Zamkati
- 1. Vomerezani kuti china chake chalakwika
- 2. Pezani zizindikiro ndikulankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu za izo
- 3. Siyani kutenga chilichonse panokha
- 4. Lankhulani ndi katswiri
- 5. Onetsani chithandizo ndi chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu
- 6. Muzipanga masewera olimbitsa thupi komanso kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi monga gawo lanu
- 7. Yesetsani kupezeka mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo anu theka lanu labwino
- 8. Kambiranani ndi wokondedwa wanu za matenda awo
Matenda okhumudwa samangokhala achisoni tsiku ndi tsiku. Ndimaganizo osiyanasiyana, pomwe zonse zimawoneka zopanda chiyembekezo. Munthu akamalimbana ndi kukhumudwa, amakhala ndi zizindikilo zosiyanasiyana:
- Afuna kuti asiyidwe okha
- Adzadya kwambiri kapena sadzadya konse,
- Kusowa tulo,
- Kusakhazikika,
- Kudzimva wopanda pake kapena wopanda ntchito,
- Mavuto am'mimba,
- Kutopa,
- Kuvuta kuyang'ana zinthu wamba,
- Kudzimva kokhalabe achisoni komanso malingaliro ofuna kudzipha.
Anthu amapita ku njira zosiyanasiyana kuti athetse vuto lawo; ambiri amasankha mowa pomwe ena amayamba kumwa mankhwala monga udzu kapena zipinda zam'mimba, koma kumadera ambiri padziko lapansi kuli kuzindikira pang'ono kapena pafupifupi pang'ono. Chifukwa cha izi, anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kukhumudwa samachitiridwa momwe ayenera kukhalira. Chifukwa chake. Ndatolera njira 8 zothanirana ndi kukhumudwa, komanso magawo andewu, makamaka mukamakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi nkhawa komanso kukhumudwa. Ndikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yokhudza kukhumudwa komanso maubale ikuthandizani momwe idandithandizira.
1. Vomerezani kuti china chake chalakwika
Imodzi mwa njira zofunika kwambiri kuti mupeze yankho lolimbana ndi kukhumudwa ndi kuvomereza. Zizindikiro zambiri zimawoneka, koma timakonda kuzinyalanyaza kwakanthawi ndikuganiza kuti achoka pawokha. Timalephera kumvetsetsa kuti vutoli limatha kutenga nthawi yochulukirapo kuposa momwe lidatengera kubwera. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti china chake sichili bwino.
Muyenera kukumbukira kuti palibe vuto kudwala. Aliyense atha kukhumudwa. Musadzifunse kuti, 'Chifukwa chiyani ine?' kapena kudziimba mlandu kuti, 'Kupsinjika kwanga kumawononga ubale wanga.' M'malo mwake, muyenera kuganizira momwe mungathanirane ndi kukhumudwa muubwenzi. Landirani kuti vuto labwera ndipo mudzachira posachedwa.
Ndikofunikanso kuti mnzake kapena mnzake athandize mnzake wokhumudwa ndi chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi chithandizo chokwanira.
2. Pezani zizindikiro ndikulankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu za izo
Ngati mukulimbana ndi kukhumudwa, pali zizindikiro zambiri zakusokonekera monga:
- Kutopa kosalekeza
- kukhala opanda chiyembekezo
- wopanda pake
- kudzipatula nokha
- mkwiyo
- kukhumudwa
- kusowa tulo, ndi zina zambiri
Popeza munthu aliyense ndi wosiyana, zizindikilo za munthu aliyense amene akumenya nkhondo ya kukhumudwa zimabwera mosiyanasiyana.
Anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi vuto la kukhumudwa amakumana ndi izi tsiku ndi tsiku, ndipo masiku ena, amatha kukhala ndi chizindikiro chimodzi kapena ziwiri. Dziwani ndikuwunika zizindikilo zanu zonse ndikuwonetsetsa kuti mwadziwitsa mnzanuyo. Chifukwa chake kungakhale kukhumudwa muubwenzi.
Kodi ndizosiyana bwanji kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi nkhawa komanso kukhumudwa?
Apa, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa momwe kukhumudwa kumakhudzira maubwenzi. Zinthu zitha kukhala zovuta. Kulankhula ndi mnzanu kudzawapatsa chidziwitso cha zomwe mukukumana nazo.
Monga munthu amene ali ndi mnzake wovutika, kukonda munthu wokhumudwa ndi zopweteka. Momwe mnzake amakhalabe akumva kuwawa, kulimbikitsa kulumikizana kumakhala kovuta. Chifukwa chake nonse mukwanitsa kukambirana chilichonse chomwe chingafunikire kuchitidwa polimbana ndi kukhumudwa.
3. Siyani kutenga chilichonse panokha
Kulimbana ndi kukhumudwa si njira yophweka. Munthu akakhala wokhumudwa, amatha kukhala osasangalala masiku awo ambiri. Anthu owazungulira ayenera kukhala olimba kwambiri osatengera chilichonse chomwe akunena chifukwa akungotulutsa kukhumudwa kwawo, mantha, ndi mkwiyo mkamwa mwawo; nthawi zambiri, kumakhala kukhumudwa kuyankhula.
Momwe mungamuthandizire wokhumudwa?
Chilichonse chomwe anganene, mvetserani modekha, chitani modekha. Yesetsani kuyankha chifukwa izi zitha kuyambitsa mkangano. Auzeni kuti mukumvetsa, ndiyeno muzingozisiya.
4. Lankhulani ndi katswiri
Ndikofunikira kuwonetsetsa kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukupita kwa katswiri kuti mupeze njira yothetsera kukhumudwa. Lingaliro la akatswiri lipereka mawonekedwe atsopano pazonse zomwe zimawasokoneza. Kulankhula ndi katswiri wokhudza theka lanu lina yemwe akudwala matendawa kungakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zomwe akukumana nazo ndipo mwina mwanjira ina kumathandizira kulimbitsa ubale wanu ndi iwo.
Nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kudalira katswiri wa anthu. Koma onetsetsani kuti muthandize wokondedwa wanu kuwakhulupirira kuti chilichonse chomwe chimawachitikira chitha kutuluka m'dongosolo lawo, ndipo akumva bwino. Katswiri amathanso kukutulutsirani momwe mungathanirane ndi kukhumudwa mu chibwenzi kuti muzisungabe ubale wabwino.
5. Onetsani chithandizo ndi chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu
Ngati mukukhala ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu, onetsetsani kuti mukugwirizana ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana omwe amakuponyerani. Kukhumudwa kumatha kukhala pano pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, zomwe mwina amakubisirani.Chifukwa chake, chinthu chachikulu kwambiri chomwe mungawachitire ndi kukhala ochezeka ndikuwonetsa kuwathandiza.
Mutha kuwapangitsa kuti alowe nawo gulu lothandizira pomwe anthu osiyanasiyana amafotokoza nkhani zosiyanasiyana za momwe adatulukira mukuvutika maganizo kuti awalimbikitse ndikukhala ndi chiyembekezo kuti atha kutuluka tsiku lino.
6. Muzipanga masewera olimbitsa thupi komanso kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi monga gawo lanu
Matenda okhumudwa ndimatenda amisala, koma mbali zambiri zakuthupi lanu zimathanso kukukhudzani. Mwachitsanzo, zomwe mumadya zimathandiza kwambiri paumoyo wanu wamaganizidwe. Kutsatira a chakudya chopatsa thanzi komanso chokwanira chingathandize kuthana ndi kukhumudwa. Zingakhale bwino ngati mungayesenso kuwonjezera masewera olimbitsa thupi pazomwe mumachita.
Momwe mungaperekere chithandizo mukakhala ndi mnzanu wopsinjika?
Kupeza chomwe chimakulimbikitsani kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kungakhale kovuta kwa munthu wathanzi, ndipo kwa munthu amene ali ndi vuto la kupsinjika, zingakhale zosatheka. Onetsetsani kuti limbitsa thupi ndi mnzanu popeza imeneyo ingakhale nthawi yabwino yopuma ndi kuyankhula za chilichonse chomwe chimakusowetsani mtendere kapena iwo.
7. Yesetsani kupezeka mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo anu theka lanu labwino
Ngati mnzanu akukumana ndi zovuta zakukhumudwa, sayenera kukhala okha. Akapanikizika, zimakhala zoyipa kudalira wina. Amatha kumva ngati mukuwapweteka komanso kusiya kudalira inu.
Achibale ndi abwenzi anu enieni adzakuthandizani nthawi iliyonse yomwe inu kapena mnzanu yemwe ali ndi nkhawa akuwafuna. Sadzakhumudwa mukawafunsa kuti awathandize. Wokondedwa wanu ali yekhayekha, amatha kuyamba kuganizira kwambiri zazing'onoting'ono ndikugwa mdzenje lakukhumudwa. Pomwe, ngati ali ndi wina wowazungulira, amatha kuyankhula za zomwe zikuchitika m'mutu mwawo komanso kupeza mayankho za momwe mungagonjetse kukhumudwa. Chifukwa chake, ndikofunikira kupezeka theka lanu labwino pamalingaliro komanso mwakuthupi.
8. Kambiranani ndi wokondedwa wanu za matenda awo
Ngati mnzanu ali ndi zodandaula, ndiye lankhulani ndi mnzanu chilichonse chomwe akukumana nacho. Kumbukirani kuti kukhumudwa kumatha kukhala kwatsopano kwa iwo monganso kwa inu. Simungamvetse zomwe akukumana nazo kapena momwe akumverera. Chifukwa chake, onetsetsani kuti mwayamba kudziphunzitsa nokha komanso momwe alili, matenda, ndi chilichonse chomwe akumana nacho.
Wokondedwayo amatenga gawo lofunikira pakukweza mnzake wolimbana ndi kukhumudwa. Kanemayo pansipa, a Esther Perel ati ndikofunikira kuti mnzakeyo azipezekapo kwa okondedwa wawo ndikuwatsimikizira kuti sanakhale otere nthawi zonse.
Pomaliza zonse, kukhumudwa kumatha kugonjetsedwa ndi chithandizo, chikondi, ndi chisamaliro. Chifukwa chake, onetsetsani kuti mulipo kwa aliyense amene akuvutika maganizo chifukwa zitha kuwathandiza kuti abwerere kumoyo woyenera.