Zamkati
- Zinenero Zachikondi 5
- Momwe zilankhulo zachikondi zingasokonezere ubale wanu
- Njira yabwino yogwiritsira ntchito zilankhulo zachikondi
Ndinali ndi mphindi yayikulu pomwe ndidayamba kuwerenga buku la 'The 5 Love Languages' lolembedwa ndi Gary Chapman. Ndili ndi amuna anga, ndinkakonda kumuwuza momwe ndimaganizira kuti anali wabwino ndikumamutamanda kwambiri.
Amazikonda, ndipo tinaseka kuti tsiku lina sadzatha kutulutsa mutu wake pakhomo chifukwa kudzikonda kwake kudzakhala kwakukulu.
Kumbali inayi, ndinazindikiranso kuti gawo lina la ine limamva chisoni pang'ono chifukwa sindinkawoneka kuti ndimalandiridwa ndi iye.
Zinenero Zachikondi 5
Bukuli lakhazikika pamalingaliro akuti timakonda okondedwa athu momwe tikufunira kuti tiwalandire. Pakafukufuku yemwe adachitika pachitsanzo cha Chapman's Language Language, zidapezeka kuti mabanja omwe ali ndi mgwirizano wazilankhulo zachikondi samakonda kunena zipsinjo.
Komabe, mavuto amatha kubwera chifukwa momwe timafunira kuti tilandire chikondi sichimakhala chilankhulo choyambirira cha wokondedwa wathu, ndichifukwa chake nthawi zina timamva kuwawa kapena kukanidwa.
'Zinenero Zachikondi 5' zidanditsimikizira kuti ndakhala ndikugwiritsa ntchito chilankhulo changa choyambirira chachikondi ndi amuna anga, ndipo awa anali 'Mawu Otsimikizira.'
Kodi zilankhulo 5 zachikondi ndi ziti:
- Mawu Otsimikizira
- Kukhudza Thupi
- Machitidwe Ogwira Ntchito
- Nthawi Yabwino
- Mphatso
Nthawi zambiri, timakhala ndi njira ziwiri zosonyezera chikondi chomwe timakonda kugwiritsa ntchito chomwe chimabwera mwachibadwa kwa ife.
Ngati simukudziwa kuti ndi iti mwa zilankhulo zachikondi zomwe zili pamwambapa, ndiye kuti mutha kudziwa zambiri mwa kuganizira mafunso awiri otsatirawa:
- Kodi njira yayikulu iti yomwe mumakonda kukondera wokondedwa wanu ndi yotani?
- Kodi mungakonde kulandira chikondi chochuluka kuchokera kwa mnzanu (kuti mwina simukupeza momwe mungakonde)?
Posakhalitsa idakhala nthabwala pakati pa ine ndi mwamuna wanga. Nthawi iliyonse ndikamuthokoza mwamuna wanga, zimamveka kuti anenenso zabwino.
Zopangika pang'ono mwina, koma anali mwayi wabwino kwa iye kuti azolowere kuyankhula chilankhulo changa.
Nthawi zina amayiwalabe chifukwa sizinabwere mwachibadwa kwa iye, kotero ndimamupatsa chidwi ndikumuphethira ngati kuti, 'ndi nthawi yako tsopano!'
Nthabwala pambali, izi zidathandizira kuchepetsa 'kufunikira' kwanga kuti anene zinthu zabwino kwa ine ndipo potero adandilimbikitsa kuti ndisiye kuyang'ana kwa iye kuti 'andipulumutse' kapena andipatse chikondi ndendende nthawi komanso momwe ndimafunira.
Tikamachita izi mu ubale wathu, imatha kukhala njira yokhumudwitsika komanso kulimbana.
Momwe zilankhulo zachikondi zingasokonezere ubale wanu
Ngakhale mutaphunzira zilankhulozi ndipo mnzanu amadziwa bwino momwe mumakondera kulandira chikondi, chimachitika ndi chiyani akakanika kukupatsani chikondi momwe 'mumafunira'?
Ngati sitisamala, titha kupita pakudzudzulidwa ndikudzudzulidwa chifukwa wokondedwa wathu walephera kukwaniritsa chiyembekezo chathu kuti atha kukwanitsa zosowa zathu chifukwa choti ali ndi chidziwitso.
Kupangitsa mnzathu kukhala ndiudindo pamalingaliro athu ndimasewera owopsa. Potero, sitingakhale ndi udindo wathu wonse pamalingaliro athu kapena kudzikonda tokha.
Titha kukhala otanganidwa nthawi zonse kufunafuna chikondi kunja kwathu, komwe kumatha kukhala kosungulumwa komanso kowawa.
Njira yabwino yogwiritsira ntchito zilankhulo zachikondi
Izi sizikutanthauza kuti zilankhulo sizothandiza. Ndikofunikira kuti muzigwiritsa ntchito mozindikira. Ngati tingathe kuchita izi, atha kugwiritsidwa ntchito kuthandizira kulumikizana kwakuya komanso kutithandizira kuti tidziwonetse tokha moona mtima komanso mosabisa.
Ufulu wowona muubwenzi wathu ndi pomwe anthu awiri amatha kumva kukondedwa ndi kulandiridwa chifukwa cha zomwe amachita, kulankhulana bwino.
Chifukwa chake, tingagwiritse ntchito bwanji ziyankhulo kuti tithandizire ubale wathu m'malo molimbana nawo?
- Fotokozerani nokha moona mtima ndikukhala ndiudindo wathunthu pazomwe mukufuna
Kukumbutsa mnzanu chilankhulo chachikondi sichinthu choyipa. Ndikosavuta kuti moyo utenge, ndipo ngati si njira yokhayo yomwe mnzanuyo akukuyankhirani, amatha kuiwala kapena kutayika mdziko lawo.
Ndikupangira kunena momveka bwino komanso mwachidule zomwe mukufuna. Mwachitsanzo, ngati chilankhulo chanu chachikondi chimakhudza thupi ndipo mukukhala ndi chidwi choti wokondedwa wanu azikhala ndi thupi lanu, mutha kunena kuti, "Ndingakonde mutandipukuta mapazi kapena kundikumbatira."
Popanda kudzilungamitsa kapena kunena zolephera zawo; mutha kutsata china chake ngati "Ndimakonda mukamachita zomwe zimandipangitsa kuti ndizimva kulumikizana komanso kukondedwa, mukuganiza bwanji?"
Nthawi zonse aloleni kuti anene chifukwa ayenera kukhala ndi mwayi wowona ngati angathe kukuthandizirani munthawi yochepa.
Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kukonza nthawi ndi malo, m'malo mongomva kuti mwadzidzidzi ayenera kusiya chilichonse panthawi yomwe angakhale atapanikizika kale.
- Dzipatseni nokha Chilankhulo Chachikondi!
Nthawi imeneyo, tidziwona tokha tikumva kuwawa kapena kukanidwa chifukwa choti bwenzi lathu kulibe, kaya mwamalingaliro kapena m'maganizo, ndikofunikira kuphunzira kudzipatsa tokha chikondi chomwe tikulakalaka.
Uwu ndi mwayi wolankhula Chilankhulo chanu chachikondi ndikudzipereka kwa inu nokha: lankhulani nokha pogwiritsa ntchito mawu otsimikizira (mawu obvomereza) kapena khalani ndi nthawi yopuma kuti musangalale ndikusangalala ndi china chake chomwe chimakupangitsani kuti muzimva kukoma (ntchito kapena nthawi yabwino).
Mwanjira imeneyi, timadziphunzitsa tokha kudzitonthoza ndi kudzikonda tokha mopanda malire, osadalira magwero akunja kuti timve okondedwa.
- Bweretsani malingaliro anu
Ngati mukupeza kuti mukudzudzula wokondedwa wanu mkati kapena kunja chifukwa chosakupatsani chikondi molingana ndi chilankhulo chanu chachikondi, dziwani kuti mukamachita izi, mukuwonetsa zosowa zanu zosagwirizana ndi mnzanu.
Ngakhale pakhoza kukhala chowonadi pakuyerekeza mwachitsanzo, mnzanuyo sangakuganizireni momwe angathere; ndikofunikira kudzifunsa funso ili: 'sindikuganizira mnzanga kapena ine ndekha?'
Ntchito yobwezera chiwonetserochi itithandizanso kukulitsa kuzindikira kwathu momwe sitikukwaniritsa zosowa zathu. Zimatithandizanso kukonza ndikuthana ndi zowawa zathu zam'mutu, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimachokera kuzopweteka zakale zomwe sizikugwirizana kwenikweni ndi zomwe anzathu akuchita.
Ziyankhulo Zachikondi mosakayikira zitha kukhala chida chothandiza kukulitsa chikondi ndi kulumikizana muubwenzi wathu wachikondi.
Komabe, nthawi zonse ndibwino kukumbukira kuti ngati timawagwiritsa ntchito kufananitsa ndikupeza mfundo zotsutsana ndi mnzathu, timakonda kuwona zofooka zawo m'malo mowapatsa malo oti aziwonetsera mwa iwo okha, mwachikondi.
Mwa zomwe ndakumana nazo, pomwe titha kusiya mnzathu kukhala wangwiro, timakhala ndi ufulu wochuluka muubwenzi wathu, motero timakhala ndi mwayi wokula, kuvomereza, komanso chikondi chenicheni kwa aliyense payekhapayekha.