Zamkati
- Pumulani pakati pa maubale
- Lekani zakale
- Phunzirani momwe mungakhalire ndi zibwenzi moyenera
- Kuphatikiza malingaliro ndi malingaliro
Kodi ndinu bambo amene mukufuna chikondi?
Mamiliyoni a amuna pompano, padziko lonse lapansi akufunafuna chikondi.
Akuyang'ana "bwenzi langwiro," ena amatinso "mnzake. "
Koma 90% ya ife tikusunthira molakwika pankhani yopeza msungwana woyenera.
Ndiye timachita chiyani, timasankha bwanji wokwatirana naye yemwe ndi woyenera kwa ife?
Kwa zaka 30 zapitazi, wolemba, mlembi, komanso mtumiki woyamba kugulitsa kwambiri David Essel akhala akuthandiza amuna kumvetsetsa za chikondi, mphamvu ya chikondi, ndi momwe angasakire bwenzi loyenera.
Pansipa, David amalankhula zakufunika kuti muchepetse ndikutsata njira ndi ziphunzitso zake kuti amuna athe kupanga mtundu wachikondi chomwe angafune.
"Popeza amuna amawoneka bwino m'chilengedwe, nthawi zambiri timapitilizabe kuyang'ana za mawonekedwe a mnzathu amene tikufuna kukhala naye poyerekeza ndi china chilichonse.
Timalakwitsa zomwezo mobwerezabwereza pakufuna kwathu kolondola.
Zowonadi zake, monga phungu, ndili ndi makasitomala anga achimuna omwe akufunafuna chikondi kuti apange zolimbitsa thupi zomwe timazitcha machitidwe am'mbuyomu.
Ndizosavuta; zomwe amachita ndikulemba za munthu aliyense yemwe adakhalapo pachibwenzi naye, zovuta zomwe zidali pachibwenzi, komanso udindo wawo pakukanika kwa kuyesaku.
Ndine 99% ya nthawiyo; zomwe makasitomala anga amapeza ndikuti akhala akuthamangitsa cholakwika nthawi yonseyi.
Sanapite patali mokwanira, kapena mwina sanatenge nthawi yokwanira pakati paubwenzi, kapena mwina akukhalabe m'dziko lopatsa chidwi lomwe munthu wangwiro adzafika ndikukhalitsa zonse zikhale bwino.
Ambiri mwa makasitomala anga achimuna samazindikira kuti anali mpulumutsi, gulu loyera pa kavalo, kufunafuna azimayi oti apulumutse, kufunafuna azimayi omwe amafunikira thandizo lazachuma kapena kulera ana kapena ntchito yawo.
Ndipo amuna ambiri amalowetsedwa mu vortex yomweyo, nkhope zosiyana, ndi mayina osiyanasiyana koma ubale wamisala womwewo wosagwira ntchito wodzazidwa ndi zisokonezo komanso sewero lomwe akhala moyo wawo wonse.
Ndiye mungasankhe bwanji mnzanu mwanzeru?
Otsatirawa ndi maupangiri okuthandizani kupewa zolakwa zomwe abambo amapanga muubwenzi ndikusankha bwenzi lomanga nalo banja lomwe likukuyenererani.
Pumulani pakati pa maubale
Pamapeto pa chibwenzi, konzekerani zopumira miyezi isanu ndi umodzi.
Izi zikutanthauza kuti palibe chibwenzi; ngati muli ofunitsitsa kukondana kwambiri, zimatanthauza kugwira ntchito ndi mlangizi waluso, mtumiki, kapena wothandizira ubale, kuti mudziwe zomwe ndikugawana m'nkhaniyi.
Kodi gawo lathu ndi lotani pakulephera kwa maubwenzi achikondi?
Lekani zakale
Mutazindikira ntchito yanu ndikuti mupitilize kupita patsogolo.
Kodi ndinu aukali chabe, kodi mumangolamulira m'chilengedwe, ndinu okonda kusamba ndipo mumapita kulikonse komwe mnzanu akufuna kupita.
Pambuyo pozindikira zonsezi, tiyenera kutero khululukirani mnzanu aliyense takhala nawo m'mbuyomu ngati zidatha bwino.
Izi ndizofunikira! Ngati simudutsa mu njira yokhululukirana (palibe chochita ndi inu kukumana pamodzi ndi omwe munali nawo zibwenzi) ndi kumasula mkwiyo uliwonse womwe muli nawo, mudzakhala ndi malingaliro osokonekera muubwenzi wanu wotsatira, womwe sugwira ntchito bwino.
Onerani mawu amtunduwu pa Momwe mungasunthire, musiye & musiye zakale m'mbuyomu.
Phunzirani momwe mungakhalire ndi zibwenzi moyenera
M'buku lathu logulitsa kwambiri, "Zinsinsi za chikondi ndi ubale. Kuti aliyense ayenera kudziwa!
Ndi ntchitoyi, ndili ndi amuna kuti alembe zomwe amawona ngati "opha anzawo" mwachikondi.
Ndipo mndandandawo ukhoza kukhala wautali ndithu, koma timayesetsa kuti muchepetse mpaka pakati pa zisanu ndi chimodzi ndi khumi zomwe mukudziwa kuti sizinagwirepo ntchito m'mbuyomu poyesa kusankha bwenzi lodzakhala naye pa moyo.
Ichi ndichifukwa chake timalemba zonse zokhudzana ndi maubale akale, ndipo ngati sizinagwire ntchito, ndiye kuti mwina sizigwiranso ntchito mtsogolomo.
Kuphatikiza malingaliro ndi malingaliro
Ena mwa makasitomala anga achimuna, akachita zochitikazi, amapeza zodabwitsa kwambiri, ambiri aiwo safuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi amayi omwe ali ndi ana, koma ngati atayang'ana njira yawo yakale yachikondi amakhala pachibwenzi ndi akazi omwe ali ndi ana.
Amuna ena azindikira kuti ayenera kusankha wokondana naye yemwe angasangalale ndi zina zomwe amakonda, osati onse ayi, koma akufuna mtundu wina wofananira womwe ungapangire kunja kwa chipinda chogona.
Monga ndikuwuza makasitomala anga onse, m'masiku 90 oyambira chibwenzi, ngati mugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro, monga lamulo la 3% la zibwenzi, komanso kuzindikira kwamalingaliro kusankha bwenzi lodzakhala naye moyo:
"Munthuyu ndiwofunika kuwonekera pa nthawi yake, nthawi zonse amachita zomwe amati azichita ... Zimandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wapadera kwa iwo".
Muli ndi mwayi wabwino kwambiri wopeza bwenzi labwino.
Koma muyenera kumvetsera mkati mwa masiku 90 oyamba!
Ambiri a ife timakonda kwambiri kugonana, osowa zogonana, kuchita zogonana kuti zitsimikizire kuti ndife amuna kotero kuti sitimayika nthawi kuti tiwone zomwe anthu omwe tili nawo pachibwenzi ali nawo, zomwe sizingakhale zoyenera ife.
Kotero ngati mutayang'ana maubwenzi anu akale ndikuwona kuti mudakhalapo ndi akazi omwe amafunikira thandizo lazachuma, tiyenera kuyimitsa izi.
Ngati mudakhala pachibwenzi ndi akazi m'mbuyomu omwe ali ndi ana, ndipo mukudziwa kuti simukufuna kuthana ndi ana, tiyenera kumaliza nthawi yocheza iyi isanayambike miniti yomwe tikupeza kuti ali ndi ana.
Kapenanso mwina ndinu bambo yemwe mukufuna banja, ndipo m'masiku 90 oyambirira, mumamva ndikutsimikiza kuti mkazi amene muli naye pachibwenzi sakufuna kukhala ndi ana. Inu muyenera kuti muzithetse izo.
Mukuwona, uku ndikuphatikiza kwa malingaliro ndi malingaliro omwe angakupatseni mwayi wabwino wosankha bwenzi lodzakhalira naye ndikupanga chibwenzi chakuya, chotseguka, chopitilira.
Ngati mumachita masewera, ndipo zimakutengerani nthawi yochuluka, lingakhale langizo labwino kuti mudzipatseni nthawi musanadzipereke kaye pachibwenzi mpaka mutasankha mnzanu wamuyaya yemwe ali ndi chidwi pang'ono mu masewera.
Sindikunena kuti muyenera kusankha bwenzi lomanga nalo lomwe ndi chithunzi chagalasi lanu, koma muyenera kulemba zinthu zomwe sizinagwirepo ntchito m'mbuyomu, ndipo onetsetsani kuti simukuzibwereza.
Mwina simungakhale pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene amasuta, komabe mumayang'ana zakale, ndipo azimayi awiri kapena atatu omwe mudakhala nawo pachibwenzi anali osuta, ndipo chibwenzicho chidatha.
Chibwenzi chanu sichidzatha konse ngati muli otseguka, owona mtima, olankhulana, ndipo mukudziwa zomwe zikukuthandizani komanso zomwe sizikugwirani ntchito.
Mawu omaliza
Amuna ambiri, okhumudwa ndi chikondi, amatha kuchepetsa kukhumudwa kwawo ndi 90% potsatira zomwe zanenedwa pamwambapa.
Pangani mndandanda wazinthu zomwe sizingakuthandizeni zomwe ndizofunikira; ndilo lamulo la 3% la chibwenzi.
Kenako pangani mndandanda wazomwe mungafune kukhala ndi munthu wina; zokonda zawo zitha kukhala zamasewera, zachipembedzo, kapena ntchito. Muyenera kukhala ndi zambiri kuposa kungogonana.
Ndipo onetsetsani kuti kugonana ndikoyenera, kulondola, ndipo ndikofanana nonse.
Chikondi chiri pano; ngati mukuchifuna, muyenera kumachedwetsa kuti mupeze.
Ntchito ya David Essel ikuvomerezedwa ndi anthu monga malemu Wayne Dyer, ndipo wotchuka Jenny Mccarthy akuti, "David Essel ndiye mtsogoleri watsopano wa gulu loganiza bwino."
Ntchito yake ngati phungu komanso mtumiki yatsimikiziridwa ndi Psychology Today, ndipo Marriage.com yatsimikizira David ngati m'modzi mwa alangizi othandizira maubwenzi komanso akatswiri padziko lapansi.
Kuti mugwire ntchito ndi David, kulikonse kudzera pafoni kapena pa Skype, chonde pitani ku www.davidessel.com.