Zamkati
“Mabanja achimwemwe amafanana; banja lililonse losasangalala limakhala losangalala mwa njira yake. ” Momwemonso buku la Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina. Tolstoy sanafotokoze momwe mabanja alili achimwemwe, chifukwa chake ndasankha kumchitira izi, kutengera kafukufuku wanga monga psychoanalyst.
Nazi zina mwa zinthu zisanu zomwe maanja akusangalala nawo. Zachidziwikire, kuti akhale ndi mikhalidwe imeneyi, onse awiriwa ayenera kukhala athanzi.
1. Zabwino ckutulutsa
Mabanja achimwemwe amalankhulana. Amanena zakukhosi kwawo m'malo mochita izi. Iwo samanama, osanyengerera, kunamizana, kunenezana, kumenya wina ndi mnzake, kuthamangitsana wina ndi mnzake, kuyankhula za wina ndi mnzake kumbuyo kwawo, kudzichepetsa kwa wina ndi mnzake, kulankhulana, kulakwitsa, kuiwala tsiku lawo lokumbukira tsiku limodzi, kukalirana , kutchulana maina, kutchulana ziwanda, kapena kuchita zinthu zosiyanasiyana zomwe mabanja osasangalala amachita.
M'malo mwake, ngati ali ndi vuto amakambirana. Amakhala ndi chidaliro komanso kudzipereka komwe kumawalola kuti adzipangitse kukhala pachiwopsezo pogawana zowawa zawo ndikudziwa kuti zopwetekazo zidzalandilidwa mwachifundo. Kulumikizana kwa mabanja omwe alibe chimwemwe kumayenera kuwongolera. Kuyankhulana kwa mabanja achimwemwe ali ndi cholinga chothetsera kusamvana ndikukhazikitsanso kuyandikana ndi chiyanjano. Mabanja achimwemwe samadera nkhaŵa za amene ali woyenera kapena wolakwika, chifukwa amadziona ngati chinthu chimodzi, ndipo chofunikira kwa iwo ndikuti ubale wawo ndiwolondola.
2. Kudzipereka
Mabanja achimwemwe amadzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake. Ngati ali okwatirana, amatenga malumbiro awo aukwati mozama ndipo onse ali odzipereka chimodzimodzi kwa wina ndi mnzake popanda wina aliyense, koma, kapena kuwonerera. Kaya ali okwatira kapena ayi, ali ndi pangano lolimba lomwe silisunthika konse. Kudzipereka kumeneku ndi komwe kumabweretsa bata muubwenzi ndipo kumapereka mphamvu kwa onse kuthana ndi zovuta ndi zovuta zomwe ubale uliwonse ungadutse.
Kudzipereka ndi guluu lomwe limakhazikitsa ubale. Mavuto aliwonse omwe mnzanu akukumana nawo, inu mulipo. Sipadzakhala ziweruzo, popanda kuweruza, kapena kuwopseza kuti achoka kapena asudzulana. Zinthu zotere sizikudziwika. Kudzipereka kulipo monga maziko okhazikika, olimba omwe amasunga ubalewo.
3. Kulandila
Banja losangalala limalandirana momwe alili. Palibe amene ali wangwiro ndipo ambiri aife ndife opanda ungwiro. Mabanja achimwemwe amavomereza zolakwa za wina ndi mnzake chifukwa amatha kuvomereza zolakwa zawo. Ichi ndichinsinsi: kuti muvomereze ena momwe alili muyenera kudzilandira momwe mulili. Chifukwa chake ngati mnzanu amakonda kuda nkhawa, kunyoza, kuchita chibwibwi, kulankhula kwambiri, kulankhula pang'ono, kapena kufuna kuchita zogonana mopitirira muyeso, mumavomereza zinthu monga zododometsa, osati zolakwika.
Mabanja omwe alibe chimwemwe amaganiza kuti amadzilandira momwe alili, koma nthawi zambiri amakana. Amatha kuwona kachitsotso m'diso la wokondedwa wawo, koma osati mtandawo mwa iwo eni. Chifukwa amakana zolakwa zawo, nthawi zina amawadziwitsa anzawo. “Si ine amene ndikubweretsa mavuto, iwe ndiwe!” Akamakana kwambiri zolakwa zawo, amakhalanso osalekerera zolakwa za anzawo. Mabanja achimwemwe amadziwa zolakwa zawo ndipo amawakhululukira; chifukwa chake amakhululuka ndikuvomera zolakwa za anzawo. Izi zimabweretsa ubale wokhala ndi ulemu.
4. Kukhumba
Mabanja achimwemwe amakondana wina ndi mnzake. Ubale wawo ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri m'miyoyo yawo. Kulakalaka zogonana ndichinthu chomwe chimatha kubwera, koma kukondana wina ndi mnzake komanso ubale wawo sikupitilira. Mabanja ambiri amayamba kukondana nthawi yachisanu, koma chilakolako choterechi chimachepa penapake. Kukondana ndi kukondana wina ndi mnzake, monga kukonda kuchita zosangalatsa, ndichinthu chomwe chimapilira nthawi yachisanu.
Chilakolako ndicho chomwe chimapatsa ubale mphamvu yake. Kudzipereka popanda kukhumba kumabweretsa ubale wopanda pake. Kudzipereka ndikulakalaka kumabweretsa ubale wokwaniritsidwa. Chisoni chimakulitsidwa ndi kulumikizana kwabwino. Banja likamagawirana moona mtima ndi kuthana ndi mikangano, kuyandikana ndi kukondana kumakhala kosalekeza. Kulakalaka kumapangitsa ubale kukhala watanthauzo komanso wamoyo.
5. Chikondi
Ndizachidziwikire kuti banja losangalala ndi banja lokondana. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti banjali limakondana. Kugwa mchikondi nthawi zambiri kumakhala kopanda thanzi kuposa chinthu chopatsa thanzi. Shakespeare wotchedwa kukondana ndi mtundu wina wamisala. Ndikukonzekera, kutengera zosowa zamankhwala, zomwe sizingathe. Chikondi chathanzi ndichinthu chomwe chimachitika molumikizana ndi mawonekedwe omwe atchulidwa pamwambapa: kulumikizana kwabwino, kudzipereka, kuvomereza ndi chidwi.
Chiyambi chathu cha chikondi ndi ubale wathu ndi amayi athu. Kukhulupirirana ndi chitetezo chomwe amatipangitsa kumva kuti ndi chikondi. Chikondi sichimaperekedwa kudzera m'mawu, koma kudzera muzochita. Momwemonso, tikakhala ndi chidaliro komanso chitetezo ndi mnzathu m'moyo kwanthawi yayitali, timakhala ndi chikondi chosatha. Chikondi chosatha ndiye chikondi chomwe chimapangitsa moyo kukhala wosangalatsa.