Zamkati
A John Gottman, wofufuza maubwenzi odziwika padziko lonse lapansi, anali ndi chidwi chofuna kumvetsetsa zomwe zimapangitsa maubwenzi ena kugwira ntchito pomwe ena amalephera.
Chifukwa chake, Gottman adaphunzira okwatirana kumene 600 pazaka 6. Zotsatira zake zikuwonetsa zofunikira pazomwe tingachite kuti tiwonjezere kukhutira ndi kulumikizana muubwenzi wathu ndi zomwe timachita kuti tiwononge.
Gottman adapeza kuti kusiyana pakati pa maubale omwe amakula bwino (ambuye) ndi omwe satero (masoka) akukhudzana kwambiri ndi momwe amayankhira kupemphedwa kuti awasamalire. Kodi kukopa chidwi ndi chiyani?
Gottman amatanthauzira kuyitanitsa chidwi ngati kuyesera kulikonse kuchokera kwa mnzanu kupita kwa wina kutsimikizira, kukonda kapena kulumikizana kulikonse.
Ma bids amawonetsedwa m'njira zosavuta - monga kumwetulira kapena kuphethira - komanso munjira zovuta, monga kufunsa upangiri kapena thandizo. Ngakhale kuusa moyo kungakhale mwayi wofuna chidwi. Titha kunyalanyaza zopereka (kutembenukira kwina) kapena kukhala achidwi ndikufunsa mafunso (kutembenukira).
Mabidi ambiri amakhala ndi mawu ongoza omwe akukamba za zomwe mzanu akufuna. Simuyenera kukhala owerenga malingaliro, muyenera kungokhala ndi chidwi ndikufunsa mafunso kuti muwone. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzake wofuna chidwi ati, "Hei, kodi sizingakhale zosangalatsa kuphunzira Salsa kuvina?" ndipo mnzakeyo ayankha kuti, Ayi, sindimakonda kuvina ... ”mnzakeyo akuchoka pampikisano wofuna chidwi.
Kuphatikizaku ndikofunikira kwambiri pakucheza limodzi kuposa ntchito yovina. Chifukwa chake, mwina yesani, "Ndikulakalaka ndikadakonda kuvina, koma sinditero ... kodi tingachite zina palimodzi?"
Ngati mungapeze chidwi ndi izi, ichi ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mnzanuyo ndiwosamala nthawi yayitali. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti pali cholakwika pamachitidwe awo, zikutanthauza kuti simukuwasamalira. Simukusowa yankho la momwe mungachitire ndi omwe akufuna chidwi, muyenera kuzindikira cholinga cha mnzanu kuti muchite chidwi ndikukwaniritsa.
Gottman adapeza kuti maanja omwe amakhala limodzi (ambuye) amatembenukira kumalipiro a 86% ya nthawiyo, pomwe omwe sanakhale limodzi amatembenukira ku bids kuti azisamalira 33% yokha ya nthawiyo. Kafukufuku wake amathandizira zomwe timawona muofesi tsiku lililonse. Mikangano, mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo sizimakhudzana kwenikweni ndi nkhani zazikulu, koma zimakhudzana kwambiri ndi kusapeza ndikupereka chidwi chomwe chimafunikira muubwenzi kuti chikule bwino ndikupulumuka.
Koma nanga bwanji ngati onse awiri atenga mozama anzawo omwe apempha kuti awasamalire ndikuwapanga kukhala patsogolo kuzindikira ndi kuchitapo kanthu? Bwanji ngati atapanga maluso osavuta kuti azindikire zopezera ndalama, ndi njira zosavuta zosinthira?
Malinga ndi a Gottman, padzakhala zisudzulo zochepa komanso kukhala osangalala, ogwirizana komanso athanzi!
Momwe mungasamalire bwenzi lofunafuna chidwi ndikukwaniritsa zosowa zawo
- Khalani pansi limodzi ndikulemba mndandanda wamomwe mumapangira kuti mupemphe chidwi. Imodzi pa nthawi, zindikirani njira yodziwika bwino yomwe mungadziwonere kuti mukufuna kupereka chidwi kwa wokondedwa wanu. Pitilizani kupita kumbuyo ndi mtsogolo mpaka simungaganize za njira ina iliyonse.
- Sabata ikubwerayi, pitani kokasaka mayankho omwe mungalandire kuchokera kwa mnzanu. Sangalalani .. khalani osewera ... funsani mnzanu, kodi izi ndi chidwi?
- Kumbukirani kuti kutembenukira kumalonda sikutanthauza kuti inde kwa mnzanu. Kutembenukira kumatanthauza kuzindikira anzanu akufuna chisamaliro kapena chithandizo, ndikuchikwaniritsa mwanjira ina. Mwina zachedwa, monga “Sindingathe kuyankhula pano chifukwa ndili pakati pa ntchito, koma ndingakonde kuchezerana nanu mtsogolo. Kodi tingachite izi madzulo ano? ”
- Ngati mnzanu akusowa mwayi woti mumusamalire, m'malo mokhumudwa kapena kuipidwa, adziwitseni kuti inali njira yosamalirira. Momwemonso, mnzanu akatchula zomwe mwaphonya, tengani nthawi yofunsa mafunso ndikuyankha.
- Chofunika kwambiri, sungani mopepuka, sangalalani, ndipo dziwani kuti kukulitsa chizolowezi chotsamira pamabizinesi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zabwino kwambiri komanso zothandiza zomwe mungachite pachibwenzi chanu.
Olembawa akuyenera kukuthandizani kuzindikira ndikukwaniritsa zomwe mnzanu akufuna. Izi sizingolimbitsa ubale wanu, izi zithandizanso kukulitsa luso lolumikizana ndi ubale wanu.