Zamkati
- 1. Kulimbana ndi matsenga
- 2. Ngati mukuyenera kugwira ntchito molimbika, ubale wanu umayamwa
- 3. Kuyankhulana ndi abwenzi kapena abale za ubale wanu ndikofunika
- 4. Nthawi zonse sankhani nkhondo zanu
- 5. Kukwatiwa kapena kukhala ndi mwana
- 6. Muyenera kusintha kwa wokondedwa wanu ngati mukuwakonda
- 7. Mukataya mphamvu, ubale umatha
- 8. Atha kukhala osakhala omwewo ngati samvetsetsa
- 9. "Ngati ziyenera kukhala, zidzachitikadi”
- 10. Ngati mukufuna chithandizo cha maanja, ndizochedwa kuti musunge chibwenzi chanu
Ndondomeko yomwe timagwiritsa ntchito poyang'ana maubwenzi athu ndi zomwe taphunzira kuchokera kwa makolo athu, atolankhani, zomwe anthu amasankha kutiwonetsa pamasamba ochezera komanso zomwe takumana nazo m'mbuyomu. Magwero awa amapanga lingaliro lathu la momwe ubale "wabwino" umawonekera, umatsogolera zochita zathu, ndikukhazikitsa zoyembekezera za mnzathu komanso za ubale wathu. Nthawi zina, timaganiza kuti zambiri mwazinthuzi ndi zabwinobwino, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kutuluka munjira yoyanjana yoyipa.
Ndabwera ndi mndandanda wazikhulupiriro khumi zomwe anthu ambiri amakhulupirira; koma osadandaula, ndimasiya miyala ingapo kuti ndimasulire mfundoyo!
1. Kulimbana ndi matsenga
Ndimauza maanja anga muntchito yanga yangayekha nthawi zonse, kumenya nkhondo kuli bwino, koma ndimomwe mumamenyera. Khulupirirani kapena ayi pali njira yabwino yomenyera pochita zokambiranazo moona mtima osatinyozana. Kumbukirani kuti simungathe kubweza mawu kapena momwe mumapangitsira wina kumva. Izi zibweretsa kukhulupirirana mtsogolo ndipo onse awiri adzamanga makoma pamene adziteteza wina ndi mnzake. Kumbukirani kuti nonse muli mgulu limodzi. Gwiritsani ntchito malingaliro a "ife-ness" osati "me-ness". Ubale waubwenzi, Kafukufuku wa Dr. John Gottman awonetsa kuti kupumula kwa mphindi 20 panthawi yankhondo kungakuthandizeni kukhazika mtima pansi. Limbikitsani mphamvu zanu pochita zina monga kupumula monga kuyenda.
2. Ngati mukuyenera kugwira ntchito molimbika, ubale wanu umayamwa
Ndizosatheka kutenga kulimbikira kunja kwa maubale. Ngati simugwira ntchito yolumikizana bwino, ndi nthawi yochepa kuti chibwenzicho chiwonongeka. Maubale onse osangalala amafuna ntchito.
3. Kuyankhulana ndi abwenzi kapena abale za ubale wanu ndikofunika
Mukadandaula pagulu lakunja za chibwenzi chanu, zimabweretsa mavuto atsopano. Ganizirani za zomwe mukuwauza - makamaka ngati zomwe mukunena sizodwala kuti zitsimikizike kapena kumva bwino za inu nokha. Anzanu kapena abale anu sangakuthandizeni pa ubale wanu. Choyipa chachikulu, zimatha kubweretsa kuonera.
4. Nthawi zonse sankhani nkhondo zanu
Muyenera kukhala otetezeka mumtima kufotokoza momwe mumamvera ndi china chake ndipo simuyenera kusankha ndi kusankha nthawi yoti munene. Ngati pali china chake chomwe chidakupangitsani kumva [lembani mawuwo], nenani zimenezo. Ngati mnzanu akuwona kuti malingaliro ake alibe kanthu, sangalimbikitsidwe kuti atsegule kapena kumva mbali yanu. Matsengawa amachitika pamene onse awiri akumvetsetsa kuti atha kuyamba kugwirira ntchito limodzi kuti apeze zomwe angagwirizane. Kumbukirani: pakusamvana kulikonse nthawi zonse pamakhala malingaliro awiri ndipo onse ndi ovomerezeka. Nyalanyazani zowonadi m'malo mwake muziyang'ana kumvetsetsa momwe mnzanu akumvera.
5. Kukwatiwa kapena kukhala ndi mwana
Izi zithandizira kuti mavuto amu ubale wanu atheretu. Amandipangitsa kuseka ndikunyansidwa nthawi iliyonse ndikamva izi. Monga kumanga nyumba, maziko anu ayenera kukhala olimba musanayambe kuganiza za utoto wopaka makomawo. Maziko oyambira ubale amakhala ndi zinthu monga kudalirana, ulemu, komanso momwe mumamvera kuti mnzanuyo akhoza kukwaniritsa zosowa zanu. Ngati zinthuzi sizili bwino, ndikhulupirireni, palibe ukwati kapena mwana amene angakonze. Nthawi zambiri, nthawi zosintha (mwachitsanzo kubadwa kwa mwana kapena ntchito yatsopano) zimapangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wosatetezeka.
6. Muyenera kusintha kwa wokondedwa wanu ngati mukuwakonda
Mvetsetsani kuti tikayamba chibwenzi, ndi lamulo la "buy as is". Mumalandira zomwe mukuwona. Osakonzekera kusintha wina. Muyenera kungofuna kuti mnzanu asinthe pazabwino, monga momwe akuwalimbikitsira, kukwaniritsa zolinga zawo pamoyo kapena kukhala moyo wathanzi. Chibwenzi chanu chiyenera kukhala cholimbikitsira kuti mukhale munthu wabwino. Si chilungamo komanso kukakamiza mnzanu kuti asinthe.
7. Mukataya mphamvu, ubale umatha
Ngakhale kugonana ndi kukondana ndizofunikira muubwenzi, zimatha ndipo zimayenda. Moyo umachitika, tikhoza kukhala titatopa usiku womwewo, kutopa ndi ntchito, kapena kusamva kutentha kwambiri, komwe kumatha kuchepetsa libido yanu. Onse awiriwa sakhala okhazikika nthawi zonse zikafika pankhaniyi. Musaganize kuti pali vuto ndi inu chifukwa mnzanuyo sanali mumkhalidwewo. Munthawi izi, musayese kunyengerera wokondedwa wanu kuti akhale wapamtima ndipo musawachite manyazi, m'malo mwake, mvetsetsani zomwe zikuchitika ndikuyesera kuthetsa vutoli ndikukhalirana moleza mtima. Izi zikunenedwa, mvetsetsani kuti izi zimachitika, koma osalola kuti ubale wanu uvutike ndi zovuta zathu zatsiku ndi tsiku.
8. Atha kukhala osakhala omwewo ngati samvetsetsa
Ngati mnzanu sakudziwa zomwe mukufuna kapena momwe mumamvera, siolondola. Palibe amene amawerenga. Lankhulani! Ndiudindo wanu kufotokozera okondedwa anu zosowa zanu kuti akhale ndi mwayi wozikwaniritsa. Cholakwika chomwe anthu ambiri amachita ndikufotokozera momwe akumvera. Mawu awa atha kutsegula tiyi wa mphutsi. M'malo mwake, khalani achindunji monga momwe mungathere ponena kuti, "Ndikufuna mausiku okondana kumapeto kwa sabata iliyonse, chidwi chanu nthawi yamasana athu, ndikundidabwitsa ndi maluwa kangapo pachaka". Izi zimapatsa mnzanu malangizo ndipo sizimusiya mpata wosamvetsetsa zosowa zanu.
9. "Ngati ziyenera kukhala, zidzachitikadi”
Kapena "ngati munthu apitilira b.s. zikutanthauza kuti amakukondani ”. Tiyeni tikhale owona mtima, chikondi sichokwanira kuti tikhale ndi ubale wabwino, wokwanitsidwa. Ubale umagwira ntchito (kodi ndanena zokwanira?) Ndi ndalama. Ngati onse awiri sali okonzeka kapena ofuna kuchita zomwe zili mtsogolo, ikhoza kukhala nthawi yabwino kuwunikiranso gawo lanu muubwenzi. M'mabanja ambiri, makamaka mwana akabadwa, kutaya mtima kwaubwenzi kumangokhalira kukondana ndipo amasiya kupatula nthawi yoti agonane, kukhala pachibwenzi, kusangalala komanso kusangalala. Ngati simusamala, maubale amatha kukhala ndi mndandanda wazinthu zambiri zokambirana ndi zokambirana zimangokhala paudindo wanyumba kapena zokhudzana ndi ana. Ndimalimbikitsa maanja anga kuti azipeza nthawi yocheza ndi anzawo komanso kuti asataye chidwi cha izi.
10. Ngati mukufuna chithandizo cha maanja, ndizochedwa kuti musunge chibwenzi chanu
Pali 40-50% ya mabanja osudzulana ku United States. Banja wamba amadikirira zaka 6 asadafune chithandizo pamavuto awo okwatirana. Poipiraipira, theka la maukwati onse omwe amathera amatero m'zaka 7 zoyambirira. Anthu ambiri ali ndi malingaliro akuti "ngati sakusweka, osakonza. Ndipo ikasweka, osalankhula ndikuchepa chifukwa sindine wamisala. ” Chithandizo cha maanja ndi chothandiza kwambiri ndipo kulowererapo koyambirira ndibwino (ndipo simukufuna kukhala nawo pagulu la anthu 50% omwe asudzulana chaka chino).
Ubale uliwonse ndiwopadera ndipo uli ndi zovuta zake, zovuta zake, komanso kupambana kwake. M'machitidwe anga othandizira ndimathandiza makasitomala kumvetsetsa kuti ndizopanda tanthauzo kuyerekezera ubale wawo ndi zomwe akuganiza kuti maubwenzi ena ali, mwachitsanzo chifukwa simukudziwa zomwe zimachitika mobisa. Zomwe zimagwirira ntchito ubale umodzi, sizingagwire ntchito ina. Yang'anani pa mgwirizano wanu ndikuzindikira zovuta ndi zolimba, kenako yambani kugwira ntchito yopanga maziko oyenera.