Zamkati
- 1. Pewani kuyanjana koipa
- 2. Tulukani muzokhutira ndi momwe mukuchitira
- 3. Onetsetsani zomwe zikuchitika komanso momwe zimamvekera pano ndi pano
Mabanja ambiri amabwera kuchipatala ali okonzeka kukangana pamaso pa wodwalayo. Onsewa amapwetekedwa ndipo akuyembekeza kuti winawake atsimikizira malingaliro awo ndi chala chawo chosaoneka, chomwe m'malingaliro a munthu aliyense, chimaloza kwa mnzake. Wothandizira, modabwitsa, sangathe kupititsa patsogolo chithandizo chamankhwala potenga mbali.
Kuti mupindule ndi mtundu uliwonse wamankhwala, makasitomala amafunika kumva kuti akumva ndikumvetsetsa. Pazithandizo zamankhwala, wothandizirayo ayenera kuchita mgwirizano ndi onse makasitomala, kuwathandiza onse kuti amve kukhala ovomerezeka, omvetsetsa komanso ovomerezeka. Imeneyi ikhoza kukhala ntchito yovuta-yosatheka pomwe anthu ali ndi mwayi wodziimbirana milandu komanso kudzimva otetezeka. Pomwe wothandizirayo amayankha mwachifundo kwa mnzake, winayo amadzimvera chisoni. Mikangano ikupitirira. Othandizira ena adzafunsa makasitomala kuti asalankhulane wina ndi mnzake poyamba, koma azilankhula okha kwa othandizira kapena kuti anthuwo azibwera nthawi imodzi kuti adzalankhule momasuka. Ngakhale m'malo olamulidwawa, anthu amatha kuvulala ndikumadziona kuti ndi achabechabe. Mlingo wosiya ophunzira kwambiri pamankhwala apabanja. Nthawi zina anthu amabwera ndi chizindikiro chotsiriza koma amakhala ndi phazi limodzi pakhomo. Kapenanso, atha kupitiliza magawo angapo akumadzudzulana wina ndi mnzake ndikumverera kuti atsimikizika pang'ono koma alibe chiyembekezo.
Ndiye tingathe bwanji kuthetsa mkangano ndikugwiritsa ntchito bwino nthawi ndi ndalama zothandizira maubwenzi?
Kodi banjali likufuna kukwaniritsa chiyani pamankhwalawa? Kodi pali zosowa ndi zosowa wamba? Ichi ndi chiyambi chabwino, koma nthawi zina zinthu zimakhala zotentha kwambiri kotero kuti kulumikizana sikungakhale kothandiza chifukwa mkangano womwe wakhazikika. Greenberg ndi Johnson, (1988) adazindikira china chomwe adachitcha "Kuyanjana kolakwika"
1. Pewani kuyanjana koipa
Ndi mtundu wobwereza mobwerezabwereza wokhudzana ndi chitetezo cha ena aliyense. Adalankhula za zovuta zakufika pakumva kwakatikati, kukhala osatetezeka, kukonza ubalewo poyankhananso mwachidwi. Ili ndiye vuto lalikulu pazithandizo za maanja, kuwapangitsa anthuwo kudzimva otetezeka mokwanira kuti ateteze zodzitchinjiriza, kuyimitsa mikanganoyo ndikumamvetsera mosabisa kukhumudwitsidwa kapena kupenga.
Mu "Hold Me Tight" (2008), Sue Johnson adalongosola zazomwezi zodzitchinjiriza, zobwerezabwereza poyankhula momwe anthu amayamba kuziyembekezera ndikuchita mwachangu komanso mwachangu kuti azindikire kuti mkangano wayamba osazindikira. Adagwiritsa ntchito fanizo lavina ndikuwonetsa kuti anthu amawerenga zomwe zimachitika kuti zimayambika ndikudzitchinjiriza asanadziwe, kenako mnzakeyo amalowererapo ndikudzitchinjiriza kwawo ndikupitilizabe kusiya. Adanenanso zakufunika kopezanso mwayi wokhala otseguka komanso ogwirizana pokhala pano, kuzindikira kubwereza mobwerezabwereza ngati mdani osati wina ndi mnzake, ndikugwirira ntchito limodzi kuti ifalikire ndikuwongolera ikayamba.
2. Tulukani muzokhutira ndi momwe mukuchitira
Izi ndi zomwe othandizira amachita mosazindikira koma makasitomala nthawi zambiri amalimbana nawo. Zimatanthawuza kuyang'ana zochita ndi zotsatira za zomwe zikuchitika pano ndi pano, m'malo mokangana pazowona, malingaliro ndi malingaliro munkhani yomwe ikufotokozedwayi. Imagwira mbalame m'maso. Kuti mugwiritse ntchito fanizo kuchokera kumalo ochitira zisudzo, tangoganizirani ngati wina amangomvera zomwe zikuchitika pazokambirana ndikunyalanyaza zomwe zikuchitika? Pakhoza kukhala kumvetsetsa kochepa kwambiri pamasewerawa.
3. Onetsetsani zomwe zikuchitika komanso momwe zimamvekera pano ndi pano
M'malo moyankha, kubwezeretsanso ndikuwunikiranso njira zakale, tiyenera kukhala omvera kwa oyamba kumene.
Iyi ndiye njira yokhayo yopezera mpata woyankha munjira zatsopano, munjira zamachiritso. Ngati tingathe kukumbukira zomwe zikuchitika ndikuyankha mosiyana ndi kale lonse, osatengeka pang'ono, pali malo oti titha kumvera chisoni mnzakeyo ndikumanganso kulumikizana. Izi ndizosavuta ngati onse akumvetsetsa zomwe zikuchitika, ndipo ngati wowongolera wofatsa koma wowongoka monga Emotion Focused kapena Mindfulness-based Therapist atha kuphunzitsa makasitomala za njirayi.
Wothandizirayo amafunika kuthandizira kupanga ndikusunga malo otetezeka kuti onse awiri aphunzire njira zatsopano zokhudzana ndikumvabe kuti akumva kuwawa. Ngati banja lingaphunzire kulekerera ndi kuyankha munjira zatsopano, zothandizirana wina ndi mnzake kuposa momwe mankhwala amathandizira. Sizinthu zonse zomwe zidzasinthidwe, osati zonse zakale zomwe ziziwunikiridwa, koma njira zatsopano zolumikizirana zimalola banjali zida zomwe amafunikira kuthana nazo m'njira zomwe zimamvera ulemu, zotetezeka komanso zopitilira patsogolo ndikupitilira chithandizo.