugonana komwe kumachitika, kungogawana zakukhosi komanso zokumana nazo tsiku ndi tsiku. Komabe, wokondedwa yemwe akukumana ndi kusakhulupirika kotereku muubwenzi wawo atha kumva chisoni ngati kuti wokondedwa wawo wagonana ndi munthu wina.
American Psychological Association inanena kuti kulumikizana ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri paubwenzi wabwino. Ponena zaubwenzi, sikofunika kungokambirana zosowa zathu zakuthupi, koma ndikofunikanso kulankhulana momasuka pazomwe sizikugwira ntchito mbanja, kapena zomwe wokondedwa angafune kuwona zambiri muubwenzi wawo.
Pamene mabanja akukalamba, izi zimakhala zofunikira kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, wokwatirana naye atha kukhala ndi ukalamba wabwinobwino womwe umamupangitsa kuti asamachite zogonana momwe anali kuchitira kale, koma ngati sagawana izi ndi mnzake, mnzakeyo amasiyidwa kuganiza kuti mwina Khalani china mwa iwo chomwe chimapangitsa wokondedwa wawo kukhala wopanda chidwi ndi iwo, kapena mwina kuti wokondedwa wawo ali pachibwenzi ndi wina.
Talingaliraninso "mayi watsopano" ameneyu yemwe tamutchula kale uja. Mwinanso amafunika kuti wokondedwa wake akhale wolimbikira kusamalira banja pomwe akuphunzira kuthana ndi maudindo ake atsopano, koma m'malo molankhula izi, amakhala wokwiya komanso wokhumudwa, poganiza kuti mnzakeyo ayenera kudziwa zomwe akufuna komanso khalani tcheru kwambiri pogawana maudindo apakhomo ndi banja. Othandizana nawo nthawi zambiri amaganiza kuti winayo amangodziwa momwe angawakondweretse, ndipo sachedwa kukwiya pamene zomwe akwaniritsa sizikwaniritsidwa.
Zomwe zimabweretsa miyala
A John Gottman, pulofesa wotuluka ku University of Washington, akhala akuphunzira zaubwenzi wapamtima kwazaka zopitilira makumi anayi. Amanenanso kuti maukwati ambiri amakhala ndi kulumikizana koyipa komwe kumadzetsa kusokonekera kwaubwenzi. Mwachitsanzo, mayi yemwe wangobereka kumene yemwe angafune kuti mnzake amuthandize mnyumba atha kuyamba kunyoza mnzake chifukwa cha zosowa izi. Potsirizira pake, izi zimadzakhala zakudzudzula zakomwe mnzake sanakwaniritse zosowa zake, pomwe zimadzichinjiriza kuchokera kwa wokondedwayo ndikudabwa momwe amayenera kudziwa zomwe zimayembekezereka pomwe sanadziwitsidwepo. Popita nthawi, izi zimayamba kukhala zomwe Gottman amachitcha "miyala yamiyala", pomwe onse awiri amasiya kulumikizana konse chifukwa cha mkwiyo womwe udalipo pakati pa awiriwa chifukwa cha zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa, koma zosanenedwa.
Kugwiritsa ntchito kulumikizana kwabwino
Ndikamagwira ntchito ndi maanja, ndimakonda kuwaphunzitsa momwe angagwiritsire ntchito kulumikizana kwabwino, komwe kumafotokoza bwino zomwe akufuna, m'malo mongodzudzula zomwe akumana nazo zosowa zomwe sanakwaniritse. Mwa kulumikizana kotere, m'modzi mwa omwe ali naye pachibwenzi amafotokoza momveka bwino zomwe amakonda pa zomwe wokondedwa wawo akuchita kale, komanso ziyembekezo zawo zakusintha madera ena komwe angawone momwe ntchito ikuyendera.
Ndikofunikanso kuti mnzake yemwe amalandila kulumikizanaku abwereze, m'mawu awoawo, uthenga womwe adalandira kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wawo, kuti athetse kusamvana komwe kumachitika mwangozi komwe kungasokoneze chibwenzicho. Mwachitsanzo, mayi watsopanoyo angauze wokondedwa wake kuti amasangalala mnzakeyo akamuthandiza kutsuka kukhitchini akudya. Wokondedwayo angamve izi ngati jab pakulephera kwake kuchita izi m'mbuyomu, ndikuzitenga ngati kutsutsa m'malo mongomuyamikiradi. Poyankhula moona mtima kuti wamva izi, mayi watsopanoyo atha kuyambiranso kuyamika kwake chifukwa chothandizidwa ndi mnzake, komanso chisangalalo chomwe amapeza chikachitika.
Chifukwa chake mwachidule, ngakhale kuti kugonana ndi gawo lofunikira paubwenzi uliwonse, ndikofunikanso kuti muzilankhulana bwino.
Potero mutha kukhala ndi zibwenzi zosiyanasiyana zomwe pamapeto pake zimakhazikitsa maziko aubwenzi wathanzi, pomwe anzawo amaphunzira ndikukula limodzi pazabwino komanso zoyipa.