Zamkati
- Kudzudzula
- Kunyoza
- Kudziteteza
- Tiyeni tiwone zomwe zili pansipa ngati chitsanzo:
- Kupanga miyala
- Kuchuluka kwamatsenga achikondi ndi 5: 1
- Kupanga kuyesetsa kuyang'ana pazabwino m'malo moipa
- Onjezerani kulumikizana kwachikondi ndi mnzanu
Takhala tikukhulupirira kuti kugwirizana ndi chinthu chimodzi chokha chomwe chingapangitse chifukwa chomwe maukwati amapambana kapena kulephera.
Komabe, uku ndikulingalira molakwika.
Kuwona kuchuluka kwa anthu omwe asudzulana kuyenera kukupangitsani kuganiza kuti 'Kodi pali zambiri m'banja kuposa kuyanjana chabe?' Kodi pali zinthu zinanso zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mabanja azitha bwino kapena kusokonekera?
Kafukufuku wambiri wachitika paukwati komanso momwe angapangire kuti maanja agwire ntchito zomwe zapeza kuti pali zinthu zambiri zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mabanja azigwira ntchito. Chifukwa maubale ndi ovuta monganso iwo eni. Zambiri mwa kafukufukuyu adatsogozedwa ndi, Dr John Gottman.
Dr John Gottman akuwerengedwa kuti ndiamphamvu yothandizila maukwati kuti athe kuneneratu ukwati wa awiriwo ngati ungayende bwino kapena kulephera. Mwa mtundu umodzi wamayeso ake, angafunse maanja kuti amenye.
Dokotala akufunsa maanja kuti amenye. Ndizosamvetseka bwanji, chabwino? Zapadera monga momwe zingawonekere, kuwona maanja pa nthawi ya nkhondo kumawulula zisonyezo zofunika kwambiri zomwe zathandiza kulimbitsa kafukufuku wapaukwati.
Ukwati suli nyengo yadzuwa lokha ayi, umakumananso ndi moyo wanu, munyengo yamkuntho yayikulu kapena yaying'ono.
Mikangano siyithawika ngakhale ubale uli wa dzuwa bwanji
Zotsatira zakufufuza kwakutali kwa Gottman zidawulula mayankho otsatirawa chifukwa chomwe maukwati amapambana kapena kulephera:
Kugwira Ntchito pamahatchi Anai a Apocalypse
Malinga ndi baibulo, okwera pamahatchi anayi a Apocalypse ndi omwe amatsogola kapena ziwonetsero zakumapeto kwa nthawi.
Izi zidalimbikitsa monga olosera za chisudzulo a Dr John Gottman, omwe ndi:
Kudzudzula
Kudzudzula ndi njira yothandiza kuwongolera machitidwe osayenera kapena mayendedwe. Mukamaliza bwino, mbali ziwirizi zikwaniritsa kumvana komwe kungapindulitse onse. Chifukwa chake, kuphunzira luso lodzudzula ndi luso lofunikira lomwe onse awiri ayenera kuphunzira.
Pali njira yoti wina aperekere chipongwe popanda kukalipira kapena kupangitsa mnzanu kuti azimva kunyozeka.
Dr John Gottman akuwonetsa kuti mmalo moloza zala kwa mnzanu kudzera mu mawu oti "ndinu ...", yambani kunena "Ine" Tiyeni tiwone zitsanzo ziwirizi:
Simumathandiza nawo pakhomo kapena ndi ana. Ndiwe waulesi kwambiri! ”
“Zimandipweteka chifukwa cha kuchuluka kwa ntchito zapakhomo komanso kusamalira ana. Kodi mungandithandizeko? ”
Kuyang'anitsitsa ziganizo zomwe zili pamwambapa kumatha kuwona momwe awa awiri aliri osiyana. Chigamulo choyamba ndi chomwe chimamveka ngati chodzudzula komanso chotsutsa: "Simumakhala .. ndinu aulesi!". Koma, ngati tiwona chiganizo chachiwiri, tikuwona kuti wolankhulayo akugawana zomwe zikuwachitikira osadzudzula mnzake.
Kunyoza
Tikaganizira za maubwenzi apabanja, nthawi zambiri timaganizira za ubale womwe anthu awiri amakondana kwambiri. Sikovuta kuti musaganize za maukwati motere, ndipotu, mudasankha kukhala ndi munthuyu moyo wanu wonse.
Sitingaganize kuti kunyozedwa ndi chinthu chomwe chingakhale pachibwenzi, sichoncho? Koma mwachiwonekere, tikulakwitsa. Ngakhale zitaipa bwanji, kunyoza nthawi zina kumalowa ngakhale kudzera mu ubale wolimba.
Ndi kunyoza, mnzake wanena kapena amachita zinthu zomwe cholinga chake ndi kukhumudwitsa mnzake.
Mnzanu mmodzi akhoza kuwonetsa kapena kuyankhula modzichepetsa kwa mnzake kuti amupangitse kudziona kuti ndi wosayenera.
Ngakhale munthu atakhala ndi chifukwa chotani chochitira chipongwe, ziyenera kuyimitsidwa kaye ukwati usanathe. Kunyoza ndiko kuneneratu kwakukulu chifukwa chake maukwati amapambana kapena kulephera. Izi zikuwonetsedwa mwazinthu izi:
- Chilankhulo chotukwana: wabodza, woyipa, wotayika, wonenepa, ndi zina zambiri
- Ndemanga: "Inde? Ndili ndi mantha kwambiri tsopano ... Kwambiri! ”
- Nkhope: kugubuduza maso, kunyoza, ndi zina zambiri
Ngati chibwenzi chanu chadzaza ndi ulemu, ndibwino kugwiritsa ntchito ulemu, kuyamika, ndi kuvomereza wokondedwa wanu m'malo mongoyang'ana mikhalidwe yoipa ya mnzanuyo.
Kudziteteza
Psychology imatiuza kuti pali njira zambiri zomwe timagwiritsa ntchito kudziteteza. Pali njira zosiyanasiyana zodzitchinjiriza zomwe zimatsika pakukana mpaka kusewera.
Muubwenzi, timagwiritsa ntchito njira zodzitetezera izi kuti tidzichotse paudindo pazomwe zikuchitika.
Zachisoni, ndikudzitchinjiriza, mfundo yakutsutsana siyimveka yomwe imapangitsa mnzake kupwetekedwa, osavulala, komanso kusakondedwa.
Kudzitchinjiriza m'mabwenzi kumawoneka ngati mnzake akukana kwathunthu udindo wawo. Izi zimawapangitsa kukhala akhungu pazotsatira zomwe zabweretsa kwa wokondedwa wawo.
Tiyeni tiwone zomwe zili pansipa ngati chitsanzo:
Ellie: "Mwati tikudya chakudya chamadzulo ndi a Carter Lamlungu. Mwaiwala? ”
John: “Sindinavomerezepo zimenezo. Chifukwa chiyani mumangotitsimikizira kuti tikupezekapo pomwe simunandifunse. Mukutsimikiza kuti ndayankha kuti inde? ”
Mwa chitsanzo chathu, Ellie akuyesera kutsimikizira ndi amuna awo kuti apita kukadya chakudya chamadzulo. Komabe, a John adadzitchinjiriza atakumana, ndikuimba mlandu Ellie (Chifukwa chiyani mumangotitsimikizira kuti tikupezekapo pomwe simunandifunseko?), Ndipo mwinanso nkuyatsa pang'ono.
Kudzitchinjiriza kumawonekanso pamene mnzanu wina ayamba kudandaula pomwe madandaulo a mnzake sanathetsedwe. Khalidwe lomwe titha kunena kuti ndikudandaula. M'chitsanzo chathu pamwambapa, John adakweza madandaulo ake pomwe Ellie anali kuyesera kudzikweza yekha.
Asanalankhule pokangana, anzawo amalimbikitsidwa kuti abwerere ndikupuma. Yesetsani kukhazika mtima pansi ndikudzifikitsa ku chidziwitso pomwe mutha kuwona kuti mnzanu sakukutsutsani. M'malo modzitchinjiriza, mvetsetsani, ndikumvera chisoni.
Ngati mwachita chinachake cholakwika, tengani udindo. Mukhale ndi cholakwacho ndikupepesa chifukwa cha icho.
Kupepesa kulakwitsa sikuchotsa udindo wa cholakwikacho, koma, kumalola mnzanu kuwona kuti mutha kuwona zolakwa zanu komanso kuti ndinu ofunitsitsa kupita patsogolo limodzi ndi kukhululuka.
Kupanga miyala
Chodziwikiratu kapena chifukwa chomwe maukwati amapambana kapena kulephera ndi njira yolimba kwambiri yodzitetezera yotchedwa miyala yamiyala.
Ndikumanga miyala, mnzakeyo amachoka kwathunthu ndikuzilekanitsa kwathunthu kuti asonyeze kusavomereza.
Stonewalling ndi njira yodzitchinjiriza yomwe amuna amagwiritsa ntchito. 85% ya amuna mu kafukufuku wa Dr John Gottman, kunena molondola. Zinapezeka kuti nthawi zambiri amuna amachita izi chifukwa amuna samakonda kuvulaza akazi awo.
Kuyala miyala ndikosavuta pakuchita mkangano, makamaka. Komabe, monga wokondedwa, m'malo momangirira mwala mnzanuyo, funsani mwaulemu mnzanuyo malo ndikumutsimikizira kuti mudzabwerenso.
Izi zimamveka bwino kuposa kumva zitseko zikumenyedwa, sichoncho?
Kuchuluka kwamatsenga achikondi ndi 5: 1
Kodi mumadziwa kuti pali chiŵerengero cha matsenga ndi chikondi? Kuchuluka kwamatsenga ndi 5: 1.
Chikondi, ndiye, si 1: 1; kuti mukhale ndiubwenzi woyenera, onetsetsani kuti ndi 5: 1, ndikuyika machitidwe achikondi asanu pakukumana konse kolakwika.
Zachidziwikire, amenewo amangokhala olimbikira, aliyense payekha. Ngati mutha kumangapo nthawi zachikondi limodzi ndikuchepetsa zokumana nazozo, banja lanu lidzakhalako kwanthawi yayitali.
Kupanga kuyesetsa kuyang'ana pazabwino m'malo moipa
“Ndimakonda mwamuna wanga, koma, nthawi zina sindimamukonda.”
Mawuwa amangotipempha kuti tifunse kuti anganene bwanji chonchi? Kodi mungakonde bwanji munthu wina osamukonda nthawi yomweyo?
Yankho likhoza kukhala loti mkazi wachitsanzo akuyang'ana kwambiri pazolakwika m'malo mochita zabwino.
Mu maubwenzi, mikangano ndi mikangano ndizabwinobwino, ndipo nthawi zina izi zomwe zimachitika muubwenzi wathu zimatipangitsa kukhala kovuta 'kukonda' mnzathu.
Chikondi nchofunika. Chikondi ndichomwe chimapangitsa maubale kupilira. Chikondi ndi chomwe chimatithandiza kuvomereza mnzathu. Kukonda, kumbali inayo, kumakhala kovuta makamaka ngati okwatirana akhala akumenya nkhondo zovuta zambiri.
Kukonda ndi gawo lofunikira laubwenzi ngakhale mutakhala m'banja zaka zambiri. Kukonda winawake kumalola, mumawona zabwino za mnzanu.
Chifukwa chake musayime pomwe ndimakukondani. Kuganizira zabwino za mnzanuyo kudzakuthandizani kukumbukira momwe mudakondera nawo poyamba.
Onjezerani kulumikizana kwachikondi ndi mnzanu
Ngati mumadziwa bwino zilankhulo zisanu za David Chapman, ndiye kuti, kumva mawu oti "Chikondi chiri m'zochita" sikudzakhala kwachilendo kwa inu. Koma ngati sichoncho, kusonyeza chikondi kwa mnzanu ndi chimodzi mwazomwe zimamanga banja lopindulitsa.
Kutsuka mbale mukatha kudya. Kutulutsa zinyalala. Kudzuka kuti agonetse mwanayo. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati 'ntchito,' koma ndizoposa ntchito wamba. Izi ndi zinthu zomwe zimawonetsa kuti mumakonda mnzanu. Kuwathandiza panyumba kungatanthauze zochulukirapo ndipo kuyenera kuyamikiridwa.
Kuyamikira ndi chinthu china chachikondi chomwe okwatirana angathe kuchitirana.
Pakafukufuku, kuyamika kunapezeka kuti ndikofunikira monga kukonda komanso kukonda. Pogwiritsa ntchito kuthokoza, titha kuzindikira zabwino za mnzathu; ndipo kuzindikira kotere kumapita kutali. Kuyamika ndi chinthu chomwe chimathandiza kuti banja lanu likhale lolimba, komanso losangalatsa.
Thokozani mnzanuyo ndikuwona momwe ubale wanu udzakhalire wosiyana.
Zinsinsi zopangitsa banja lanu kukhala lolimba sizimangodalira chinthu chimodzi kapena mmodzi.
Ubale, ndi mawu omwewo, ndikubwera pamodzi kwa anthu awiri omangidwa ndi chikondi ndi kuvomereza.
M'banja, ndiye kuti, nkofunika kugwirira ntchito limodzi pothetsa kusamvana, ndipo monga momwe chithunzi ichi chikusonyezera, kuphunzira kumenya nkhondo mosakondera osagwiritsa ntchito aliyense wa okwera pamahatchi anayi- kumenya popanda kudzudzula, kunyoza, kudzitchinjiriza, komanso kuponya miyala.
Ndizofunikanso kuyesetsa kuyang'ana pazabwino zaubwenzi wanu komanso za mnzanu; kuphunzira kumanga kuchokera nthawi zabwino kwambiri kuteteza banja lanu pakafika nthawi zoyipa kwambiri.