Zamkati
- Kodi kusokonezeka kwa ubale ndi chiyani?
- Zizindikiro za zoopsa za ubale wa 5 ndi izi:
- Zovuta zam'mutu komanso zamaganizidwe
- Zizindikiro zomwe mukukumana nazo zoopsa mutatha chibwenzi choopsa
- Kudzidalira kwanu kwayamba kuchepa kwambiri
- Kusankha bwenzi lina lopanda thanzi
- Maganizo owonera
- Mutha kupepesa mopitilira muyeso
- Momwe zoopsa zimakhudzira maubwenzi
- Momwe mungachiritse kuchokera pamavuto abwenzi
- Ganizirani & chitani
- Kuleza mtima ndi kiyi
- Khalani pano
- Pezani thandizo
- Malingaliro a 3 a omwe adapulumuka pamavuto kuti akhale ndiubwenzi wabwino
- 1. Vutoli silinali vuto lanu
- 2. Ubale siwotetezeka nthawi zonse
- 3. Sikuti mikangano yonse ndi chizindikiro cha vuto
- PTSD, kupwetekedwa kwa ubale, komanso momwe maubwenzi amathandizira
Zovuta zaubwenzi ndizowona, ndipo zimatha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zosatha. Ngakhale zenizeni za maubale owopsa, ndizotheka kuchira, kupita mtsogolo, ndikukhalanso ndi ubale wathanzi.
Kodi kusokonezeka kwa ubale ndi chiyani?
Akatswiri afotokoza zakusokonekera kwa ubale ngati zomwe zimachitika pomwe ubale wapamtima umakhudza kuzunzidwa kwakuthupi, kwakugonana, kapena kwamaganizidwe. Wina yemwe adakumana ndi zowawa zotere amakhala ndi nkhawa zambiri ndipo amakumbukira zomwe zidamuchitikira.
Matenda aubwenzi pambuyo pa zoopsa atha kukhala ovuta kwambiri.
Zizindikiro za zoopsa za ubale wa 5 ndi izi:
- Kumva mantha kwambiri kapena kukwiyira wokondedwayo
- Kudzimva kuti ndiwosatetezeka, komwe kumatha kubweretsa kusadziletsa komanso kugona tulo
- Kudzipatula wekha kwa ena
- Kusakhazikika komanso mavuto am'malingaliro
- Kuopa maubwenzi apamtima ndikukhala osadalira maubale otere
Zovuta zam'mutu komanso zamaganizidwe
Anthu akaganiza zakupsa mtima pachibwenzi, amatha kuganiza zachiwawa, koma amathanso kupwetekedwa mtima komanso malingaliro. Mwachitsanzo, kugwira mnzanu muli pachibwenzi, kumenya kwambiri, kapena kuchititsidwa manyazi ndi mnzanuyo zonse zimatha kupanga zisonyezo zamaganizidwe ndi malingaliro.
Izi zimatha kubwera chifukwa chakuzunzidwa m'maganizo mwa chibwenzi. Kukhumudwa m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo ndi zotsatira za zina mwanjira zotsatirazi muubwenzi wozunza:
- Wokondedwa mnzake mwadala akumunyoza mnzakeyo kapena kuchititsa manyazi mnzakeyo
- Mnzake wina akupereka ndemanga zonyoza wovutidwayo, kaya pagulu kapena mwachinsinsi
- Wokonda mnzake akuwononga kudzidalira kwa mnzake
- Mnzake akuyesera kukhulupirira mnzake kuti ndi "wopenga"
- Wokondedwa wina akuwuza mnzake zomwe iye ali kapena zomwe saloledwa kuchita
- Mnzanu m'modzi woyang'anira ndalama zapakhomo
- Kudzudzula kochokera kwa mnzanu
- Ziwopsezo zakuwononga kuchokera kwa wozunza
- Wokondedwa mnzake akuimba mnzake mlandu chifukwa cha zinthu zomwe zasokonekera kapena kupangitsa mnzake kudzimvera chisoni pazinthu zomwe si zolakwa zake
Makhalidwe aliwonse omwe ali pamwambawa atha kubweretsa zibwenzi. Pomaliza pake, wozunzidwayo amasiya kudzidalira komanso kudziyimira pawokha ndipo amayamba kukayikira ngati anali wamisala. Wopwetekedwayo angaope kulakwitsa ndikuwona kuti ndizosatheka kukondweretsa wozunza.
Zizindikiro zomwe mukukumana nazo zoopsa mutatha chibwenzi choopsa
Zizindikiro zochepa chabe zalembedwa pamwambapa, koma zimathandiza kukhala ndi chidziwitso chokwanira cha zisonyezo pambuyo poti ubale wowopsa ungawonekere.
Chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu zakusokonekera pambuyo pa chibwenzi, malinga ndi akatswiri, ndikuti mumaopa chibwenzi chatsopano. Mutha kulakalaka kuyambitsa chibwenzi chatsopano, koma nkhawa yanu imakulepheretsani kulowa m'banja lina, ngakhale mutakhala ndi nthawi yochira.
Nkhani zakukhulupirirana ndichizindikiro china cha zoopsa kuchokera kuubwenzi woopsa.
Ngati kuchitiridwa nkhanza mbanja kwadzetsa mavuto, mwina simungadzikhulupirire kuti musankhe bwenzi latsopano. Kupatula apo, mutha kukhala kuti mumazengereza kukhulupirira munthu watsopano chifukwa choopa kuti munthu ameneyo angamakuvutitseni. Izi zitha kukupangitsani kuti muwononge ubale watsopano kapena anzanu.
Mwachitsanzo, kusamvana kwakung'ono kapena zolakwa zingakupangitseni kukayikira kukhulupirika kwa munthuyo chifukwa zimakukumbutsani zolakwa zakale zomwe mnzanuyo adachita.
Zizindikiro zina zinayi zomwe mwakumana nazo zoopsa ndi izi ndi izi:
Mnzanu wapabanja atha kugwiritsa ntchito njira zopusitsa, monga kukunyozetsani, kukuchititsani manyazi, ndikukunenani kuti mumachita chilichonse cholakwika. Izi zitha kukupangitsani kudziona kuti ndinu achabechabe, osakhoza, komanso osayenera chikondi. Kukumana ndi zowawa izi kumatha kukusiyani wopanda chiyembekezo.
Ndi kudzidalira kofooka, mutha kuyamba kukhulupirira kuti simukuyenera kukhala ndi ubale wabwino pomwe mnzanu angawone zosowa zanu ndikukulemekezani. Izi zitha kukupangitsani kuti mulandire bwenzi lina lomwe limakupweteketsani.
Nthawi zina, mutha kuthamangira pachibwenzi chatsopano ndi mnzanu yemwe akukuzunzani chifukwa chakuti mumakhala osungulumwa ndipo mukufuna kudzaza mpatawo kapena kuchiritsa mabala a chibwenzi chanu chomaliza. Izi zitha kubweretsa zoopsa mobwerezabwereza.
Mu kanemayu pansipa, Dr Treisman amalankhula zakufunika kokhazikitsa ubale wabwino komanso momwe akulu amafunikiranso machiritso apabanja:
Chizindikiro china chofunikira ndi malingaliro otengeka. Izi zitha kuphatikizanso kubwereza zomwe zakambidwa kale kuchokera kuubwenzi ndikusamala zomwe mukadanena kapena kuchita mosiyana, kapena kuganizira kwambiri zolakwika zomwe mnzanu wakale adakupangitsani kuti mukhulupirire kuti muli nazo. Muthanso kuganizira za ngati anthu m'moyo wanu ali odalirika.
Mosasamala kanthu komwe gwero la malingalirowa, atha kukhala osokonekera ndikupangitsa mavuto aakulu.
Ngati mwachitidwapo zoopsa, mwina mumakhulupirira kuti zonse zomwe mumachita ndizolakwika kapena kuti chilichonse chomwe chalakwika ndi inu. Ngati ndi choncho, mwina mungapepese chifukwa cha zolakwa zazing’ono kapena kupepesa pamene kuli kofunikira.
Momwe zoopsa zimakhudzira maubwenzi
Tsoka ilo, kusokonezeka kwa maubale kumatha kubweretsa mayendedwe olakwika kapena mayendedwe muubwenzi.
Izi ndichifukwa choti ubongo umalumikizidwa. Monga akatswiri a psychology afotokozera, tikakumana ndi zoopsa mobwerezabwereza, timakhala okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi zomwe timakumana nazo. Izi ndichifukwa choti ngati sitichira zoopsa, kulumikizana kwaubongo kumasintha, kutipangitsa kuyambitsa "kuyankha kopulumuka" ngati tikuwopsezedwa.
Kuyankha kwamoyo kumayambitsa zomwe timachita muubongo wotchedwa amygdala, zomwe zimatipangitsa kuti timenyane kapena kukhumudwa. Kuyankha kwa ubongo kumakhala kwamphamvu kwambiri kotero kuti titha kuwona kusamvana kwamaubwenzi ngati chiwopsezo ku moyo wathu.
Tikapanda kukonza ndikuchira pamavuto abwenzi, zosintha zambiri zimachitika mkati mwathu zomwe zimakhudza maubwenzi:
- Timakhala okhudzidwa kwambiri kuti mikangano kapena zochitika zilizonse zomwe zimatikumbutsa za zovutazo zimatha, monga kulalata kapena kumenya nkhondo.
- Anthu ena atha kumenya nkhondo koma m'malo mwake amatseka ndikudzichotsa pakayankha ubongo.
- Izi zimabweretsa machitidwe osayenera.
- Mikangano yomwe ikupitilira muubwenzi
Tiyerekeze kuti, ngati mukuwopsezedwa kapena kukanidwa pachibwenzi chimodzi mpaka kuyamba kusiya kapena kumenyera koyamba chizindikiro chavuto, pachibwenzi chanu chotsatira, mutha kuwona zolakwa zowona kapena mikangano yaying'ono ngati yowopseza, kenako pa mnzanu watsopano. Izi zimapanga mawonekedwe olakwika.
Kuyankha kwachisoni kumatha kupanganso njira yolakwika muubwenzi wozunza, ndikupititsa patsogolo zozungulira zaubwenzi.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumakonda kuopsezedwa ndi kukanidwa ndi mnzanu kapena ndemanga zamanyazi, ubongo wanu ukhoza kukhala wokonda kwambiri zoopsa.
Izi zikutanthauza kuti ngakhale mnzanuyo sakuchita mwanjira yowopseza, mutha kuwona kukanidwa kapena kusamvana ndikuyamba kuchitira zinthu mnzanu.Izi zimayambitsa mikangano mosalekeza ndikukhala njira yolakwika m'banjamo.
Popita nthawi, zitha kukupangitsani kuwona maubwenzi onse molakwika. Mutha kumva ngati kuti simungakhulupirire aliyense, chifukwa chake mumadzipatula kapena kukalipa kuti mudziteteze. Izi zitha kuwononga ubale uliwonse ndikubweretsa mayendedwe osakhala bwino, osasangalala.
Momwe mungachiritse kuchokera pamavuto abwenzi
Ngakhale kupwetekedwa kwaubwenzi kumatha kubweretsa zipsinjo komanso zovuta, ndizotheka kuyambiranso ubongo ndikuchira pamavuto. Malinga ndi akatswiri opweteketsa mtima, ubongo wachikulire ukhoza kudzikonza wokha ukakumana ndi zoopsa. Izi zimafuna kuti muzolowere zizolowezi zatsopano kapena kuganizira zinthu mosiyana.
Kukonza zoopsa za ubale, chifukwa chake, kumafunikira kuyesetsa kuti mukhale mbali. Izi zitha kutanthauza kuti muyenera kuyima kaye musanayankhe mukamakangana kapena mukamakangana.
M'malo moyankha mwachangu, mungafunike kudziphunzitsa kuti mupeze kanthawi kuti muwone ngati muli pachiwopsezo kapena ngati uku ndikungokhalira kukangana. Popita nthawi, njirayi iyenera kukhala yodziwikiratu pamene ubongo umachiritsa.
Ngati mwasankha kukhalabe pachibwenzi ngakhale mutakumana ndi zoopsa, muyenera kukhala okonzeka kuleza mtima ndi anzanu.
Poyambirira, mwina simungamve bwino pazachiritso, koma mukawona mnzanu akusintha, mudzayamba kumva bwino pakapita nthawi.
Ngati mukukonzekera, ndikofunikira kuti muziyang'ana kwambiri zomwe zikuchitika pano ndikupitabe patsogolo, m'malo mongolimbana ndi zopweteka zakale. Mukamapanga njira zatsopano ndi wokondedwa wanu, chidwi chimakhala chofala.
Ngati mudakumbukirabe zam'mbuyomu, mutha kubwereranso kuzinthu zoyipa, ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuyang'ana kwambiri pazosintha zomwe zikuchitika pakadali pano.
Pomaliza, ngati mukuona kuti simungathe kuchira panokha, mwina mungafunike kufunsidwa.
Tiyerekeze kuti mukukumana ndi mayendedwe osayanjana ndi ena ndikuchita zomwe mwapulumuka ngakhale mutakumana ndi mikangano ing'onoing'ono. Zikatero, itha kukhala nthawi yoti muchitepo kanthu upangiri waumwini kuti muthandizidwe kuchira.
Ngati mukulimbana ndi vuto la chibwenzi, upangiri wa maanja ungakuthandizeni inu ndi mnzanu kukhala ndi njira zabwino zolumikizirana.
Malingaliro a 3 a omwe adapulumuka pamavuto kuti akhale ndiubwenzi wabwino
Nthawi yonse yokonza zoopsa, ndizothandiza kwa opulumuka kuti azikumbukira mfundo zazikuluzikulu. Nawa atatu apamwamba kwambiri:
1. Vutoli silinali vuto lanu
Opulumuka pachibwenzi chowopsa nthawi zambiri amapangidwa kuti akhulupirire kuti ndiopenga kapena osayenera kukondedwa. Izi zingawapangitse iwo kumva kuti anali oyenera kuchitiridwa nkhanza komanso kuti zochitikazo ndi zomwe zidawachititsa.
Izi siziri choncho. Palibe amene ali ndi ufulu wokuzunzani, ndipo amene amamuzunzayo amaimbidwa mlandu pazochita zake.
2. Ubale siwotetezeka nthawi zonse
Mukagwidwa ndi zibwenzi zoopsa, makamaka mosalekeza, mutha kuyamba kukhulupirira kuti maubwenzi onse ndiabwino, amwano, kapena amadzaza mikangano. Izi sizili choncho. Ndikotheka kukhala ndiubwenzi wathanzi womwe umakhala wopanda mavuto.
3. Sikuti mikangano yonse ndi chizindikiro cha vuto
Monga momwe mungayambitsire kuwona maubale onse ngati osavomerezeka, kubwereza zoopsa kumatha kukupangitsani kukhulupirira kuti mikangano yonse ndiwopseza kapena chizindikiro chavuto. Izinso ndi zabodza.
Mikangano ina imayembekezeka muubale wabwino, ndipo sizitanthauza kuti muyenera kuyesetsa kuti muthe, kubwerera mmbuyo, kapena kudzimva osatetezeka. Ndizovuta kuti tisachite mantha pomwe mikangano idakhala yoopsa m'mbuyomu, koma mutha kuphunzira njira zatsopano zoganizira za mikangano, chifukwa chake mumatha kuyankha mwanzeru.
Kukumbukira mfundo izi pamwambapa pamene mukusunthira patsogolo zoopsa kungakuthandizeni kukhazikitsa njira zatsopano zoganizira maubwenzi. Mukatero, mudzadziwona nokha ndi maubwenzi moyenera, zomwe zikuthandizani kuti mudzapeze ubale wabwino mtsogolo.
PTSD, kupwetekedwa kwa ubale, komanso momwe maubwenzi amathandizira
Ndikofunika kuzindikira kusiyana pakati pa zovuta zapambuyo (PTSD) ndi zoopsa za ubale. PTSD ndimatenda azidziwitso am'magazi omwe munthu amatha kudzidzimutsa kuti apewe kukumana ndi zoopsa.
Matenda aubwenzi pambuyo pa zoopsa (PTRS), mbali ina, imakhudza anthu omwe amakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi ubale wawo, kuwapangitsa kuti azikhala osiyana ndi PTSD.
Wina yemwe ali ndi PTSD amapewa zochitikazo, pomwe wina amene ali ndi vutoli amakhala ndi chizolowezi chotsimikiza zoopsazo mpaka zikafika povulaza.
Nthawi zina anthu amatha kuwona PTSD ndi PTRS kukhala zofanana, koma sizofanana.
PTRS itha kukhala ndi zina za PTSD, koma ndimkhalidwe wosiyana, makamaka chifukwa si matenda ovomerezeka mwalamulo ndipo samakwaniritsa zofunikira zonse za PTSD. Anthu ena atha kuganiza za PTRS ngati PTSD kuchokera pachibwenzi.
PTSD ndi zoopsa zaubwenzi zimatha kupanga zowononga maubwenzi.
Mwachitsanzo, wina amene akudwala PTSD amatha kukhala ndi maloto olota kapena kuzunzika chifukwa cha zoopsa, amakhala ndi malingaliro okhumudwitsa nthawi zonse ngati mkwiyo kapena mantha, ndikuyamba kusiya kuchita zinthu zodziwika bwino kapena kudzipatula kwa ena. Zotsatira zoyipazi zimatha kuvulaza maubale.
Munthu amene ali ndi PTSD amatha kuchoka kwa wokondedwa wake kapena kuchita zinthu mokwiya chifukwa chongokhala wokhumudwa.
Zovuta zotere zimayambitsanso mavuto pamaubwenzi, koma zovuta zoterezi zimatha kuyambitsa mavuto ena pachibwenzi, monga zotsatirazi:
- Kukwiyira wokondedwa wanu
- Kukhalabe munjira yoyipa yolumikizana muubwenzi
- Kusakhulupilira maubale
- Kuchoka pakamakangana
- Kumva kuti mukuwopsezedwa ndi zolakwitsa zazing'ono kapena kusagwirizana ndi mnzanu
- Kuwombera mnzako pazinthu zomwe zimawoneka zazing'ono
Ngati mukukhala ndi mavuto obwera chifukwa cha zoopsa zaubwenzi, chitonthozeni podziwa kuti mutha kuchira. Ubale wathanzi pambuyo povutitsidwa ndiwotheka ngati mwatsimikiza mtima kuphunzira njira zatsopano zoganizira ndikuyandikira maubwenzi anu.
Ngati mukuvutika ndi kuchiritsa panokha, othandizira kapena akatswiri amisala omwe ali ndi luso lochiritsa amatha kukuthandizani kuti mupite patsogolo.