Zamkati
Awiri omwe ndawalangiza posachedwa, Tonia ndi Jack, onse azaka makumi anayi, adakwatiranso zaka khumi ndikulera ana awiri, ali ndi mizukwa kuchokera kumaubwenzi awo am'mbuyomu yomwe imakhudza kulumikizana kwawo.
M'malo mwake, Tonia akuwona kuti zovuta zomwe anali nazo muukwati wake woyamba nthawi zina zimamupangitsa kuti asamuwone Jack mpaka adaganiza zothetsa banja lawo.
Tonia akuwonetsa kuti: "Jack ndiwokonda kwambiri komanso wokhulupirika koma nthawi zina ndimakhala ndi nkhawa kuti atopa ndimavuto anga onse ndikungochoka. Zili ngati ndikudikirira kuti nsapato inayo igwetse chifukwa yemwe wakale adandisiya ndipo ndili ndi nkhawa zambiri zakuti tidzatha. Timakangana pazinthu zopusa ndipo tonse timayesetsa kutsimikizira kuti tikunena zowona. Izi zimabweretsa mikangano yoopsa ndikuyesana kuti tionane. ”
Kulimbirana mphamvu
Bizinesi yomwe sanamalize yomwe Tonia amafotokoza imatha kubweretsa zopweteketsa mtima komanso kulimbana pakati pa iye ndi Jack.
Onse akhazikika pakukhulupirira kuti akunena zowona ndipo akuyesera kutsimikizira mfundo. Zotsatira zake, ndikofunikira kuwonetsetsa kuti akumva wina ndi mnzake komanso kuti ayankhe m'njira yomwe ikuwoneka ngati "yovomerezeka" kwa onse awiri.
Malinga ndi kunena kwa Dr. A John ndi a Julie Gottman, alemba Science of Couples and Family Therapy “Onse awiriwa ayenera kugwira ntchito kuti athandize ena kuti apange chidaliro. Yankho silipatsidwa kuti titenge, limangopatsidwa kuti lipereke. ” Kuti Tonia ndi Jack azimva kukhala otetezeka mokwanira kukhulupirirana, kutenga nawo mbali mu mgwirizano wowona pomwe onse akupeza zosowa zawo (koma osati zonse), ayenera kusiya kuyesayesa kutsimikizira kuti akunena zowona ndikuthana ndi mavuto.
Tonia akunena motere: "Ngati ndingakhale pachiwopsezo cha Jack osadandaula zakakhala ndekha kapena kukanidwa, zinthu zimayenda bwino kwambiri. Amadziwa kuti ndili ndi zovuta zondisiya zomwe zimandilepheretsa kumuuza zomwe ndikufuna kuchokera kwa iye. Popeza mkazi wake woyamba adamusiya kuti akakwatire mwamuna wina, ali ndi mavuto ake ndi chidaliro. Tonse timaopa kukondana pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana. ”
Mukupanga Ukwati Wosavuta, Dr. Harville Hendrix, ndi Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt akuwonetsa kuti kusamvana kwa zotsutsana ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri kwa mabanja omwe akuchiritsa mabala aubwana. Ikhoza kuwapatsa mphamvu kuti athe kuchiritsa "malo osaphika" kuchokera kumaubwenzi am'mbuyomu.
Koma ngati amvetsetsedwa ndikuchitiridwa moyenera, kulimbirana mphamvu kumatha kupatsa mphamvu maanja kuthana ndi mavuto ndipo kumatha kukhala kulumikizana kwamphamvu komanso kulimba mtima ngati banja.
Dr. Harville Hendrix ndi a Helen LaKelly Hunt akufotokoza kuti, "Kulimbirana mphamvu nthawi zonse kumawonekera" Chikondi cha Achikondi "chitatha. Ndipo monga "Chikondi Chachikondi", "Kulimbana Ndi Mphamvu" kuli ndi cholinga. Kugwirizana kwanu pamapeto pake ndi komwe kumapangitsa banja lanu kukhala losangalatsa (mukangomaliza kufunikira kokhala chimodzimodzi). ”
Ukwati wothandizana
Ngati banja lanu ndi mgwirizano woona womwe umakuthandizani kuti mukule monga banja komanso payekha, ungakuthandizeni kuthetsa kusamvana. Banja lamtunduwu limatheka ngati mukugwirizana ndi wina, khalani odzipereka kuvomereza zosiyana za wina ndi mnzake ndikukula limodzi.
Kukhala ndi umagwirira komanso kuyanjana ndi munthu m'modzi ndizotheka. Chemistry ndikulumikizana kwamaganizidwe kapena kwamaganizidwe pakati pa anthu awiri ndipo kumatha kupangitsa banja kukhala lokondana komanso lokondana.
Kugwirizana kumatha kufotokozedwa ngati kulumikizana kovomerezeka ndi mnzanu yemwe mumamukonda. Mumakonda komanso kumalemekeza kuti ndi ndani komanso momwe amadzithandizira kudzera mdziko lapansi.
Kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi, timakonda kudziwonetsera tokha ndikuwona zabwino za anzathu. Koma nthawi yapaukwati nthawi zonse imatha, ndipo kukhumudwa kumatha kuyambika. Mnzanu wokuthandizani amakuthandizani kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe sizingachitike, zosintha nthawi zonse pomwe zovuta zanu zimawululidwa komanso kusamvana kumayamba.
Chemistry imatha kukuthandizani kuthana ndi zovuta za moyo, koma kuyanjana kumakuthandizani kukhazikitsa zolinga ndikupeza tanthauzo logwirizana muubwenzi wanu. Masiku ano, maanja ambiri amayesetsa kukhala ndi "Mgwirizano Wokwatirana" - banja lomwe limaposa munthu aliyense - lodziwika ndi maanja omwe amathandizana wina ndi mnzake kukula ndikukula pakukula.
Malinga ndi Hendrix ndi LaKelly Hunt, kuchira kwa mabala aubwana ndi komwe kuli "Mgwirizano Wokwatirana." Mabanja omwe ali ndi zibwenzi amatha kuthana ndi mavuto am'mabanja ndipo amapewa kudzudzulana akasemphana maganizo.
M'malo mwake, pamene okwatirana asamvana, amayenera kuyang'ana kulumikizana kwakukulu ndi kuthandizana wina ndi mnzake. Mwanjira imeneyi, awiriwo atengere mbali yaumwini munthawi yamavuto m'malo mongolozelana zala kapena kuyesetsa kukhala ndi mphamvu kapena kuwongolera.
Mwachitsanzo, Jack akufuna kuti adzamalize maphunziro ake mu bizinesi ndipo akudziwa kuti pamapeto pake Tonia angafune kutsegula sukulu yaying'ono yabizinesi yapadera yothandizira ana omwe ali ndi autism komanso mavuto ena aubwana.
Kuti akwaniritse zolingazi adzafunika kuti azigwirira ntchito limodzi ngati gulu kuti azithandizana komanso ana awo awiri kuti azikwaniritse.
Jack ananena motere: “Ndalakwitsa zambiri m'banja langa ndipo ndikufuna kusiya kuyang'anitsitsa pazolakwika ndi Tonia ndikukonzekera zolinga zathu zokhala ndi moyo wabwino limodzi. Nthawi zambiri tikayamba kukangana, ndichifukwa choti tonsefe timakhala ndi zovuta zakale zomwe zimakhudza momwe timachitira zinthu ndi anzathu. ”
Kuganizira za kukhala achifundo makamaka mukamakumana ndi mavuto m'banja mwanu kapena kukwatiranso kumatha kukhala ndi malo abwinopo pomwe nonse mungakule bwino. Khoka lotetezerali lingathandize kupititsa patsogolo kukondana komanso kumvetsetsa popanda opambana ndi otayika (palibe amene apambane). Chibwenzicho chimapambana pamene nonse mupanga yankho munthawi yaubwenzi wokondana.
Tiyeni timalize ndi mawu odabwitsa a wolemba Terrence Real: "Lamulo: Ubwenzi wabwino siamene timapewa ziwalo zathu zosayenerera. Ubwenzi wabwino ndi womwe amawasamalira. Ndipo ubale wabwino ndi womwe amachiritsidwa. ”