Zamkati
- 1. Lankhulani mwachindunji za zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva kuti amakukondani ndi kukusamalirani
- 2. Kuthetsa kusamvana posachedwa
- 3. Dziwani bwino
- 4. Limbikitsani zabwino
- 5. Mvetserani mwatcheru
- 6. Pangani ndikugawana maloto anu achitetezo pachibwenzi
- 7. Fufuzani ziyembekezo zogonana
- 8. Zindikirani momwe zinthu zinalili kale
Mabanja onse akuwoneka kuti akufuna chinthu chomwecho kuchokera ku maubwenzi apamtima. Amafuna kudzoza, kulumikizidwa komanso kusangalala kukhala limodzi. Ambiri amadziwa kuti "kukondana" sikokwanira. Zimatengera zizolowezi zabwino ndikudzipereka kuti muchite izi.
Anthu akafika kwa Katswiri Wokwatirana, nthawi zambiri amakhala osalumikizidwa komanso osungulumwa. Akuganiza kuti chikondi chapita kuti kapena sanangosankha munthu wolakwika kuti amukonde. Atha kukhala otsekerezana pamakangano owoneka ngati osatha ndikukangana.
Nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti kudziko lamasiku ano, pali zinthu zambiri zothandizira maanja omwe akufuna kusintha ubale wawo. Pali zolemba zosawerengeka, mabuku, zokambirana ndi ma blog ndi akatswiri ophunzitsidwa bwino pankhani zachikondi ndiukwati. Mabanja achichepere akubwera ku Therapy Asanakwatirane mavuto asanafike ndikuyembekeza kuti ayambe kuyenda molimba. Komabe, ngakhale pali upangiri wonsewu, kuchuluka kwa mabanja omwe akusudzulana kukuyandikirabe pafupifupi 50% ndipo ukwati ndiubwenzi wovuta kukhalabe.
Ndatenga zaka zambiri ndikugwira ntchito ndi maanja ndikuchulukitsa kafukufuku mpaka malangizo 8 ofunikirawa kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mukukulimbana kuti muzigwiritsa ntchito mosasinthasintha, mungaganizire zopezedwa kuchokera kwa Therapist wokhala ndi Chitsimikizo Chozama mu maanja omwe amagwira ntchito.
1. Lankhulani mwachindunji za zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva kuti amakukondani ndi kukusamalirani
Ngakhale izi zitha kumveka zowoneka bwino, ndizodabwitsa kuti ndi anthu angati omwe amafuna kuti anzawo azikhala "owerenga malingaliro". Ena amafotokozanso kuti ngati wokondedwa wawo amawakondadi, amangodziwa zomwe amafuna. Mwa zomwe ndakumana nazo, timakonda kupereka chikondi momwe timayembekezera kuti tidzachilandira. Izi sizomwe kwenikweni zomwe mnzathu amafuna. Lankhulani za momwe chikondi chikuwonekera kwa inu ndipo khalani achindunji. Iyi ndi mfundo yofunika yolumikizirana.
2. Kuthetsa kusamvana posachedwa
Kupewa mikangano sikuipangitsa kuti ichoke. M'malo mwake, mukalephera kuthetsa vutolo, limakwiya ndipo limakusungirani mkwiyo. Onetsetsani kuti mwasiya zizolowezi zoyipa zoyankhulirana monga kulephera kumvetsera, kutseka, kukhazikika, kutsutsa, ndi kukangana. Kuphunzira zida zabwino ndi ntchito yaubwenzi wanthawi yayitali ndipo imafunikira nthawi ndi khama.
3. Dziwani bwino
Tikayamba kukondana, timakhala ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa winayo. Kuganiza kuti mumadziwa zonse za mnzanu kumapangitsa chidwi chanu ndikuwononga ubalewo. Limbikitsani chidwi chofuna kudziwa zochulukirapo za mnzanu paubwenzi wonse kuti zisangalatse.
4. Limbikitsani zabwino
Kuyang'ana pazolakwika, kapena zomwe simukupeza kuchokera kwa mnzanu, kumadzetsa kutsutsa komanso kudziteteza. Pakafukufuku wofotokozedwa ndi John Gottman, PhD, tikudziwa kuti pamafunika kulumikizana kasanu kuti zithetse chimodzi cholakwika muubwenzi wapamtima. Yang'anani pa zomwe mnzanu akuchita bwino ndikuwonetsa kuthokoza kwanu pafupipafupi.
5. Mvetserani mwatcheru
Mverani ndi maso anu, otambasula ndikukhudza, perekani mwayi wokwanira kwa mnzanu. Palibe chomwe chimamanga bwino kuposa kudziwa kuti winayo ali ndi chidwi. Nthawi zambiri timangomvetsera kwakanthawi kokwanira kuti tidziwe momwe tikufunira kuyankha kapena komwe tingasokoneze. Ganizirani poyesa kumvetsetsa kusiyanasiyana kwa chilankhulo ndi zikhulupiriro za mnzanu. Phunzirani mawu atatu amphamvu awa, "Ndiuzeni Zambiri".
6. Pangani ndikugawana maloto anu achitetezo pachibwenzi
Kodi ndi liti komaliza, ngati munakhalapo, kuti nonse awiri mudakhala pansi ndikulankhula zakufunitsitsa kwanu pachibwenzi? Kulota zomwe zingatheke ndi njira yabwino yogwirira ntchito limodzi kukhazikitsa ubale wanu panjira yabwino kwambiri. Kunena za cholinga chanu chapamwamba kwambiri kumakupatsani mwayi woti muganizirepo, m'malo modutsana ndi zovuta za tsiku ndi tsiku zomwe zikukuyimitsani.
7. Fufuzani ziyembekezo zogonana
Nthawi zambiri, kugonana kwabwino "kumangochitika". Amafuna kulumikizana bwino ndikugawana zomwe zikuyembekezeredwa. Maanja akakhala pachigawo choyamba chaubwenzi, ubongo wawo umatulutsa mankhwala ambiri ndi mahomoni omwe amapangitsa kuti azigonana pafupipafupi komanso mokondana. Kuchuluka kwa mahomoni oterewa, vasopressin, kumapangitsa chidwi komanso kukopa. Pomwe imayamba kutha, maanja akukumana ndi kufunika kokambirana za ziyembekezo zawo zogonana ndikukhumba zogonana.
8. Zindikirani momwe zinthu zinalili kale
Ubongo wathu uli ndi zingwe zopulumuka. Njira imodzi yomwe timatetezedwa ku zopweteka, ndikukumbukira zonse zomwe zidatipweteka kale. Mnzathu akapanga chimodzi mwazokumbukira izi, timachokera m'chiuno cha ubongo wathu pomwe palibe kusiyana pakati pa zakale ndi zamakono. Kuti timvetsetse bwino za anzathu, tiyenera kukhala ofunitsitsa kuzindikira njira zomwe zochitika zathu zakale zimakhudzira malingaliro athu ndi machitidwe athu.