Zamkati
- Maanja akalozelana chala m'malo momvera
- Kuyang'ana zolakwa za mnzanu
- Njira 8 zomwe maanja angakonzere bwino atakangana:
- 1. Osamudzudzula mnzako
Mabanja ambiri amandifunsa funso lomwelo: Kodi tingabwerenso bwanji panjira pamene takangana?
Kusamvana ndi gawo losapeweka laubwenzi wapamtima. Mabanja omwe amakambirana zakukhosi kwawo munthawi yake komanso mwaulemu, amavomereza kugonja, amakhazikika pamalingaliro, ndikudzipereka kuti akonze zopweteketsa mtima atha kusiya kusamvana mwachangu ndikupanga mgwirizano wokhalitsa.
Kukangana kwabwino kumathandizadi maanja kukhala limodzi. Mabanja achimwemwe amadziwa momwe angakhalire osamvana komanso "kukambirana mobwerezabwereza".
"Kuyankhulana" ndi njira yolankhulira ndewu anthu onse atakhazikika, asadziteteze, ndipo atha kuzindikira malingaliro amnzake. Kukambirana koyambiranso kukuthandizani kuti mubwererenso pambuyo pa mkangano ndikuletsa zovuta kuti zisakule.
Maanja akalozelana chala m'malo momvera
Mabanja ambiri amakonda kulozana chala wina ndi mzake m'malo momvera, kunena zomwe angafune m'njira yabwino, ndikupatsana chikaiko. Chitsanzo chabwino ndi Monica ndi Derrick, onse azaka zapakati pa makumi anayi, akulera ana awiri achichepere ndikukwatira zaka khumi.
Monica akudandaula, “Ndakhala ndikufuna kuti Derrick andimvere ndikuwongolera kulumikizana kwathu koma sizikugwira ntchito. Samandipatsa nthawi yocheza nane. Tikuwoneka kuti tili ndi ndewu zomwezo mobwerezabwereza. ”
Derrick akuyankha, “Monica amakonda kundidzudzula ndipo sasangalala. Sitipeza nthawi yocheza chifukwa nthawi zonse amagula zinthu kapena ndi banja lake. Amakonda kunena zolakwa zanga ndikuiwala kuti ndikuyesera kukhala mwamuna ndi bambo wabwino koposa. Sizovuta kutsatira mfundo zake zapamwamba. ”
Kuyang'ana zolakwa za mnzanu
Tsoka ilo, cholumikizira chofotokozedwa ndi banjali chimangoyang'ana pa zolakwa za anzawo osati njira zothetsera ubale wawo. Mu Malamulo a Ukwati, katswiri wa zamaganizidwe Dr. Harriet Learner akufotokoza kuti chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe zimabweretsa kusokonekera kwa banja ndikudikirira kuti winayo asinthe.
Amalangiza kuti mmalo motaya ubale wawo, maanja akuyenera kudalirana, onjezani kulumikizana kwawo kwabwino, ndikuphunzira luso lokonzanso mukasemphana.
Njira 8 zomwe maanja angakonzere bwino atakangana:
1. Osamudzudzula mnzako
M'malo mwake, dziwitsani mnzanu zomwe mukufuna pazabwino. Mwachitsanzo, kunena zinthu monga "Ndikufuna kutikonzera ntchito" ndizothandiza kwambiri kuposa "Simumakhala ndi nthawi yocheza nane." Dr. John Gottman akutikumbutsa kuti kusuliza kumawononga banja ndikuti kukambirana zavutolo kumadzakhala ndi zotsatirapo zabwino.
2. Yambirani kutsutsana ndi malingaliro othetsera mavuto
Ndikofunikira kuti musayesere kutsimikizira mfundo, m'malo mwake, yesani kuyesa gawo lanu mukugwirizana. Dzifunseni nokha ngati ndikofunikira kwambiri "kupambana" kutsutsana kapena kuthetsa vuto.
Mverani zopempha za mnzanu ndikupemphani kuti mumve zambiri pazinthu zomwe sizikudziwika. Kambiranani zoyembekezera kuti mupewe kusamvana. Khalani pachiwopsezo ndikuthana ndi zopweteketsa, makamaka ngati ili nkhani yofunika m'malo mongowiyala miyala kapena kutseka.
3. Gwiritsani ntchito ziganizo za “Ine” osati “Inu”
Mawu akuti "inu" amakonda kunenedwa monga akuti "Ndinakhumudwa kwambiri pogula galimoto osakambirana nane" m'malo mongonena kuti "Ndinu opanda chidwi ndipo simumaganizira zomwe ndikufuna."
4. Pumulani pang'ono
Ngati mukumva kuti mwatopa kapena kusefukira madzi, pumulani pang'ono. Izi zikuthandizani kuti mukhale chete ndikutenga malingaliro anu kuti muthe kukambirana bwino ndi mnzanu.
Monica ananena motere: “Ine ndi Derrick tikamakambirana pa nthawi yozizira, zimandipangitsa kumva kuti amasamala za ine.”
5. Gwiritsani ntchito chilankhulo
Chilankhulo chamthupi monga kuyang'ana m'maso, mawonekedwe, ndi manja, kuwonetsa cholinga chanu chomvera ndikunyengerera. Chotsani ukadaulo kwa ola limodzi ola limodzi usiku izi zikuthandizani kulumikizana ndi mnzanu ndikukhala omvana.
6. Pewani Kudziteteza
Zimatengera awiri kuti tango ndi mudzakhala abwinoko mukasiya kuwerengera ndikuyang'ana kukonza mikangano. Yesetsani momwe mungathere kuti musanyoze wokondedwa wanu (kugubuduza maso, kunyoza, kutchulana mayina, kunyoza, ndi zina zambiri).
Pomwe Dr. John Gottman adawona maanja ambiri mu Lab Lab Yake akuchita zochitika tsiku ndi tsiku, adapeza kuti kutsutsidwa ndi kunyozedwa ndizomwe zimayambitsa kusudzulana pomwe adatsata nawo kwazaka zambiri.
7. Mpatseni mnzanu mwayi wokayikira
M'malo molongosola zolakwika za mnzanuyo ndikuyesera kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanu kulumikizitsa kwambiri.
8. Khalani ndi "zokambirana kuti mubwezeretse" mutakangana
Mukamaliza "kukhazikika" mvetserani mbali ya mnzanuyo. Osamuwopseza kapena kuwopseza. Pewani kunena zinthu zomwe mudzanong'oneza nazo bondo pambuyo pake. Khalani olimba mtima komabe khalani omasuka pakuyesa kwanu kukambirana pazomwe mukufuna kuchokera kwa mnzanu. Onse omwe ali pachibwenzi amayenera kupeza zosowa zawo (osati zonse).
Mabanja omwe ali ndiubwenzi wabwino kwanthawi yayitali amayesetsa kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza limodzi kuchita zinthu zosangalatsa tsiku ndi tsiku kuti alimbikitse kulumikizana kwawo. Mwachitsanzo, kuyesa kucheza mphindi 20 ndi chakumwa musanadye chakudya kapena kupita kokayenda mozungulira dera lanu. Mabanja omwe ali ndi malingaliro oti "Tili mgulu limodzi" amatha kuthana ndi kusamvana msanga chifukwa amayang'ana kukulitsa ubale wabwino ndikukonzanso luso.