Zamkati
- Kugonana ndikofunikira kwambiri
- Ndiye ndichifukwa chiyani sitimayika patsogolo zogonana?
- Kupeza wokwatirana naye ndizovuta ndi zina
- Kuyankhulana sikofunika kokha, koma ndi maziko
Wolemba nkhani komanso wolemba nkhani zanyumba Dan Savage akuti "manda aubwenzi ali ndi miyala yamanda yomwe imati" zonse zinali zabwino ... kupatula kugonana '".
Kupeza bwenzi logonana nalo ndikofunikira kwambiri, mwinanso kosafunikira, kuposa zina zonse zaubwenzi zomwe timaganizira kwambiri. Anthu azipwetekedwa chifukwa chopeza mnzawo yemwe ali ndi malingaliro ofanana andale, achipembedzo, komanso mabanja. Ngati mukufunadi ana ndi omwe mukufuna kukhala naye pachibwenzi satero, ndiye kuti nthawi zambiri kumakhala kosavuta komanso kosadzimva mlandu kwa anthu ambiri. Nanga ndichifukwa chiyani ngati muli ndi chilakolako chogonana kwambiri ndipo mnzanu yemwe ali naye pachibwenzi ali wotsika kwambiri, anthu ambiri safuna kulingalira kuti angaphwanyenso malonda?
Kugonana ndikofunikira kwambiri
Pafupifupi banja lililonse lomwe limandipatsa ine mchitidwe wanga limakhala ndi vuto losagonana. Ndimauza okwatirana onse kuti kugonana ndi "canary mu coalmine" yamaubwenzi: pamene chiwerewere chikuyipa, nthawi zambiri chimakhala chonenetsa china chake chomwe sichili bwino m'banjamo.
Mwanjira ina, kugonana koyipa ndi chizindikiro, osati matenda. Ndipo mosalephera, ubale ukasinthidwa ndiye kuti kugonana "kwamatsenga" kumathandizanso. Nanga bwanji ngati kugonana sikukuyenda bwino, koma kumakhala koyipa nthawi zonse?
Anthu okwatirana nthawi zambiri amathetsa banja chifukwa chosagonana.
Kuyanjana kwakugonana ndikofunikira kwambiri pakukhala bwino kwa ubale kuposa momwe zimaperekedwera. Anthu amafunikira kugonana, kugonana ndikofunikira kuti tikhale osangalala. Ngati maanja sakukwanilitsa zofuna za wina ndi mzake zogonana, kusakhutira mbanja ndi chodziwikiratu. Koma gulu lathu lapanga zogonana kukhala zoseketsa ndipo maanja apeza kuti kusokonekera kwa chiwerewere ndi chifukwa chothetsera banja lawo, ndikuchititsa manyazi.
Ndiwulemu kwambiri kuuza ena (ndi omwe adafufuza) kuti zatha "ndalama" kapena "amafuna zinthu zosiyana" (zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhala zogonana kapena zabwino) kapena chinthu china chodziwika bwino. Koma mwa zokumana nazo zanga, sindinakumanepo ndi banja lomwe linali kutha kwenikweni chifukwa cha ndalama, nthawi zambiri amathetsa banja chifukwa chosagwirizana
Ndiye ndichifukwa chiyani sitimayika patsogolo zogonana?
Zambiri mwazo ndizachikhalidwe. America idakhazikitsidwa ndi Oyeretsa, ndipo zipembedzo zambiri zimachititsabe manyazi komanso zimawasala, onse m'banja komanso kunja kwaukwati. Makolo ambiri amanyazitsa ana chifukwa chogonana komanso maliseche. Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula nthawi zambiri kumawonedwa ngati vuto, ngakhale kuti achikulire ambiri amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula nthawi ndi nthawi, ngati sichoncho. Zokambirana zomwe zilipo pakadali pano molunjika monga njira zakulera zikuwonetsa kuti America ikuvutika kukhala omasuka ndi mbali zathu zakugonana. Kungonena kuti "kugonana" ndikokwanira kuti achikulire ena azichita manyazi kapena kusunthika pamipando yawo.
Chifukwa chake, sizosadabwitsa kuti anthu nthawi zambiri amachepetsa zofuna zawo zogonana komanso mulingo wa libido yawo (mwachitsanzo, kuchuluka kwa kugonana komwe mukufuna). Palibe amene amafuna kuti awoneke ngati wopotoza panjira yakugonana. Chifukwa chake kugonana kumaonedwa ngati chinthu chachiwiri kapena ngakhale chapamwamba, ngakhale zili zina mwazifukwa zazikulu zakusokonekera ndi kusudzulana m'banja.
Kupeza wokwatirana naye ndizovuta ndi zina
Kusalidwa ndi manyazi zikutanthauza kuti anthu samakhala omasuka nthawi zonse kufotokoza zakugonana kapena chilakolako chawo. Anthu nthawi zambiri amatha zaka, ngakhale zaka makumi ambiri, osafotokozera za kugonana kapena kugonana kwa anzawo, ndikudzipereka kukakhala kosakhutira mpaka kalekale.
Kusiyanasiyana kwa mulingo wa libido ndikudandaula kwambiri. Koma izi sizovuta nthawi zonse momwe zimawonekera. Ndi chofala kuti amuna nthawi zonse amafuna kugonana, komanso kuti amayi sangasangalatsidwe ("osachedwa" momwe amatchulidwira kale). Apanso, pakuchita kwanga sizolondola konse. Ndimagawano pakati pa amuna ndi akazi omwe amayendetsa bwino zogonana, ndipo nthawi zambiri okalambawo, amakhala otheka kukhala mkazi yemwe sakhutira ndi kuchuluka kwa kugonana komwe banjali likugonana.
Ndiye chingachitike ndi chiyani ngati mwayamba chibwenzi chomwe simukugwirizana kwenikweni, koma simukufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho?
Kuyankhulana sikofunika kokha, koma ndi maziko
Muyenera kukhala okonzeka kugawana zomwe mukufuna ndi zokhumba zanu, makinki anu ndi zibwenzi zanu, ndi mnzanu. Nyengo. Palibe njira yoti mukhale ndi moyo wogonana ngati wokondedwa wanu sakudziwa zomwe mukufuna ndikulakalaka, ndipo mukukana kuwadziwitsa. Anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi zibwenzi zachikondi amafuna kuti okondedwa awo akwaniritse, kukhala osangalala, komanso kukhala okhutira ndi kugonana. Zowopsa zambiri zomwe anthu amakhala nazo poulula zachiwerewere zimakhala zopanda nzeru. Ndayang'ana pakama panga (kangapo) munthu akuvutika kuti auze wokondedwa wawo za kugonana, kungoti mnzakeyo awauze motsimikiza kuti angasangalale kuchita izi, koma samadziwa kuti zinali china chomwe chimafunidwa.
Khalani ndi chikhulupiriro mwa mnzanu. Adziwitseni ngati simukukhutira ndi kuchuluka kapena mtundu wa kugonana komwe muli nako. Inde, nthawi zina wina samasunthika, ndipo amakana zenizeni kuti atsegule kapena kusintha ziwonetsero zawo zogonana. Koma izi ndizosowa, komanso mawonekedwe omwe muyenera kudziwa za bwenzi lanu posachedwa.
Lankhulani nokha. Nenani zokhumba zanu. Apatseni mnzanu mwayi wokwaniritsa zosowa zanu. Ngati izi sizigwira ntchito, ndiye kuti njira zina zitha kufufuzidwa.