Zamkati
- Zifukwa 7 Chifukwa chiyani sakufuna kukwatiranso
- 1. Sakuwona zabwino zokwatiranso
- 2. Amaopa kusudzulana
- 3. Sangathe kusamalira banja latsopano
- 4. Sanabwezeretse kuubwenzi wakale
- 5. Amaopa kutaya ufulu wawo
- 6. Amakhulupirira kuti banja lingawononge chikondi
- 7. Maganizo awo pa wokondedwa wawo watsopano sali okwanira mokwanira
- Nchiyani chimapangitsa munthu wosudzulidwa kufuna kukwatiranso?
- Tengera kwina
Mawebusayiti a Community ndi Q&A ali ndi mauthenga ambiri ngati "bwenzi langa limanena kuti safuna kukwatiwa - nditani?" Pakhoza kukhala mafotokozedwe angapo kutengera momwe zinthu ziliri. Chimodzi mwazomwezi ndizochitika kale m'banja komanso chisudzulo.
Mnyamata wosudzulana amakhala ndi mawonekedwe osiyana mosiyana ndi omwe sanakwatiranepo. Chifukwa chake sakufunanso kukwatiwanso ndiye chidziwitso chodziwiratu ngati angasinthe malingaliro ake mtsogolo.
Zifukwa 7 Chifukwa chiyani sakufuna kukwatiranso
Chifukwa chiyani anyamata safuna kukwatiwanso atasudzulana kapena kupatukana?
Tiyeni tiwunike mfundo zingapo zomwe amuna omwe banja lawo lakhala likugwiritsidwa ntchito kuti apewe ukwati wawo kapena chifukwa chomwe amasankhiranso kuti asadzakwatirane.
1. Sakuwona zabwino zokwatiranso
Mwina, kuchokera pamaganizidwe, banja silimveka masiku ano kwa iwo. Ndipo si amuna okha omwe ali ndi lingaliro ili. Amayi ambiri amawagawiranso. Chizindikiro chimodzi cha izi ndikuchepa pang'ono kwa okwatirana pazaka zapitazi.
Kafukufuku wa 2019 wolemba Pew Research adawonetsa kuti chiwerengero cha mabanja omwe adakwatirana chidatsika ndi 8% kuyambira 1990 mpaka 2017. Kugwa sikochulukirapo koma kukuwonekerabe.
Safuna kukwatiranso chifukwa si amuna onse omwe amawona momwe banja lachiwiri lingawapindulitsire, ndichifukwa chake amuna safunanso kukwatiranso. Chizolowezi chawo choganizira mozama zimawapangitsa kuwunika zabwino ndi zoyipa zonse zaukwati, ndipo pambuyo pake, amasankha njira yabwino kwambiri.
Chifukwa chake zovuta zomwe mnyamatayo amapeza, sizimafuna kukwatiwa.
Tiyeni tiwone momwe zinthu ziliri kuchokera kwa munthu wosudzulana. Adalawa kale zofooka ndi zovuta zaukwati ndipo tsopano akufuna kusangalala ndi ufulu wake watsopano. Kumanga mfundo kungatanthauze kudzipha kapena kudzikonzanso.
Chifukwa chiyani munthu atha kusiya kudziyimira pawokha ngati angathe kukhala ndi mwayi wokondana, kugonana, kuthandizidwa, ndi zina zonse zomwe mayi amapereka popanda zovuta zalamulo?
M'masiku am'mbuyomu, anthu awiri amadzimva kuti ali ndi udindo wogwirizana pazifukwa zachuma kapena zachipembedzo. Komabe, tsopano kufunika kwaukwati sikuchepetsedwa chifukwa cha chikhalidwe cha anthu komanso makamaka zosowa zamaganizidwe.
Mu kafukufuku yemwe watchulidwa kale, aku 88% aku America adatchula chikondi ngati chifukwa chachikulu chokwatirana. Poyerekeza, kukhazikika kwachuma kumapangitsa 28% yokha yaku America kufuna kukhazikitsa ubalewo. Inde, palinso chiyembekezo kwa iwo amene amakhulupirira chikondi.
2. Amaopa kusudzulana
Kusudzulana nthawi zambiri kumakhala kosokoneza. Anthu amene adutsapo kale amachita mantha kuti adzakumanenso. Safuna kukwatiwanso chifukwa amuna akhoza kukhulupirira kuti malamulo am'banja ndi okondera ndipo amapatsa azimayi mphamvu zotumiza amuna awo akale kwa oyeretsa.
Tsopano, sitifotokoza zakusiyana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi m'makhothi azamalamulo am'banja popeza sizomwe nkhaniyi ikufotokoza. Kunena zowona, amuna ambiri amakhala ndi zomwe amafunikira kuti azisamalira ana awo ndipo amafunika kuwononga ndalama zawo pamwezi kuti atumize zolipira kwa akazi awo akale.
Ndipo tisaiwale za chipwirikiti chomwe anzawo osaukawa adakumana nacho.
Ndiye ndani angawadzudzule ngati sadzakwatiranso?
Mwamwayi kwa amayi, si amuna onse osudzulidwa omwe safunanso kukwatiwa. Mu 2021, U.S. Census Bureau idatulutsa lipoti lomwe limaphatikizapo amuna osudzulana komanso ziwerengero za kukwatira. 18.8% ya amuna adakwatirana kawiri kuyambira 2016. Maukwati achitatu anali ocheperako - 5.5% yokha.
Amuna omwe amayamba banja kachiwiri kapena kachitatu amazindikira kwambiri izi. Ambiri aiwo amayesa kuphunzira pazolakwitsa zawo ndikuyandikira ubale watsopano ndi nzeru zambiri.
3. Sangathe kusamalira banja latsopano
Amuna ena samakwatiranso pambuyo pa chisudzulo chifukwa chachuma chomwe chatsalira m'banja lakale. Kodi ndi chiyani?
Choyambirira, ndi chithandizo cham'kamwini kapena kukwatirana. Kuchuluka kwake kumatha kukhala kolemetsa, makamaka ngati palinso thandizo la ana. Amuna omwe ali ndi maudindowa nthawi zambiri amazengereza kulowa muubwenzi watsopano chifukwa sangathe kuthandiza mkazi watsopano komanso mwina ana atsopano.
Sakufunanso kukwatira chifukwa amadera nkhawa zachuma. Ndi chizindikiro chabwino. Palibe chomwe chatayika pano, ndipo mutha kuyembekezera kuti asintha malingaliro ake.
Kupatula apo, chisamaliro cha mwana ndi chithandizo cha ana sichikhala kwakanthawi. Kutalika kwa kuthandizana ndi okwatirana ndi theka la nthawi yomwe banja limakhala limodzi m'maiko ambiri.
Ndipo thandizo la ana lidzatha mwana akakula. Sizitanthauza kuti bambo ayenera kudikirira zaka zisanu kapena kupitilira apo kuti afotokozere. Ngati akufuna kupanga mgwirizano wabwino ndi munthu watsopano, ayang'ana njira yothetsera mavuto azachuma koyambirira.
4. Sanabwezeretse kuubwenzi wakale
Kumayambiriro koyambirira, bambo wosudzulidwa amamva kukhala wokhumudwa kwambiri kuti angaganize zoyamba banja latsopano. Nthawi zambiri, ubale woyamba pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndi njira yothetsera zowawa ndikuchira. Zikatere, malingaliro amwamuna kwa mkazi watsopanoyo nthawi zambiri amakhala osakhalitsa ndipo amatha akangobwerera mwakale.
Amuna ena ndiowona mtima panthawiyi ndipo azinena nthawi yomweyo kuti sakufunafuna bwenzi lodzakhala nalo pakadali pano. Komabe, ena siowona choncho. Amatha kukongoletsa pang'ono zochitika ndi zolinga zawo kwa wokondedwa wawo watsopano ngakhale kutchula zolinga zawo zokwatiranso.
Komabe, sizitengera katswiri paubwenzi kuti amvetsetse momwe anthu osakhazikika pamalingaliro atangokwatirana komanso kuti amafunikira nthawi kuti adziwe zoyenera kuchita. Ndikulakalaka kuyembekezera zisankho zanzeru nthawi ino, makamaka zokhudzana ndi banja.
Poganizira zokwatiwa ndi mwamuna wosudzulidwa, zabwino zomwe mkazi angachite ndikupatsa wokondedwa wake nthawi yoti abwezeretse moyo wake pamodzi ndikuwona momwe zikuyendera. Ngati sakufunabe banja latsopano pambuyo poti achiritse, mwina amatero.
Zili kwa mkazi kusankha ngati angathe kukhala ndi izi kapena ngati akufuna zina.
Onani kanemayu wolemba Alan Robarge wonena za kuchiritsidwa kuchokera kuubwenzi wakale ndi momwe zingayambitsire ubale wamtsogolo ngati sichichiritsidwa:
5. Amaopa kutaya ufulu wawo
Amuna amakhala ndi chidwi chofuna kudziyimira pawokha ndipo amawopa kuti wina angawalepheretse ufulu wawo. Mantha awa amatenga gawo lalikulu chifukwa chake anyamata safuna kukwatiwa koyamba, osatinso achiwiri kapena achitatu.
Ngati akuganiza zokwatiranso pambuyo pa chisudzulo, atha kukhala ndi njira ina yopitilira kuyanjana. Pragmatist ndi munthu amene amatha kuchita zinthu moyenera, m'malo mokonda.
Amuna awa amayamba kuwunika maubwenzi malinga ndi malingaliro. Mwachitsanzo, ngati chilolezo chochita chilichonse chomwe akufuna sakhala gawo la mgwirizano, mwina sangafune konse.
"Kupyolera muukwati, mkazi amakhala womasuka, koma mwamuna amataya ufulu," analemba motero wafilosofi wachijeremani Immanuel Kant mu Lectures on Anthropology m'zaka za zana la 18. Amakhulupirira kuti amuna sangathenso kuchita chilichonse chomwe akufuna atakwatirana ndipo amayenera kutsatira njira ya akazi awo.
Ndizosangalatsa momwe nthawi zimasinthira, koma anthu ndi machitidwe awo amakhalabe ofanana.
6. Amakhulupirira kuti banja lingawononge chikondi
Kusudzulana sikuchitika tsiku limodzi. Ndi njira yayitali yomwe imaphatikizapo kupwetekedwa mtima, kudzikayikira, kusagwirizana, ndi zinthu zina zambiri zosasangalatsa. Koma zidafika bwanji pa izi? Chilichonse chinali chodziwika bwino poyamba, kenako mwadzidzidzi, banja lomwe limakondana kwambiri limakhala alendo osadziwika.
Kodi banja litha kupangitsa kukondana ndikuwononga chisangalalo?
Zimamveka mopitirira muyeso, koma ndi zomwe anthu ena amakhulupirira. Amuna safuna kuti banja liwononge ubale wabwino womwe ali nawo tsopano. Kuphatikiza apo, anyamata ambiri amawopa kuti wokondedwa wawo angasinthe, mawonekedwe ndi mawonekedwe ake.
Kunena zowona, ukwati sutenga nawo mbali poti ubale walephera. Ndizokhudza ziyembekezo zoyambirira komanso zoyeserera zomwe awiriwo akuchita kuti alimbitse ubale wawo. Maubale onse amafunika kugwira ntchito ndikudzipereka. Ngati sitigwiritsa ntchito nthawi yokwanira kuwasamalira, amatha ngati maluwa opanda madzi.
7. Maganizo awo pa wokondedwa wawo watsopano sali okwanira mokwanira
Maubwenzi ena atha kukhala pamalo amodzi osapitilira gawo lina. Sichinthu choyipa ngati onse awiri agwirizana. Koma ngati mwamuna anena kuti sakhulupirira banja ndipo mnzake akufuna kupanga banja, limakhala vuto.
Mwamuna amatha kusangalala ndi nthawi yocheza ndi bwenzi latsopano, koma malingaliro ake kwa iye sali ozama mokwanira kuti angapangire. Chifukwa chake, ngati ati sakufuna kukwatiranso, atha kutanthauza kuti sakufuna kuti bwenzi lake lapano likhale mkazi wake.
Ubwenzi woterewu umangokhalapo mpaka m'modzi mwa anzawo atapeza njira yabwinoko.
Zizindikiro zakuti munthu sadzakwatiranso pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndi mutu wakukambirana kwakanthawi. Safuna kukwatiwanso kapena ali ndi zolinga zokwatirana ngati ali wochenjera pa moyo wake, samangokhala kutali, komanso samamuuza chibwenzi chake kwa abwenzi komanso abale.
Nchiyani chimapangitsa munthu wosudzulidwa kufuna kukwatiranso?
Potsirizira pake, amuna ena amatha kusintha malingaliro awo ndikusankha kupanga banja latsopano. Chifukwa chachikulu chokwatirana chingakhale chosankha chokhalanso ndi phindu lake poyerekeza ndi zoletsa zomwe zingatheke.
Amuna osiyanasiyana ali ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zobwereranso. Mwachitsanzo, ena amaganiza mwachangu kwambiri, pomwe ena amayeza zonse zabwino ndi zoyipa poyamba. Koma nthawi zambiri, malingaliro amphamvu monga chikondi ndi kukhudzika zimatha kuposa zovuta zomwe zimawonedwa m'banja, kuphatikiza zachuma ndi nyumba.
Zifukwa zina zomwe zingapangitse kuti mwamunayo apange izi ndi izi:
- chilakolako chokhala ndi nyumba yopanikizika yomwe mayi angakwanitse
- kuopa kusungulumwa
- chikhumbo chofuna kusangalatsa wokondedwa wawo wapano
- kubwezera mkazi wawo wakale
- kuwopa kutaya wokondedwa wawo ndi wina
- kulakalaka kuthandizidwa, etc.
Yesani: Kodi Mumawopa Ukwati Mutasudzulana
Tengera kwina
Pankhani ya amuna osudzulana ndikukwatiranso, kumbukirani kuti si amuna onse omwe angakwatirane atangothetsa banja. Tisaiwale kuti ena akuti (Kansas, Wisconsin, ndi ena) amakhala ndi nthawi yodikira kuti munthu wosudzulana akwatirenso.
Ndiye munthu angakwatirenso liti banja litatha? Yankho lake limadalira malamulo aboma linalake. Pafupifupi, munthu akhoza kukwatiranso pakadutsa masiku makumi atatu mpaka miyezi isanu ndi umodzi chigamulo chomaliza.